help me feel better please!

[nikcola]

write i think im having a mid life crisis at 20, ive been on my own since i was 14 i had dd when i was 17 ive been with the same man for 5 years, all i ever wanted was a family well ive now got no man but ive got dd who i love to bits,
but lately ive been so depressed i want to do things i feel like my life is so boring i want to go out and have fun, i dont want to go out every weekend and get pi**ed (well i wouldnt mind every now and then) i just want a social life i want to go places ive never been on holiday ive never even been on a bloody train! i feel like ive just wasted my life, im learning to drive and i start collage im september but i need to kick up the arse, what shall i do am i just feeling sorry for myself ?
sorry if this dont make no sence

aw nik, i dunno what to say to you but things always happen when you least expect them to. havent you got a friend that would babysit every once in a while?

i havent got anyone to go out with!

This absolutley won't solve the problem but what about a day trip to the coast or another town by train for you and DD. I don't know where you are but everytime I've been to the seaside by train the beach, pier, funfair, candyfloss and sticks of rock have been virtually straight outside the station.
We go to Brighton on New years day every year(by car though as no trains run), whether it's raining, snowing or sunny and the kids (and me and DH) love it so my point is it doesn't have to be a glorious summer day to have fun at the seaside.........I'm sure you're DD will have great fun.

Kids love trains, mine do, and you'll have an 'adventure' too.

College will create friends and opportunities to get blind drunk and once you've passed you're driving test you'll be out and about eveyday.

Blimey all that talk of rainy days at the seaside I might go today...........a few umbrellas and fish 'n' chips on the pier will be great.

Have you thought of contacting Gingerbread? It's an organisation for single parent families. There is probably a branch in your area. Have a look here .

Homestart is another organisation for single parents maybe they can help a bit.
You are young and you should be able to go out sometimes, everyone should. If you don't you will probably get to feel worse.
Isn't there anyone nearby who you could go out with?

hang in there nikcola. It will get easier. What do you really like doing....cinema, swimming, keep fit etc. You just need one thing to start you off as you are feeling low and that stops you having any 'optimistic' thoughts as to what you can do. Obviously we all have to mask our feelings and you will probably find that you make friends with a mum who feels exactly like you. Apologies...for rambling..but give it a go.

First of all nikcola, give yourself credit for making the first move. Learning to drive and starting college are huge acheivements, well done you . I would think that within a few weeks of starting your college course you'll make loads of new mates and your social life will not look quite so bleak ! Do you have a member of the family or a friend who could have DD one night a month so that you can go out ?

DH and I don't have a huge babysitting network, but we can usually persuade my Mum to come over from Wales to have DD for the night whilst DH and I go out. Like I say, it is generally one night a month, but it does us good to be Luci and Si for a while and not just Mummy and Daddy.

Nikola, I think starting college will be a great thing for you, and I also think that gingerbread is a great idea. They do loads of social activities.
You haven't wasted your life at all..you are only 20 and your life is only just starting .Things might look bleak now but in 10 years you will look back and feel like a different person.
Without sounding too american and soppy, try and think of the future as a big present that you haven't opened yet...who knows what's inside??

You sound amazing Nikcola! You're way ahead of me in learning to drive too!

College will really make a difference to your life too. Even if you don't get to go out in the evenings much you will still be meeting so many new people. In the meantime are there any Mumsnetter meet-ups near you that you could take dd to? I also agree with the idea of taking dd on a train-ride to the seaside etc. It sounds as though a change of scenery would be good for both of you.

ok thanks for all the support you lot never fail in making someone feel better, im going to vist my mom next week in tamworth me and ddd are going on the train on friday staying at moms friday nite and we are all going to drayton manor(its a theme park) on sat themn they are bringing us back on sunday, im looking forward to it i just need to fill those awfull silences with my mom thanks again , oh and i cant afford it but im having my hair done on tuesaday bout bloody time i look like a rag doll

jmj1 and freckle thanks ill have a look at those sits now thank youxxx

i ment sites

i cant spell today sorry jmg1

Nikcola - I know exactly how you feel. I am 25 and have 3 kids. I have no qualifications, no job, can't drive and never go out.
I sometimes really struggle to find anything i like about my life.
You have done really well. You are having driving lessons and going to college soon (what are you going to do ??). I haven't managed any of that and i don't really have a good excuse.
I know what you mean about going out, i never go anywhere. The last time i went out with a friend was the first time in years and i was terrified but i forced myself to go and i had a great time.
It's my birthday soon so i've asked her to go out somewhere. It's been years since i went out on my birthday.

You should give yourself some credit for the things you've already done and just take things slowly, you'll get there in the end.

i hope so nutty, i didnt go out for my 18th and i wished i had of my 21st is next year and i want to do something but everything costs a bomb,
im going to be doing health and social care at collage nvq so i can work in a care home what ive allways wanted to do, i hope you do go out for your birthday youll have a great time , if only we lived closer to each other we could go out! how are things with your dp now ?

Things are loads better thanks Nikcola. Sorted lots of things out, and i'm hoping that the new house will give us the fresh start we need.

You should definatly go out for your 21st. I didn't go out for my 18th or 21st either.

Hopefully you will meet some people at college too and be able to go out with them. Are you doing a full time or part time course ??

im doing a full time course, dd will be going to nursery while im at collage so hopfull she can make some friends too! i just have to get the tax credits sorted out so they can pay for her to go there.
im glad tings are sorted out for you and im really pleased about your house you deserve it whats it like?

Hey, Nikki. Turn it round, honey. You are ONLY 20 (I'm going to be FORTY ONE in less than a month. Now THAT is seriously old). You've got yourself on a course to do something that (a) you've always wanted to do (b) is really worthwhile (c) can take you places. You've got your lovely daughter. You are out of a relationship which really did sound as if it dragged you down. You're doing BRILLIANTLY.

Course you want to go out and have a life. You should. And no, it's not easy with dd. What about the couple of old mates you're still in touch with? And I too think college will give you some new opportunities for a social life.

You've come such a long way since you first posted here, babe, and that was not very long ago. But the thing I can't help you with is the silences with your mum...if you find any solution, can you tell me?

I remember going to Drayton Manor when I was younger. Your dd will love it.