What would you do..?

[shhhh]

Right let me paint the picture 1st.....

DH is self emp and works from around 6am till 7/8pm and has done since he started this current contract 4 months ago. The time is mainly travelling time and it can take anywhere from 1.5 hours to 4 hours to get to and from his place of work.
Now this contract has also been on the basis that its "good money and short term" and that come the end of dec he would finish as expected. This was fine 4 month ago when I was 3 months pregnant BUT now I am 7 & half months I am finding things a struggle. I have an 18 month old dd to look after and as I have spd and sciatica I am struggeling. Housework is now becoming hard and I hate asking dh to help out at weekends as its easier to do it myself iykwim. I usually get hit with the same old replies: I have worked all week, I;m tired,I will do it tomorrow, Its not important etc......
DH has been asked by the company to stay on until the end of Jan as he's valued etc. They have suggested if he stays on then he doesn't have any notice period and should he need to end his contract early then its fine........

The problem is I am due 31/01/07 and this contract extension will take time to around 28th Jan...........A big worry for me.

I have told dh to do what he wants as he's now asked me around 4 times about staying on longer so I sense thats what he wants to do, he also says that the extra money will come in handy (which it will) esp as dh plans to take around 3 months off with dd, baby & I. Yet dh never seems to worry about money etc when he decides to go out with the lads or to buy yet another item we don't need.

I know that baby2 could take hours or day to arrive BUT it worries me in case it only takes a few hours. Time I don't think dh could make it home in. I have my mum local who is preped to look after dd but I think "what happens if she needs to come into hospital with me..?" (Im a pnd sufferer so its taken me months to get used to the idea of mum having dd alone while I am in hospital)..It means that my plans go out of the window and unplanned things stress me iykwim.

I have told dh to do what he wants BUT on the basis that he could miss the birth which I know he doesn't want to do.

He's come back with a reply: "a typical unhelpful response". So thanks to my DH. I usually sing his paise BUT atm in time I think he's an arsehole...

What would you do..?

BTW the ways hes offered to pay my mum for helping me out during the week (daily for a few hours) but tbh I know mum would be insulted and I don't think I could cope with seeing my mum this amount of time...Plus I get the age old response from dh that "my mum see's dd more than his mum does" FFS she works and my relationship with her isn't 100%. I can't win. Well I can....If I bend over and says "oh thats fine dh".

Sorry for the length..x

BTW I suggested he ask's about working 2-3 weeks in Jan or changing his hours so towards the end he works part time iykwim or works from 10 till 2 so at least he misses traffic and is home at an hour he can help me more..

No go area....He won't even ask his boss.

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i think you're going to have to let him get on with it (as hes expecting you to do by the sound of it!)

i agree you need more help and he SHOULD be the one to help you out but otoh i guess you need the money so he can be with you 3mths after the birth?

i really think i'd rather have him at home for that time when the sleepless nights are getting to you etc than have him home under your feet etc before the birth.

is there any chance (as he's gonna be earning more money) you can get a childminder to have dd1 for a few hours a day to give you a break? and get some much needed rest before the big event?

would you be happy though for your dh to work up to the due date when he works so far from home..? I know many women have given birth alone of without their dh's but it scares me...Even having my mum with me scares me as I feel she would be quite protective as I'm her dd and with dh at least he doesn't have that tie iykiwm..With dd he was a great help and support and I trusted him as he had read all there was to know about birth etc.
A doula would worry me as well as I would feel she didn't know me 100% and that it would be a stranger I am birthing with.A home birth is a no no as well...That also scares me..! God I sound a wimp now..! Honestly I would feel safer in hospital. DD's birth was just over 10 hours and a water one (ish) so no real problems BUT I'm huge and worry that this baby will be bigger than dd was (9lb 4oz) and that I may struggle.

He wants to attend, I don't think thats an issue BUT I just feel that atm all he can see is money..

