Advice please - resigning over of lack of childcare

[Lasvegas]

I feel absolutely emotionally exhaused by the fact that in 3 years and 3 months I have had 10 different childcare arrangement which have all fallen through. The before/after school Nanny (who was brilliant) has resigned and I cannot face recruiting again. If I leave my career then I will not be able to return to it when DD is older in 6 yrs time. I do enjoy my job but cannot face putting myself and DD through more upheaval. Am I being defeatest? Is this the norm for most people?

I'm not surprised you're exhausted. This is the reality of childcare, isn't it....

I really do sympathise - I've been extremely lucky to have my mum around for ds and I know not everyone is in that position.

Can you take a week's parental leave to give you time to think?....can you manage without the income you bring in?

This just fills me with dread - looking at schools for ds at the moment and the length (ie the shortness) of the day makes me shudder - how the hell do we get him there and pick him up??? I don't know what the answer is, just know it is cr*p.......LV would you really not be able to return?

Childcare was bad when she was tiny, now she is a school we need split shift nanny, who has own car, which is so hard to find. Work are being very kind and say I could reduce hours while I look for another nanny, but in my heart I know that the next one won't stay long either and a few months later I will be back to recruiting again. I suppose I think enough is enough for my sanity. We have had bad experiences with childcare in the past and I feel that I am risking DD physical and emotional wellbeing. Money is obviously an issue - will have to live off savings and hope I can find another part time job. If I could earn net 9K per annum that would be enough, as most of my current salary goes on childcare any way. I am in the law so no couln't return.

Are there no good childminders in your area with space for another one? or nurseries with preschool and postschool facilities??

Any way of freelancing so you decide your hours? Or looking to find a law job with more fleixbility (CAB, Councils whatever?).
I know dp and I will face this come next Sept - my only advantage is the holidays aren't so much of an issue as dp is a uni lecturer so has shed loads of holiday........Its the day to day that will be the crunch.

it sounds as if the burden of dealing with the childcare is all on your shoulders...do you have a DH/DP? Is there anything he can do to take this pressure off you???

I know a friend who works for CPS part time.

Just been drafting a job description for my replacement. I actually feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. It has been such a slog raising a child and working full time with expensive and inadequate childcare. I returned to work full time when DD was 7 months old. I know people on this site say how hard it is being a SAHM but surely it cannot be that hard as DD will be in school 8.45 -3.00. DH doesn't do childcare he is away alot and when at home out 7.30-7.30pm. I am sure I will find another part time job even if it is a job not a career.

I've all but given up my career in the NHS and despite not having found a job in the last year, I think it was the best thing to do.

I got my self into sucha state emotionally, physically and financially by attempting to have it and be a fulltimeWOHsingleMum. It just wa never going to work. THe best and most difficult thing to do is to admit it and move on! You have a plan, you should have no probs finding parttime work at that salary and your quality of life will be so much better.

And, when you start to doubt that you've done the right thing come back and read tgis thread and remmeber all the shit you have left behind!

Lasvegas, I had to give up a well paid job for this reason too - now I earn £3 an hour childminding, it's crap.

It is difficult. I was able to go part-time when I had DS#2 so that I only worked 9-3. And I work 2 days from home. So that makes it easier. But prior to that it was a nightmare - I worked 9-3 in the office and until 5 at home. I was luckier that you in that I had an excellent reliable CM but it still cost a fortune and I had the awful CM/school/work run in the mornings and afternoons. God I would never ever do that again.

I do sympathise, my cminder (a family friend) has just informed me today she is having an opertion on Friday and won't be able to have ds next week. I don't pay her so don't feel I have the right to be annoyed - but I still am!

I did know she was due to have an op sometime over the next few months but she said she ept forgetting to tell me.

It's too late now for either dp or myself to get time off work (I teach, so can't just take a holiday anyway)so we are stuck.

ok. let's go through your points:

split shift nanny - what about an au pair? any way you could squeeze one in? this arrangement would be ideal for before and after school - of her 5 hrs per day she could do the drop off and after school minding and be free in the middle of the day for english lessons or whatever. your dd is old enough imo.

needs own car - you could buy an oldish small car v. cheaply - e.g. you would get a p reg punto for less than £500 and insurance would be about £300 p.a. then the au pair could use it provided she could drive.

bad experiences in the past - yes know what you mean. with au pairs and nannies turnover can be a problem can't it? i don't think you get the best candidates for this role either. however, to make the au pair thing work better you could build in a retention bonus - e.g. say the pay is £60pw but there is a bonus of say £25 per week payable if she stays 6m.

other ideas:

get together with other parents and lobby for an after school club at the school? we were having such a bad time this time last year and the after school club has made a big difference. ours is run on the premises by the nursery assistants from the school nursery.

take your allocation of parental leave and (1) rest and recharge your batteries - everything will look much less hopeless then and (2) you will have time to devote to your search.

in short i don't think you should give up just yet. woh with school age children is very, very difficult imho.

good luck and hth.

maybe mnet can help you find someone. where do you live?

could you do a later start so that you can do the drop-off yourself - then you're only looking for one end of the day - maybe a bit simpler? i do this - drop ds off then get to work by 10am. my motto is "if you don't ask you don't get"

bosykate thanks, sorry for late reply. We have had 3 au pairs and never again.

Spoken to work and they don't want to loose me, so have started trying to find somone for after school only and then will negotiate with work to reduce week by 5 hours. In meentime I have signed on at recruitment agency to hopefully find part time work (anything as long as I earn £9K -10K net).

Good to hear that others found it a struggle, makes me feel less of a failure.

Hi LasVegas, I work as an internet researcher for AQA (among other things) and I get to work exactly when I want and as much or as little as I want. The pay isn't wonderful but better than nothing. They arn't hiring atm (unless you live in Ireland/Oz/NZ) but they do have recruitment drives often. There is a link to the page you need here: AQA just check back every so often and good luck.

I work from home btw which would suit you too.

ooh, Callisto, this looks really interesting - sorry, know it wasn't for me that you posted it but I would love home based stuff...how do they know how much to pay you?? I can't work it out, is it per question?

Sorry not to get back sooner. Yes, you're paid 30p per question on a self-employed basis. It is less than minimum wage (especially if you get caught up in researching interesting questions) but you can work as and when. Even with other stuff that I do plus an 18 month old dd I manage to make £100-£200 per month. I love it because it truely is 100% flexible as long as you have answered at least 50 questions per month.

thanks for that Callisto

It certainly sounds interesting! I will keep an eye out to see when they might be recruiting here again. Would love to do this sort of thing!

calisto thanks for the site will bear it in mind. I finish at work in 3 weeks time. I need a plan of action as the idea of being out of work fills me with dread. Have had to cancel DD big and very expensive birthday present as desperately trying to economise. I have never been without a job beforre, even as a student I worked part time.

sorry you have had a bad time with your childcare
i am a childminder and most of the children i look after (i have 17) i have had since small and its lovely to watch them grow up