can anyone help me make this life changing decision?

[maisystar]

please bear with me if i ramble.....
my ds is 3 and a half,we moved to sheffield from north yorks 7 months ago basically because i was bored living in small rural market town.

i really enjoy living in sheffield, am at college, have made new friends etc however ds hasnt settled very well. his potty training has gone from bad to dreadful and the goodbyes to his grandma, grandad, aunty, uncles and cousin who all live in n yorks are heartbreaking.

i know that given the choice he would return to n yorks like a shot and if im honest he would be much happier there.

he goes to pre school 3 days a week which he loves.
i am single and dont work at the moment so dont have a partner or job to stay in sheffield for.

i am quite emotional at this moment cos am struggling with the potty training and ds has just been referred to STEPS although not for anything serious but still upsetting (and have got pmt!).

i just cant decide what to do for the best, i need to decide on a school and get his name down before 1st march at the latest so feel the pressure is on iyswim.

please help as am now incapable of being rational-am starting to see it as a choice between either ds OR me being happy.

I think if you are happy in Sheff you should stay there as children will settle eventually and he will make friends and be happy. Could you have some of his friends over to play after school to keep him occupied?

There is no point moving back if you will be miserable as that would make you both sad and children do get used to things. Could you do more fun things with him too or increase his time at school? HTH

i think you have to stay where you are happiest...he will make friends soon, he could have been going thro a really bad patch if you'd stayed where you were...you'll never know...hang in there i reckon, maybe he needs more time to get used to it, if after a year he still is the same then maybe it's time to rethink: oh sorry the schools thing, that makes it more difficult...i still think that if you are much happier there, you should stay...

I think collision is right - he will thank you for staying in Shef when he's a teenager!

It's not like you're very far away from your family, and your ds will settle.

feel guilty though, that im not doing whats best for him. s'pose i feel that im being selfish

I think collision is right - he will thank you for staying in Shef when he's a teenager!

It's not like you're very far away from your family, and your ds will settle.

Not selfish MS as in the long run he will probably be happier if you are happier. Where in Yorks were you? Its not as though he is 15 and about to do his exams and has a big network of friends.....he is only 3.5 and there is plenty of time for him to make friends. Most Mums will prob say that this is the best time to make a move.

hi MS as a fellow sheffield dweller i would have to say stay here, there is so much more here for him especialy as he gets older, if he loves pre-school then i'm sure friends will follow. He's lucky to have family so close. which schools are you deciding between? there are lots of sheffield mums around how might be able to offer an insite into differnt schools

Maisystar - I'm sure you're much better off being where you are happy, and I'm sure ds will come round and settle in time.

Do you still see plenty of your family and relations at weekends and holidays? Is this what your ds misses? We've never lived close to relatives (my parents are in N Yorks too btw), so haven't been in that position.

maisystar

We moved from England to Switzerland when ds was 3 yrs 2 months. He was similarly unsettled by the move and to cap it had a new sister arrive just a few months later and started a new preschool. I would say it took over 6 months for us to get anywhere towards being on an even keel and this manifested itself in toilet troubles and a temperamental child who had previously been very easy going and quiet. What seemed to make the difference to him was a trip back to visit all the relatives and friends we had left behind (or as many as we could cram in in 10 days). It was as if he needed physically reminding that they did still exist, did think about him and like him, despite all the photos and phonecalls we had set up. Also during the first year we had lots of visitors. I feel now he just had many unresolved questions at the time that he was too young to fully articulate or understand, and this unsettled him.

What I am trying to say, in a somewhat round about way, is that it will probably resolve itself in time. He will make new attachments but perhaps a few visits or even regular letters from grandparents etc would help the adjustment. If you are happier there then, given time, he will be too.

hth

hi
he sees alot of family, normally every 2 weeks for a 1 or 2 night stay.

we lived with my parents for 16 mnths after he was born then only 5 mins walk away untli he was nearly 3 when we moved here, so he is extremely close to them.

i also am really aware that my whole family (extended family included) would be over the moon if we moved back there.

when i had my kids someone said to me the following and it became my mantra that i try really hard to hold on to. Hope it helps!!!!

A happy mum is happy child
A healtht mum is a health child.

I am sure that your child will settle in in time and i would agree that if he is enjoying nursery give him more of that it will help him make more bonds!!!