Please, lovely MNers, help me make a plan. I have stationery and everything.

[BertieBotts]

I am struggling at the moment with prioritising and basics, but never getting anywhere. At the same time I always seem to have about 100 different plans and projects in mind but never get around to them. This is an ongoing issue and I've been sinking in quicksand all of my adult life and never really got anywhere without somebody standing behind me pushing me. I'm actually due to be assessed for adult ADHD in January but I have things to do before then, and it's just destroying my mental health and self image to keep failing at everything (and such basic things) all the time.

So I have tried various ideas to get organised in the past and nothing has stuck, but I've done so much reading and research on ADHD recently that I'm going to concentrate on the bits that I know are impaired and hopefully that will be the scaffolding I need.

I have a magnetic whiteboard and a pinboard covered in nice fabric and an organisation app (Trello) and an A4 and A6 notepad, multicoloured whiteboard pens, and some of those nice German pens with the yellow and white stripes :)

The first thing I have done is to write down everything I am "working on" so that I can get it out of my brain where it is swimming around in a fog getting lost and messy and into a place I can look at it.

Then I put everything into four categories and linked up the related ones.

• Everyday habits or routines which I'm not great at (need to improve or be more consistent)
• New habits I'd like to start
• Projects which are long term but once they are done, they are done
• One off jobs which need doing

Then I've gone through and given each idea a star for Urgent, a skull face for anything with a deadline, and an S for anything which can wait (someday). The things in between someday and urgent I called semi-urgent.

I decided to look 3 months ahead, because that is apparently the length of time that adults with a normal executive function tend to plan ahead. Plus it nicely divides the year up into quarters, so (you'd think) it will hopefully be easy to remember when I need to look at and plan the next quarter. I'll make a solid (enough) plan until the end of December and then pencil in my plans for January - March. At new year, I can look over the pencilled plans, adjust if necessary and pencil in my plans for the following quarter. Kind of like lining up your next tetris move...

And now....... my brain is mush and I can barely process any more. I've just realised I haven't eaten lunch. I need a break but I know I won't go back to this if I just leave it and take a break, so I'll write this thread and look back later.

I have a list of what needs to go on the calendar immediately, just four items. (Out of thirty! Thirty things that I thought I was "working on" at once.) One can be done in a morning. One is making this plan. The other two need breaking down into steps or stages.

I have a list of things which need to be done "someday" which I need to store somewhere before "someday" becomes "never" and so that I know what to work on next after I complete current projects. I also need to be able to add future projects to this list so that they don't swim around in a vague fog of good intentions in my brain.

I should probably make a note of what time I have available on different days so that I can see what I can do on different days.

That's it.... I think? Any input or suggestions are welcome! Or just moral support and stationery admiring :)

I absolutely identify with this! I also have this terrible habit of doing a tiny bit of a task (e.g. I need a workman so I do the googling, choose one to call, then stop short of actually calling) and then feeling the satisfaction of having done 'something' and forgetting to follow through and do the rest.

If you are indeed like me with these things, I'll give you the bad news at the beginning - my prognosis for your plan lasting the distance is not great - sorry! My great master plans like this have never lasted three weeks, let alone three months.

But I do get things done in dribs and drabs (as I'm sure you do) and over time have got a bit better at 'doing stuff', so let me try and think of something more helpful to contribute

Well to start - - First off, although this sounds truly lovely, it sounds possibly a bit confusing. Which one is your preferred medium? I always want to find an app that will magically organise me, but in the end I only really get things done once I have written them on paper, so it would be the notepads for me, though I also use iPad calendar reminders to good effect. So perhaps concentrate on one main organisational medium, and one back-up? And make sure you don't spend too much time just transcribing lists and dates from one thing to another.

The getting everything on paper and categorising sounds very helpful - I love that bit. BUT, then I think you need to aggressively edit so as not to thwart yourself with over-ambition.

Daily habits and routines - I would choose just one habit or routine that you really care about improving or starting and shelve all the rest. Work out how you'll improve it/start it/set reminders/reward/motivate yourself etc. and just concentrate on that as a daily thing.

The one-off jobs - I would keep urgent ones on your list, and shelve the rest - they will be urgent one day and then you can tackle them. Or if you get all the urgent ones out the way, THEN you can go back and re-visit them.

Projects which are long-term I would break down into steps, and if any of the first steps are time-sensitive/urgent then keep them on the list. Shelve the rest for now.

