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Original poster

very serious question, think hard, its v important

48 replies

nailpolish · 14/12/2006 09:56

woudl you rather

live near your family and friends, have a nice house but have to work a crappy (not necessarily badly paid) job and your dh has to work a crappy job too, which has longer hours, so you hardly see him
OR

live further away from family and friends, say 2 hrs away, have an ok house, decent area, but you both have jobs you enjoy, and better hours

pick one

OP posts:

Original poster

nailpolish · 14/12/2006 10:07

yes i know expat

OP posts:

SherlockLGJ · 14/12/2006 10:12

Family comes first, i.e your DH and your girls. In the main you have to live your life for yourselves.

My Mum would love me to go home to Dublin, I would love to see my family regularly. But to do that I would need to, sell my reallly nice house here, to buy a bog standard one there, subject my DH to an hour and a half bumper to bumper commute. The cost of living is through the roof. I live in a small Surrey town and via church and school the sense of community is huge and I would miss that if I went to live in Dublin.

I love my family, but I need my little unit to be happy and function in order to make it all worth while.

Sorry that turned into a ramble.

But hope some of it makes sense.

expatinscotland · 14/12/2006 10:15

We're considering moving about 77 miles away from DH's family for a better quality of life and they are all for it.

We want to spend more time in the outdoors together as a family, have more living space which we just can't afford here, so they're supportive.

Original poster

nailpolish · 14/12/2006 10:16

hmm it does a bit sherlock

im the opposite tho, my family live in the nice village, i have a nice house here, my dd's see their gran loads and she is a big part of thier lives

but we need to mvoe back to the city for dh and i to get jobs that are NOT crappy, and dont have shite hours

i have looked at the houses in edinburgh and we can afford a fairly nice one. the dd's would probably have to share a room tho

OP posts:

sandcastlesforanaussiexmas · 14/12/2006 10:16

If you are working 15 hours a day, 5 days a week, what kind of life are you having? You are living to work, not vice versa. How much time are you spending with the children? And the chances are when you are with the kids you are knackered & miserable (for all you try not to be)

How much would that change?

I'm with expat, I am thousands of miles away from my family & yes, it's hard. But I can't hop in a car on Friday night & spend all weekend with mine, you could, unless you were working 15 hours a day & then you prob wouldn't want to!

Original poster

nailpolish · 14/12/2006 10:21

sandcastles dh works 9-5 but he has an almost 4 and a half hr commute every single day

its v tiring and v expensive

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 14/12/2006 10:25

I don't know how anyone can commute that much and not go spare.

I would seriously have a nervous breakdown if I had to do that and never got to see my kids.

Original poster

nailpolish · 14/12/2006 10:27

its a fucking shame expat so it is

we/he thought by now he would have found a job closer to home

there is NOTHING

OP posts:

Original poster

nailpolish · 14/12/2006 10:30

think i may send dh a link to this thread

ta everyone x

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 14/12/2006 10:31

That is rough. It's so hard in so many areas to get decent employment, yet house prices are SO exhoritantly expensive in areas that offer reasonable opportunities for employment - that's why reliable, efficient and cost effective public transport is so vital.

But this is about your quality of life, marriage and family. WAY more important than a house.

noddyholder · 14/12/2006 10:33

I definitely don't think your quality of life is down to your job.I would prefer a full happy family life than a good job I do think this is one of those cases where it is up to the individual Do you get on with your family?

HoHoHorsewoman · 14/12/2006 10:34

I think you have to make the move. It's not easy, and you will miss your family and friends, but it will get better as you get more familiar with your new area. 2 hours is not that far away, really, you can still see plenty of them and, of course, will have more time to do so. We are in much the same position (my family live 5 hours away and DH's family are in Ireland), but we are settling in and life is much better than it has been in recent years, plus we have a much brighter future. It was hard to make the decision, excruciatingly so, but now I'm glad we're where we are. The only difficulty is finding babysitters for our newly acquired social life!!

Original poster

nailpolish · 14/12/2006 10:35

the "full happy family life" wont happen if dh stays in the job he is just now though noddy

i feel such a cow for dragging him all the way back here and he put himself through this shitey commute for me

but he is the one who reluctant to mvoe now

OP posts:

MamaG · 14/12/2006 10:36

scond.

its what I do.

Original poster

nailpolish · 14/12/2006 10:36

what do people who work but have no-one nearby to help do in school holidays?

OP posts:

WhyDooLittleStarsShine · 14/12/2006 10:36

nailpolish I'm in the same boat.

WE have chosen good area, good schools and good (great) jobs for the moment.

corrina28 · 14/12/2006 10:39

i know its not quite the same but my parents moved away in january to their bungalow that they had been planning to buy since i was about 14 (i'm 28 now) and i was dreading, so i was so upset that my doctor put me back on AD (but thats another story), the day before they moved i was convinced that something was gonna happen and that they was gonna stay, (how could they leave i'm their baby ) the next day was awful, i went to work at lunchtime and when i got back they had gone and i was convinced that the world was gonna stop, it was so upsetting and i missed them soooooo much. The following day (after they had moved) i got up feeling like a different person, i was independant for the first time, could drop the kids off with my parents when i wanted/needed to. My boys love organising to go and stay with nanny & grandad for the holidays and weekends and sometimes we do just go down for dinner, they live 2 hours away and if we time it just right we can do the drive in just over an hour, and when they have a free weekend they come and visit us. I still miss them, my mum was ill in february and my dad was ill on tuesday - he collapsed, and neither time could we get there, but they knew that if we could have been there we would. It is a really hard decision to make, i could have easily to my parents that the thought of them moved was making me ill, but i didnt cos i knew it would stop them and deep down i knew that that was what i wanted for them and that i had to just let it go. I hope this helps.

quanglewangle · 14/12/2006 10:39

In theory I agree with everyone who says option2.
In practice we chose option 2 and I regret it. I miss my friends and feel in exile.
We are not even 2 hours away, only 30 minutes but no buses.

PinkTinsel · 14/12/2006 10:41

better jobs, everything seems better if your job isn't making you miserable

PeachyIsNowAChristmasFruit · 14/12/2006 10:41

Have done this, tho Uni not job. Moved away.

Miss family badly and its a pain for childcare etc, and I have to admit Dh likes to use it against me in a fight. However, don't regret it and would do again

MamaG · 14/12/2006 10:41

I live 1 1/2 hours from all our family, went from working full time in a city to living in the countryside, DH and I both working part time (one of us is with the kids all the time) and I would never go back.

Go for it, its no life working all the time.

Original poster

nailpolish · 14/12/2006 10:53

thanks, esp. corinna, hope you are ok now

OP posts:

corrina28 · 14/12/2006 11:21

yeah all fine now, it is nice to know that we can go there for a weekend or a few days just for a break.

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