Rich 'friend' asking for money for charity again,how do I handle it?

[Mirage]

Just a bit of background.X is a friend of a friend & I see her twice a year at most,at get togethers & sometimes see her at school.Don't know her well enough to say more than hello to though.

Sadly,her little girl was diagnosed with a life threatening illness last year & was & still is,seriously ill.Her mum spends every free moment raising money for charities concerned with her daughters illness,which is entirely laudable as far as I'm concerned.I'm sure that if I was in the same position,I would do the same.

However,I have had yet another an email from her,this time inviting me for supper & a few drinks,for which,I am expected to donate to her charity via a website.This website only accepts donations of £10 upwards & the message is,to donate what you'd otherwise spend on a night out.Not a problem,but we are in a small community & over the past year,I have donated a lot of money to the charity concerned,as everyone is doing raffles,schools doing sponsored stuff,other friends doing sponsored stuff,church collections ect,all for the same cause.I simply cannot afford to give anymore.We aren't poor,but need every penny at the minute & what I'd spend on a night out is zero& I've already had to cut back on my usual charity giving this year.

What do I do?The annoying thing is,normally she wouldn't socialise with me,& only gets in touch when fundraising.I don't get invites any other time.She is very, very well off,assumes everyone is & possibly doesn't realise that we are not.If I donate the amount I could afford to spend on a night out,it would be under £10 & she might think that I was being mean.I also want to opt out of this constant giving,without causing offence,as I'm bound to see her at village functions in future.

Do I send a note with,say £5,explaining that I can't attend & as things are rather tight at the minute,this is all I can afford?

Thanks

I think if it was me I wouldn't feel pressurised into giving anything. All the reasons you list are legitimate and anyway you shouldn't have to justify what you give to who and why. Just send back an email saying you are unable to attend and wish her all the best with her event.

I'd either ignore it or politely decline. I bet you're just on a distrubtion list type thing and she won't think anythng of it if you say 'thank you for the kind invitation but sorry, we can't make it.' I think you've given in the past, you're on her list and she probably doesn't think about you much other than that and won't give it a second thought if you politely decline.

Sounds like you suddenly need to remember a 'prior engagement' to me...

I agree with CunningMaloryTowers

Maybe you could say you always give to one of your DH's choice of charities as Xmas and will catch up with her in the New Year!

As you have given so much already I am sure she can't be offended. If she is you have done yourself a favour.

I agree. Say that you are unable to attend and wish her good luck with the night.

Hurray,you have all come up with the solutions that I should have done if I could think straight.

I think I shall politely decline,due to a prior engaement (it IS a busy time of year) & wish her all the best.

Thanks again,a relieved
Mirage

I wouldn't lie mirage or the issue won't go away.

I'd say that you have already supported her DD's charity this year and that you do have other charities which you would also like to support - and smile sweetly

think www has the right idea.

She is probably inviting loads of people from her list, won't notice if you just ignore the invite, and would be horrified if she thought you were feeling so pressured. I agree with www - just ignore, or if you feel you have to then politely decline. A donation (of any size) is not required.