How do you console single friends without sounding patronising?

[yorkshireWenceslass]

I have a friend who has been single for a few years and recently has started to talk about feeling lonely and feeling like she'll be on her own forever. I try to make her feel better but I just feel like I'm spouting a load of cliches 'I'm sure you'll find someone', 'You'll meet him when you're not looking for him', etc, etc. I get the feeling she thinks 'Well you've got DP, what do you know about being lonely'. She forgets that I was a single mum, in the same position as her, before I met DP 7 years ago.
I want to help cheer her up but just don't know how to

It's really hard to do this, isn't it? Could you maybe go out with her to some sort of activity where there might be likely males? Or persuade her to change her job - apparently 2 out of 3 married couples met at work. (I did!)

It's really hard to do this, isn't it? Could you maybe go out with her to some sort of activity where there might be likely males? Or persuade her to change her job - apparently 2 out of 3 married couples met at work. (I did!)

She just got a new job actually (funnily enough DP & I met at work too!), perhaps she'll meet some new people there. I think it might not help that another of our friends who was also single (they would go out on 'single' nights out together) has just fallen head over heels for a new fella.

its difficult, but hopefully she appreciates having a good friend like you, and there is a lot of comfort in old cliches like "you meet him when you stop looking" even if youve heard them loads of times.

Im in the situation of your friend

• I shall never meet anyone again
• I shall never have sex ever again
• I shall spend the rest of my life getting older and wrinklier and less attractive
• if by some miracle I ever do get married again, it is bound to end in failure after 2 years, just like my first effort, because I am obviously crap at being married

[sob] where are the jaffa cakes?

Tell her to join some things, make friends in general, go out with a few men. Is she doing any of that? You don't find someone at home, do you? She needs a more positive outlook.

Have scome to the conclusion that kind words and a listening ear are fuck all use.
In all situations.

Yup, you need to politely say 'get a life', how many people fell in love with their pizza deliverer? Does she have kids? If not I have little sympathy for her, there is no excuse for sitting still long enough to feel lonely when you are really footloose and fancyfree!

i've taken to telling bf to stop moaning as i'm sick of her rejecting some guy by being difficult and behaving like spoilt princess to him, then moaning at me when she's alone again.

she always goes on about how lucky her other bf and are to have our dp's, sob sob. but our dps aren't perfect, we've worked at our relationships whereas she rejects any man less than perfect and is so high maintanance most menn wouldn't spend more than 5 mins with her!

well, of course, the best friend would be one who can produce gorgeous single men out of a hat! but in absence of that, a sympathetic ear is the next best thing.

going out is harder said than done - where do you go, when you dont know anyone to start with?

I mean easier said of course

I've even tried to think of any single men I know who would make a good match but then I'm reluctant to play cupid as it doesn't always work out as a happy ending.
I've offered to babysit at short notice if she gets a last-minute date, and told her to get out there more and ask someone out!

erm...dont play cupid, dont suggest she finds a "night class" or "advertise in the paper" etc etc and dont remind her how "lucky" she is that she doesnt have to deal with stinky socks or tidy up after a man. why not just remind her that you've been in that situation and you understand how she feels. i had many "lovely" suggestions from non-single friends on the odd occasion i admitted to being lonely and all it did was to make me feel a bit pathetic. i remember one of tham saying to me "oh but im sooooooooo lonely in the day when he's at work" and thinking... i love you as a friend, i really do...but xxxx off, you have no idea!

I enjoyed being single when I did. It was fun and funny.

But I really, really, really wanted to b*tchslap anyone who trotted out the ol', 'You'll meet someone when you least expect it.'

BS! God helps those who help themselves!

You probably won't meet someone just sitting on your duff in your flat vegging on the couch watching TV and moaning.

Get out and make it happen.

I find going out isn't always the best idea? How many of you really met your wonderful DH in a pub. Tell her to take up an outdoor sport, there are some gorgeous hill walkers for instance. I know it sounds corny, but sometimes you meet the nicest fellas at church.

Sign her up to mysinglefriend.com or similar.

oh paula you are SOOO right!!!

I think Hobbies are probably a good suggestion for meeting someone!
However, I was one of those lucky ones that met her dh in a Pub, and we are now 11 years married, and 12 years together, so, it CAN happen like that, too...but must admit, had to kiss some frogs in the process ;)

Ditto expat!

I did internet dating and had a whale of a time. Only stopped because I met DH (through the same website). Would recommend it to anybody who's looking for a bit of fun with the possibility of troooo lurve at the end of it.

Hmm. I was one of those 30something single women for a good while.

I did find friends setting me up with single blokes quite consoling - nothing came of it (well, OK, one friendly night together but nothing else) but at least it was nice of them.

Frankly, I think the best thing you can do is just go on being friends with her. There's nothing like watching your friends vanish into smug mummydom for making you feel your life is a complete disaster.

Sorry 3andNoMOre I didn't mean to suggest that men you met in pubs were bad.

Young single friend of mine - desperate to meet Mr Right and have 6 babies - joined a dating agency.
She said that although she didn't meet anyone she fancied it was great to practise 'the dating game'.

She's still single, though!

Ive just looked at Person.com, it is barking mad and worse than the school playground - you can put your photo up for popularity votes [shudder]

Lucky I'm a happily married woman - if I put mine on there it'd give everyone a good laugh

i've just had a couple with baby plus my single girl friend here to lunch. feeling like there's a bit of a divide and felt a bit sorry for single friend as she would love to have man and baby, also feel quite guilty sometimes but then i remember that i met dh on match.com (when it wasn't very cool) and had to date several frogs before i met him!!! it was 'hard work' that dating business but the stories kept friends very entertained!!! and dh is gorgeous!!

I would luuuuurve to go speed dating myself, it looks really good fun. My dh won't let me though .
The most unlikely place I ever pulled a bloke was waiting for a delayed train; after much eye contact and mutual sniggering I sat down next to him and started doing his crossword for him! He had a longdistance gf though with whom it turned out (after some weeks' trial) I couldn't compete.