what time would you say is a fair bedtime for an 8yr old?

[linzoid]

ds1 goes up to his room at 8pm and can reasd or whatever until 8:30 on a school night. Latest he normally stays up at weekend is 8:30. I have usually had enough by then (horrible mummy) and want him to go to bed but ds1 kicks up a fuss some nights and says everyone in his class goes later.

When i read the title of the thread my first thought was 8/8:30.

i would have said 8 - 8.30 aswell. you are not a horrible mummy. we all need our rest. i imagine you have given him 13 - 14 hours of your time already, so it isn't unreasonable to have a couple to yourself.

What your doing sounds fine to me - up at 8, then read til 8.30. I'd do the same at weekends too but then I'm very mean

I can remember doing the "but EVERYONE in my class stays up later than me" schtick with my Mum. She used to say "well I'm not EVERYONE'S Mum, I'm just YOUR Mum. Now go to bed!"

It depends when your ds has to get up in the morning. On a school day, what time do you have to leave the house? Also, does your ds have a set waking up time of his own? if he always wakes at 7.00 am no matter what, then IMO it's fair for him to go to be at 8.00 ish. If his body clock is not so set, and he will sleep longer in the morning after a late night, then IMO it would be fine for him to stay up later.

My son is just 10 and goes to bed around 9.30 pm on school days, but then he doesn't need to get up till about 8.00 am. At the weekend he stays up later but also lies in in the mornings. I keep a running review of his waking times, so if he's really tired in the morning and won't stir himself when it's time for school, he knows he will be sent to bed earlier the following evening. Pure cause and effect and IME less easy for him to argue against it. Also, he can't bring what his friends do into the discussion - it all boils down to how he is in the morning.

He stays up only if he is nice to be with though - if he is naughty or being irritating, he knows he will be sent to his room. I find it a good way of getting him to behave well. He sees staying up as privilege, and as long as he is behaving nicely, he is lovely to be with, so it's no strain on dh or I. Making him go to his bedroom earlier, and having a long argument about it, would (for me) be more of a pain.

I guess you have to decide what you want the most - less fuss from your ds in the evening but a later bedtime and hopefully a boy who's nice company, or more fuss from your ds but more pure adult time for you.

At age 8 I guess my son's bedtime was from 8.00 to 9.30 on school days, and from 8.30 to 10.30 at weekends. Where we are, some clubs for older kids don't end till 8.00 on school days,( judo from 7 - 8 pm , cubs from 6.30 to 7.45 pm) so the organisers obviously feel parents are not all putting their 8 year olds to bed by 8.30 pm each and every night.

linzoid - my 8 year old does as yours, sometimes she goes straight to sleep sometimes she needs to read for longer.
luckily she doesn't complain. i like marthamoo's comments 'i'm not everyone's mum i'm yours'.
she's always good company, but i feel we need child-free time, to chat, to watch things we wouldn't want her to watch, or just to veg. not 'horrible mummy' - nicer mummy the next day.

Linzoid - it's hard when peer pressure starts to kick in, isn't it? My ds1 needs a lot more sleep than many of his peers. He's only 6, but really needs 11.5-12 hrs sleep per night, and likes an hour in bed reading too ... It's hard to find the time! It's hard when he starts talking about his friends' bedtimes, but for us it's just not an option as he turns into a monster if he doesn't get enough sleep

Having said that a lot of children this age are not getting enough sleep. I listen to yr3 readers in school on a Monday morning, and I would say about 50% are too tired to get the best out of school. They have to do over 3 hrs work with only a 15 minutes break (8.50 - 10.30, then 10.45 - 12.05). Many of them are wilting by about 11am, and really struggle even to concentrate to read to me one-to-one for five minutes.