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Bridezilla actions? Yes or no? (what would you do type thing)

20 replies

Smurfgirl · 12/11/2006 14:31

Am getting married ages away. Went to DP's parents Friday/Saturday and were talking about the wedding and his mum asked if his cousin who will be 13 when we marry could be a bridesmaid and I said no She asked because he is her only young female relation. I'll call her J.

My reasons for no -

  • she is very young for her age and v.fussy, she will without a doubt pester me all day
  • my other bridesmaids will be 24 and are both close friends who will calm me down when I am stressed and who I can be v.honest with and who will swill wine down with me before hand
  • i have two teenage cousins that I am not asking so it seems unfair to ask J and not them
  • logistically it would be a pain because she lives a long way away, and i don't know what i would dress her in anyway (will prob go for coast style dress which J will not suit)
  • v.expensive to have another bridesmaid

And prob most of all I just don't want her to be, but I feel awful saying no. Am also having 2 small bridesmaids (both 5) but I know their mums v.well and they will be minimal effort tbh - nice dress + headband and coming to mine just a bit before we go to the church, would not want to treat J like this, but don't think she would fit in with the older BMs.

I have suggested that she gives a reading in the church, and that she is in charge of the guest book in the evening - will give her a small present for this and make a fuss of her. Is this ok? Feel v.bridezilla for saying no, and I know my true reason is that I do just want my older close friends to be bridesmaids and to have the two little ones looking sweet on the day.

OP posts:
NotQuiteCockney · 12/11/2006 14:33

I think you're being perfectly reasonable. Could you give her another job? Get her to do a reading maybe?

wanderingstar · 12/11/2006 14:34

Really up to you I'd say, and possibly slightly impertinent of your dp's mum to even ask !

Smurfgirl · 12/11/2006 14:35

NQC - she is doing a reading + being in charge of the guest book (she loves projects and little jobs) and we will give her a small present for this and say thank you during the speeches so she will be involved + praised

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WideWebWitch · 12/11/2006 14:37

You're not Bridezilla (and I hate them, as you know!), it's perfectly reasonable for YOU to choose who YOU want as a bridesmaid, not for mil to be to choose imo. I think what you've suggested is a lovely compromise.

WideWebWitch · 12/11/2006 14:38

I meant mil-to-be, looks like I don't understand tenses and sentence structure the way it's typed in my first post!

Smurfgirl · 12/11/2006 14:40

Feel a bit better now was quite shocked at being asked - dp agrees BTW and said I handled it pretty well!

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lorina · 12/11/2006 14:40

Does J want to be a bridesmaid ?

Or is it just MIL who wants her to be?

What does Dp think ?

Its fine to say no if its not what you want though.

Smurfgirl · 12/11/2006 14:46

J prob does, if I ask she would be excited type thing, but I don't know if she is expecting to be asked. Thing FMIL asked off her own steam.

Dp does not want her to be, agrees that she is very hard work.

OP posts:
NotQuiteCockney · 12/11/2006 14:56

Goodness, that's enough for her. You have enough bridesmaids already, don't you?

Was FMIL put out when you said "no"?

lorina · 12/11/2006 14:57

If neither you or Dp want her to ba a bridesmaid then say no.Thats perfectly ok.

Dont let you MIL boss you around this early in the relationship or she will be a nightmare in ten years time!

Rosybumpily · 12/11/2006 14:57

make her a 'page girl' so she can trail around after your dp instead!

Smurfgirl · 12/11/2006 15:01

Lol Rosy

NQC yes I think 4 is more than enough really!

FMIL took is pretty well I think, but its hard to be put on the spot like that isn't it (god when we have kids its going to be hard!)

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RTKangaMummy · 12/11/2006 15:03

Could she look aftert the rings for your DP?

Miaou · 12/11/2006 15:04

Am impressed that you thought of giving her the guestbook and reading off the top of your head like that - I think that sounds like a great compromise tbh.

I'm afraid that it is a fact of weddings that however much you try to please everyone, there will always be someone who is put out. (My grandfather refused to speak to my mum for a week because his cousins weren't invited to my wedding - neither were dh's cousins but that hardly seemed to figure )

I think you handled it really well. And I'm glad dp backed you up too - at this stage I think it's cruical that you set out how you want your dil/mil to pan out.

Smurfgirl · 12/11/2006 15:07

RTK would not trust her with ring I don't think too important dp's brother is best man and he will look after them for us i hope!

Thanks for making me feel much better though have felt guilty all day! Will maybe ring J up myself and ask her specially, make a nice thing of it for her.

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RTKangaMummy · 12/11/2006 15:10

Oke doke yes better to have DP bro looking after them

I think you did very well in your answer and deffo brill idea to ring her yourself

Hope rest of the plans go well

When is big day?

TheHighwayCod · 12/11/2006 15:39

id nto haev any tbh smirfy
waste of farking time

Bibiboo · 12/11/2006 15:49

Well done you for being able to say no. I am quit the wimp when it comes to my bossy, forthright and used-to-getting-her-own-way MIL.
We compromised a lot on our wedding day due to emotional blackmail, tears and having money thrown at us by MIL. It did work out quite nicely in that we had a good, fun day etc, but it wasn't quite the day I wanted and that will always stick in my mind that I compromised on MY day.

Good for you!

Smurfgirl · 12/11/2006 16:33

RTKM we are getting married in 2 years

;) cod have v.low mantinance friends may recruit you for BM dress shopping tho

OP posts:
RTKangaMummy · 12/11/2006 16:53

Wow deffo exciting

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