Then as soon as the list is complete, get on to doing some of either the most urgent thing on the list, or one of the urgent things that is easiest to tick off. Just get something done so it is started and not just a thing hanging over you.

And every day aim to get something done on the list, or for your daily habit - one thing daily is better than three things all at once then nothing for a week.

Actually having said that, I've just realised I only ever keep that up for a little bit. It's good when it works but sometimes I do think it's better to give myself days off rather than keep pushing for 'action' because I find that I need to let myself off 'action mode' and breathe for a bit before I can get into it again.

So I let myself just be and not be constantly thinking of what I 'must do' for a bit, and then re-start with all the doing when it becomes pressing again. I've come to think that I need on and off periods to function better, rather than trying to be a tick-boxer all the time. Perhaps you're not like this; I suppose the point is to work with your own natural rhythms when you can, and not beat yourself up about that.

Depending on what's on your list, support threads on here can be very good - I've been on a couple for people just needing to get stuff done - writing down a few chores in the morning then reporting back during the day. Also been in and out of the Kondo threads in Housekeeping when I've been on de-cluttering pushes, and meal-planning threads, frugal living threads etc.

Also, I just thought, I found this concept somewhat helpful in helping me be realistic about what I'll get done and what might help me do things. I am absolutely an 'Obliger' by her categorisation - and there are lots of things - particularly things that are for myself, my health and wellbeing etc. - that I just find impossible to motivate myself to do, and I know if I really want to do them I will have to e.g. book swimming lessons instead of waiting for myself to turn into the kind of person who can just take themselves off for a swim every week.

Alright, that's enough from me! I love talking about this kind of shit, so prone to babble on. Good luck with it all

damn, mis-remembered how to do italics… Sorry - that makes a couple of paras quite hard to read…

Ah I didn't see your reply before, Seven, thank you! You sound very similar to me.

Well I haven't got very far. DH has asked me twice "How far have you got with...?" And I've gone "Oh I'm working on that! Oh... no, but it's in my plan!" Yes I need to work on the plan.

I have printed a 3 month time sheet - I am sticking with this one because shorter ones, for me, go by too fast. I've put in my work days, in pencil in case they change. So now I'm about to go and put in the urgent ones - I probably didn't explain very well, but yes, I have tried to prioritise and pick a few like you say, rather than cramming loads in.

Struggling with feelings of failure, though. It's 1pm and I haven't started work on my plan. In fact I've barely looked at it since last week. But I have to swallow that and keep plodding on, not allow the sense of failure to take over.

Bertie

As well as the urgent plans, do you have a nice simple easy to achieve someday task that you can do so that you have that sense of achievement? Or an Urgent task that you can split into actions and make a start on?

A bit like Flylady - who knew that having a clean and shiny sink could be the basis for turning your cleaning routine / life around?

I had a To Do List that was short term plans, Medium Term plans and Long Term plans. It helped me prioritise but you have to remember that sometimes doing a someday item is needed to help your morale as it is an incentive to carrying on

Good luck with your plan

Thanks. I don't know TBH. My anxiety is through the roof looking at it - though it might be the stupid queue system for Harry Potter tickets which I haven't decided whether to buy which is assisting that

I think you are trying to achieve too much, and all your planning ends up being procrastinating. I speak from experience

Here's what works for me:
Family calendar in the kitchen with all the daily stuff on: clubs, appointments, birthdays, etc.
White board in the kitchen with a (short!) short term to do list.

Any other projects etc. are hidden out of sight - who can look at a 100+ things to do list and not be demotivated? A daily or weekly list with 3 or so achievable things is much more realistic.

Okay. But I have a calendar, and I have a whiteboard. The calendar has things on it but I still manage to miss them. It's also fairly random one off things, like a date of an event at school, etc. Nothing about how I need to break down longer tasks, like packing the house to move, preparing for Christmas, etc.

The whiteboard is currently empty but at various times has had various to-do lists on, with differing levels of success.

I DO need to hide the "not yet" things out of sight, which is what I'm trying to do here!

I realise I've massively overexplained and made it sound hugely complicated but it really FEELS this complicated to me. The problem is that everything swims around in my head and gets muddled up. I need to put it all down together to be able to prioritise what needs doing this week and what can wait. Otherwise, I feel like I'm "getting to" everything but I don't actually ever get around to any of it. I realise by about 2pm every day with a sick horrible feeling that I've done NOTHING, yet again, and I haven't even eaten lunch or breakfast and I need to pick DS up in an hour which doesn't give me any time to do anything.

