DH seems to love DD1 more than DD2

[almost40]

Hi, I've had to change my nickname here because DH knows what my nickname is. I have 2 DDs. DD1 is 2 yrs old and DD2 is just 4 months. My problem is that DH doesn't seem to love DD2. In fact, he seems annoyed by her. When I leave him alone with DD2, I see that he leaves her crying while he tends to DD1 or is on his computer. DD2 just likes to be held a lot. I also know that he doesn't think that DD2 is as cute as DD1. I haven't said anything to DH about this. Even our nanny has commented that when DH goes to work in the morning, he hugs and kisses DD1, but won't even look at DD2. It is breaking my heart. I'm hoping it's just because he doesn't relate well to babies, and since I'm breastfeeding constantly, he doesn't do much with DD2. Any advice? Should I say something to DH about this?

I think a lot of men find babies really hard. Let's admit it, they don't do a great deal do they! I think it's a bit early to think this is going to be an ongoing thing. I found that when I started to wean DD, it helped with the 'bonding' in that DH could then give her dinner whilst I got on with our dinner. DD definitely likes him more now, maybe it'll work both ways? Try not to worry too much (easier said than done I know) I'm sure it will work it self out as your DD gets older and more independant from you, and more responsive to everyone else!

OOps, just want to add that its the BABIES that don't do much, not men in general.

Thanks, lydialemon. I'm hoping that DH will eventually bond with DD2, as he has done with DD1. DH never feeds DD1 though, so I don't think it's the feeding that will make the difference. It seems that he interacts more with DD1 since she's been able to talk and communicate with DH.

Thanks for your response, Sobernow. I can't tell though if you're recommending that I say something (and risk offending him) or stay mum and hope that he will exhibit more love and tenderness towards DD1 when she is a few months older. I did make a comment about the fact that he rarely photographs DD2, and he responded by taking an entire roll of really nice pictures of DD2. So I think maybe he will respond well . . .

Oops - I meant DD2 - typo there.

I agree with the other comments. When ds2 was little it appeared that dh gave more attention to ds1. Part of the reason behind that was that i was bf ds2 so it naturally seemed to work out i was with ds2 and dh was with ds1. When ds was sitting up and more robust dh played more rough and tumble with ds2. So i think in the end you dh will get to know your dd2 and treat her just like he does dd1. hth

Thanks, Sobernow and podgegl. It's good to know that it's somewhat common. I thought it was really odd, since my inclination (and probably most women) would be to favour the younger one, since she's just a baby and more needy than the older. I suppose that it's the complete opposite with men. They naturally seem to favour the older child. I will try to ignore DH's behavior for a couple more months and hopefully I won't have to broach the topic. Thanks again.