Scared about moving to UAE! Wingey rant alert

[Spaghettinetti]

My other half is negotiating a job offer at the moment and I have really mixed feelings about moving. I'm excited by the prospect of living in such a diverse and multicultural place, but I'm scared for a number of reasons.

Firstly, I'm worried about the threat of terrorism. Yes, I know that there is a threat everywhere, but somehow, living in the middle east is just ringing a lot of alarm bells for me. It may sound neurotic and I know that the UAE is on a lower level of alert than the UK and many other European Countries, BUT...

Secondly, expanding our family. We already have one child under 2 and I'm hoping to get pregnant again within the next two years. I'm worried about giving birth so far from home. I have no idea what the system is like there and wouldn't have family and friends to help me when the baby came (mind you I currently live 3 hours away from my family anyway- it's just easier to get in a car than on a plane). I'm also worried about things like breastfeeding...I know that the UAE government have tried to encourage it, but its hard enough in public places (even without a cover that the baby will try and pull off).

Thirdly, I'm scared about how my family will take it, My mum flips out whenever I go anywhere remotely exciting, despite the fact that I'm an adult and whilst I know I've got to make my own choices, I really don't want to make life harder for my parents.

I think the hardest thing is that I really don't know what I want. This is a very exciting opportunity for my husband and ever since we got married, my career has gone by the wayside... I've made sacrifices so that he can progress for the good of the family. I've been happy doing this and I know I want an interesting life, but I also want to feel secure.

Any thoughts?

Hello
I'm back in the Middle East for the second time after spending time in South Korea and Asia. I love the Middle East and for me it was an easy decision to come back.

My first two children were born in Dubai, I honestly couldn't fault the medical care and aftercare. Breastfeeding is very much encouraged.

Which part of Middle East?

Im guessing this will be your first expat position?

May I suggest you start with the basics before worrying about possibly giving birth etc, you have to decide if it's the right choice for you and your family.

Lots of long term expats on the low living abroad forums, maybe start there?

Take a breath OP. It's really not as scary as you think!

Re terrorism. Nobody can ever guarantee safety, but there has never been a terrorist attack in the UAE AFAIK. You are more likely to be attacked in London than Dubai. You have to be a bit philosophical about it.

The UAE is a good place to expend your family as there is lots of help in the house available. Health care for maternity is private and you are likely to have American style and standard care rather than the NHS - think private rooms, TV, ensuite etc. Lots of western ex pats have babies in the UAE. No doubt somebody will come on the thread who has been there done that. Breastfeeding shouldn't be any more of a problem than here provided you are discreet. The malls generally have mother and baby rooms and I have seen local ladies feeding in public. You just have to use common sense.

True, you won't have your family there, but they can come for a visit when you are due.

It is all a bit of a shock right now and there will be many things you need to consider to decide if it is right for you and your family, but your initial fears are not the main things to worry about.

Thank you lovely Mumsnetters. I knew I could count on you. We would be going to either Abu Dhabi or Dubai, although Abu Dhabi is more likely and yes, it would be my first 'expat' experience. We've lived in many places within the UK, but I'm used to seeing family and friends every six weeks or so. I'm not worried about what I'll wear or making friends...I know that the shopping centres there are amazing and that there's year round sunshine... It's just a big thing to digest... And I know that my parents are going to take it badly. I also know that I have to make decisions for the good of my family...This job would mean that we could develop savings as well as having an interesting and educational international experience...Had I already had all of my children and if I knew my parents would support me, apart from fear of terrorism, this really would be an easy decision.

When you say "other half", are you married?

And it's like you say, anything can happen anywhere...

Yes, we are married ;-)

While my parents would agree that it would be great to live around the corner and have daily/weekly access to the grandchildren, they would also agree that the 6 weeks we spend at home for the summer is far more precious and we really do enjoy the time more.
Skype, FaceTime and other social media keeps us all very much connected and if anything we are all closer now than ever before

Hi Spahettinetti, I've been living in Abu Dhabi for the last 5 years and Qatar before that for 5. Both of my DC's (3 1/2 and 2) were born in Dubai. What can I say, um, hospitals are private so you'll have your own room, ensuite bath, and there's plenty of midwives, etc. Also, in the run up, the standard practice here is to go directly to an OB GYN every 4 to 8 weeks and you will have a scan every 4 - 8 weeks, none of this seeing a midwife and scan every blue moon thing.

In regards to childcare, do you plan on working? I work full time and took 8-9 weeks maternity leave with my kids. We have a live in Nanny who watches the kids and cleans the house. If you aren't working you can always get part time cleaners to come and help out with the housework. It's very cheap here to do that.

Breastfeeding. There's not as much support here as there is in the UK in terms of lactation consultants and stuff, but you can find it if you need to. Many women I know breastfed in public, it's supported in the Quran so nobody can really say anything to you.

The threat of terrorism is very low here, so I wouldn't worry about that.

Nothing much to add otherwise than to say the UAE is incredibly safe!
And there was a lovely expat mum breastfeeding her newborn in the lounge at The Ritz Dubai the other day when I was there. None of this hide under a tablecloth and sit in the corner nonsense with Claridges in London!
Westerners breastfeed anywhere. And I have seen Emirati women breastfeed on nice sofas in a separate bit of the loos in all the malls.

Thefitfatty interesting what you say re breastfeeding as I found Dubai way more into breastfeeding than my sister is currently experiencing in the UK.
Both times I had my own lactation nurse and continued support once I left the hospital. I actually felt more comfortable breast feeding in DUBAI than on the trips back to the UK.

I gave birth in Dubai, and I had a lactation consultant when I was in hospital. However, the minute I left and went back to Abu Dhabi I had nothing. But I think if I had looked more for help I would have found it. As it was DS was premie and there were other more pressing issues, and with DD I chose not to breastfeed. As for breastfeeding in public, no problems there at all, It's perfectly acceptable.

Thanks ladies, this is all very good to know.

I know you're right Barbie. I also know that my concerns aren't really tangible, whereas the benefits (of going) definitely are!

You've also given me a lot to think about fitfatty; it sounds like giving birth in UAE might be a lot better than here in the UK (my experience wasn't great). I was lucky to see lactation consultants (who were great) once I got home, so I think I should be ok with technique etc next time round... I'm pleased to read that people are generally accepting of feeding as it can be tricky whilst out and about.

Well, I've got a few days to think about everything but I definitely feel better about the 'potentially having a baby' bit... ???? I just need to get my head around everything else.