BTW forgot to say, he arrnged a cleaner to quote us for a weekly clean....They wanted £300 a month.. She was escorted out of my home straight away...I also don't know where to look for cleaners who are not part of a franchise iykwim..

Sorry about your dh and work btw. x

meant to say depending on where you live a cm would be around £2.50 - £5 an hour, money well spent imo esp if he finds the money to go out with his mates and buy stuff you dont need. plus your dd will get used to other children before baby comes (unless she already is in which case thats fab)

have a lookin newsagents windows for cleaners, obv you dont kno if theyre reputable though. maybe a friend or someones teenager might do it for a few quid. not long ago i paid my 16yr old bro to clean my downstairs windows inside and out for £5

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Its not neceasarily about dd as tbh she isn't hard work although I am now stopping baby gym as I find it a challenge. This makes me feel bad as I hate her missing out. Also if I had a childminder my mother would go mad. She would gladly have dd 24/7 BUT its me who won't let her go . I don't want dd to feel things are changing and to wonder why mummy isn't around as much as normal.

I think my concerns are more around dh working till the date he wants to..Just wondered if anyone had an solutions..?

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Regarding the cleaning, do you know anyone who has an au pair - they are often interested in taking on cleaning jobs to supplement their income, could also babysit so you can have a rest. Otherwise I would ask around, check in the windows of local shops for people advertising, etc.

Even where I live £300 a month would be . £15 for a couple of hours sounds more like it...

A neighbour does have a cleaner for £5 hr and she asked her if she wanted extra work..sadly she didn't. She would have been ideal as at least a few neighbours use her.

Like you said, I need one on recommendation really. BUT there is no way I would pay £300 . Obviously thought I looked mad .!! Maybe I may post on another thread asking if anyone knows anyone locally..??

BTW dd does mix with other kids. We go to baby gym on tue's and music on wed and I have also started to go to a local soft play area which she loves..Also not as demanding on my body..!

Oh I dont know....I think I am just scared about the birth and just when I though everything was planned dh drops this. I know he thinks I am being selfish but at the end of the day it's not him who has to go through it and possibly alone.
He thinks I am mad about thinking such a thing BUT I know how travelling can be...Megglevache your dh's travelling sounds the same as my dh's.

I suppose I also though that the last month would allow him time to be with dd more (before baby2 arrives),to help around the home and maybe to allow dd to continue baby groups so at least a bit or normality continues.

I think I will see if any local mner's know of cleaners.
The extra money dh earns is really for use while he's off next year. Means we would be comfortable with him having a few months off iykwim. He would be earning enough to cover bills and some spends.

shh - I'll be in a similar position to you next June. I'm due DC3 - and DH could be anything from 15minutes - to 2hrs away - at the time of me needing him. My parents are 400 miles away - so kind of stuck there.

How easy is he to get hold of at work. With my DH I can be trying for quite some time (took me about 2hrs once!) to get through to him - he works on his own and his mobile is used constantly for his work - which means contacting him could be difficult.

HOWEVER, if he were to stay at home around the time the baby is due he'll miss out on sales, consequently affecting the chances of him getting his much needed monthly bonus (we rely on it to pay quite a few of the bills) 2 months later.

On that front I think you're just going to have to do what I'm going to do - so "oh well" and hope for the best.

However, definitely agree that getting someone in to help with the cleaning is a must!

men 'eh..! suppose they are needed to much . Needed to assist us and needed to work..!

I have chilled a little and think maybe things will go as planned..Its hard though when pregnant and all your worries take over.

Well dh is quite easy to contact by mobile. Sometimes I struggle but usually he answers straight away. Its just the distance that worries me.

I'm on a mission to find a cleaner now...My mum has offered to help clean things BUT although she's my mum I couldn;t have that. I was mortified when I came from hospital last week to find she has put some washing on....Didn't have the heart to tell her..!!
Dunno I think maybe it's me not wanting to put that on her iykwim.