Good self esteem?.

[Sugarfree]

Ok,who's got good self esteem and how did you get it?
It dawned on me today that mine is frankly piss poor and I need to sort it out.

Oh dont cry Eggnog, I thought the others person (cant even remember their name!) was quite rude actually.

Just have a sod it mentality. If people dont make you happy, then sod it and be around people who do. Or in other words everything Lulumama just said

Moretea - dobt go. Are you seriously crying cause I wound up that silly woman?

nOTHING PEOPLE ADMIRE MORE THAN CONVICTION.
Actually I admire kindness more, it takes more effort.

Count your blessings,'tis in the Happiness Manifesto.
Night.

Kindness and conviction then.
It's a good combination.

But when I'm being kind,that's when I get,I want to say walked-on,but that's too strong I think.

Dont make me go back there and punch her lights out - alhtough you know I'll be most happy to.

conviction and self belief is good......but not in the face of reasonableness and kindness and knowing when you are wrong.....!

i am a big fan of people saying sorry when they are wrong...and will do likewise....nothing to be gained from standing your ground at whatever cost !!

that gains respect..from others and yourself...a good thing for self esteem !

I'm just feeling tender just now, feeling depressed, but I really, really hate it when people get at me when I haven't done anything. I will always hold my hand up and say OK it was me that's how I am.

Liesel it wasn't because of you. I suppose she was overprotective of her thread. LIke lulumama said we forget there are people behind th nickname. Maybe she has issues which made the thread important to her and I didn't respect that?

xpost!

Sugarfree,that's why I only mentioned conviction to begin with.
People who see themselves as having 'low self esteem' tend to be too giving anyway.

I'm trying to big y'all up,not lecture you on how to be good and dutiful.

i have learnt that being too helpful and cooperative makes people value your skills and time less.

Sad but true.

Dont get upset over her, she started a very aggresive stupid thread which everyone disagreed with and was aggresive thereafter. FFS I only asked her if she was in BMC forum and she tore my head off. Silly woman. No wonder she flits round forums stirring things up.

I'm off to bed too,I've got some thinking to do.
Thanks everyone.

Moondog,that is so true.

Oh no Sugarfree, not worth being kind to arseholes (unless you plan to kill them with kindness) - if they clearly have no conscience, stay away alltogether. Kindness is nice but best served with an appreciative audience - you've got to draw the line between being a saint and a martyr.

wise words indeed moondog...sleep well all...xx

i used to have very poor self-esteem and tried to 'get' good self esteem. However, i got tired of the rating game and learned about self-acceptance instead and it has been about one of the best things i could have done.

alternative to self esteem

Yeah I like that Squidette, life is definitely too short to be measuring yourself (indeed that's why I have no scales in my house ) and just look for the silver lining on any cockups (like I said where else do the most amusing anecdotes come from?). I think the only time to feel bad about yourself is when you know you've imposed on someone and you're not 100% sure they're ok with it.
Re proactiveness - the best advice I ever got was someone telling me to get a life (whilst I was bemoaning my monkish first couple of months at uni). You have to dig your own way out of your rut, self-esteem (like true love) follows while you're too busy having fun to think about it.
Do I sound really trite and patronising? I know colleagues used to hate me bouncing into work on a Monday morning but they used to bug me just as much with their chronic colds, constant complaining and faces like wet weekends. Life is too short!