I'm not shouting at you BTW just trying to emphasise how frustrating I'm finding this very basic seeming thing. I know that I need help and hopefully I'll get help in January, but for now - I need to work out what I am doing because it's so, so frustrating to feel like I haven't moved forwards with anything, ever, in life unless it has involved another person pushing me along.

And even for birthdays etc - having it on the calendar doesn't help me remember that there is a process which needs to start before the birthday, in buying a card, writing in it, making sure I have stamps, posting it, deciding whether I need/want to get this person a present and posting that in time. It seems really obvious but I won't think about that until it's the actual day, I'll look at the calendar and go "Oh, that's nice, it's DSis' birthday! Oh, shit." When I consciously think about it, I know that I need to do these preparation tasks for a birthday but when it actually happens day to day, it just passes me by and I get cross with myself for leaving it too late again.

I'm sorry, I'm not meaning to vent frustration at others. Perhaps me asking for input with this wasn't the right thing to do.

Bertie

I went through a stage of needing to write every thing down that I had to do in a day as it was the only way to feel in control of my life.

For things like birthdays - if you cannot get into the routine of looking ahead in your planner / calendar, don't just note down the actual birthday but 1 or 2 weeks ahead make a note on your planner / calendar to organise present, card, postage / dropping off. I know what you mean about having dates in the calendar but needing to break down what you actually need to do. Have a look at the flylady website. There are other lists on there as well as cleaning ones, eg organising for Christmas.

My tip is to sit down for 15 to 30 minutes in an evening and look at your planner / calendar. Set a timer if possible so you don't get caught up in list making. Make a to do list for the following day with the must do - eg 15 minutes cleaning, meal, jobs in the house, shopping, one off things like present buying, preparing for Christmas or any other holiday. Add some things from your to do someday list - small ones that you can easily tick off and a big one that you can break down and make a start on. Plan the order you would prefer to do things. Then go to bed and try and get a good night's sleep.

The next day - read your to do list. Make sure to prioritise looking after yourself. Missing meal times is not good. Try and do the list in order but don't panic if there are things you cannot do that day - most things you can reschedule. Set alarms for meal times if you find yourself drifting past them without eating.

At the end of the day, you should have at least some things ticked off. Sit down, look at the things still to do - decide if they really need doing. Look at your planner / calendar and draw up a new to do list for the following day.

HTH

I can give you hope on the birthdays issue! I used to be exactly the same - literally never got anyone anything on time, as I would think about what lovely thing I would send ages in advance, feeling very pleased with myself for being so organised, then totally forget about it until the actual day when I would suddenly remember the birthday and that I had nothing

BUT in the last year or so (I am mid-30s so this is quite late on in life!) I have finally started getting on top of sending things out on time - even to rellies in Australia, which takes a lot of planning. I think it was a combination of really realising how shit it can make some people to be 'forgotten' on the day and only get something weeks later, and getting better at checking my calendar - I think f1fan's plan of sitting down every evening to make the plan for the next day is a REALLY good one. If you wake up with a plan all done, just achievable things for that day, it is so much easier than doing the brainwork of working out what needs doing in the morning.

Also, like praising the good rather than punishing the bad for children, remember to pat yourself on the back for every little thing you do do, and try not to tell yourself you've done 'Nothing'. It's hard to get on with stuff when you are being down on yourself

It's very hard to find a system that works. I can do it at work but not at home for some reason. I have got particularly crap at birthdays this year.

One thing to do is a birthday list/reminder at the end of the previous month giving you time to buy all the cards etc and post in time. But obviously you need to set time aside for this and it all becomes another chore.

I cheat on birthday cards - once a year I sit down and choose the cards and messages for everyone for the year on moonpig. My account has all the dates and addresses in it, I prepay for the cards in one go, and every so often through the year I get an email confirming they have just sent a card to X for me. I get to feel smug about twenty times a year, for one evening's "work".

When I'm getting overwhelmed which is often I pick two things to get done the next day and write them in my diary. That evening, I pick two for the next day, etc. Looking too far ahead doesn't always help me actually get shit done...

That moon pig cheat is absolute genius, lam!

I get your frustration, Bertie!
How about a daily list with timed slots, for example 12.00-12.30 lunch? You can sit down in the evenings and make your timetable for the next day?