REALLY REALLY PISSED OFF WITH MY BEST FRIEND RIGHT NOW!!!

[crunchie]

Sorry to shout but I am so upset

I booked tickets for me and my best friend to see George Michael on Sun 26th Nov (booked back in APril or whatever) Last weekend she came over and we chatted about staying in a cool hotel and making a real treat of it all, we agreed to catch up on Monday if we could get an hour or so off work on teh Monday morning after the show.

I called her twice during teh week and just got voicemail, so left a message.

Today I got a text from her saying she couldn't go and she was sure I would have loads of other friends to take

I am so pissed off, angry and most of all upset with her. I can'tunderstand what comes infront of plans you made 6 months before, ones that is special for you and a best friend, and to be honest I don't have another friend to go with

I know that sounds sad but she is my main RL friend, yes I know loads of people through the kids/work/whatever but she is the one I want to spend time with and is the one who knows all my secrets etc. There isn't anyone else. DH is going to be away working.

I am sure it is somethng importantm, but she didn't even call and talk about it, just a txt. I have been in tears about it all morning, partly because I feel that I can't go now, I have no-one to go with I'll have to seel the tickets on ebay, and partly becasue I feel I just don't have any RL friends.

You know how it is, I work full time, I have the kids, I meet people via work and stuff and yes we are friends, but I am always in a different place in my life from other peopole.

What makes it worse is that it is DH's 40th b'day on Monday and we are having a massive dinner party tonight (18 people) and these are all HIS friends, people he has know since he was 4, and people he was at school with. I just don't have that

I am know I am feeling sorry for myself and I should be worrying about why she can't come, but I haven't even got another RL friend to talk about it too

Anyone want 2 tickets to George Michael on Sunday 26th at Earls Court?? Before they go on ebay !!

Crunchie, you are having 18 people over tonight and you have time to worry about this
Do you like any of dh's mates? Would one of them want to go with you? This could be an excellent way of getting friendier with one of them.

Fwiw I would probably ring your bf and ask her what is up, maybe something awful has happened so before you think bad of her check. And if it hasn't tell her you are really dissappointed but that you will find someone else to go. Do NOT allow yourself to appear friendless because that is just not true.

crunchie

I don't really know what to say. Could you take another one of your work/kids/whatever friends in the hope that it may turn out to be more enjoyable than you think?

I don't think you are alone in having few close RL friends. I have moved around a lot so I'm used to moving to a new place and starting up again - I've got lots of RL 'friends' but the few that know me very well are thousands of miles away!

Sorry you've been let down. It is an awful feeling.

Crunchie, talk to her. This is always dh's advice to me and it's usually good advice, he says something along the lines of "you don't KNOW what's happening with them, so don't make assumptions, make things up, imagine stuff, attribute lots of things to them that you cannot possibly know about, SPEAK to them." and he's usually right, while I've gone off on one thinking xyz.

Oh Crunchie I do know what you mean and how you feel. But I am sure you are lovely and vivacious - that comes through from your posts. So it is not that you don't have friends more that your best friend has let you down very badly. It is about her not you, honestly.

and I hardly have any RL friends either, I have a few from school who I'm v close to, NO work friends or local friends because we're new to the area (actually, I lie, there's one work friend and a couple I could imagine being friends with but haven't got around to doing anything about) but even if I did, there isn't much time tbh. I have some lovely mumsnet friends too, who I consider real life friends even though we met here, because we email and meet away from here too. I have time, just about to have a job, children and a happy marriage, there's not a whole lot of time for a social life really, which is fine because I'm mostly too knackered

Maybe, just maybe she can't afford the hotel, whole 'away for the weekend' thing. I used to go alone with things that I knew I couldn't always afford so not to upset people. How I wished I could have said no.

As a previous poster said, I think you should at least talk to her about her reasons, if you tell her everything, I am sure you can ask her anything.

I have tried to talk to her, left messages at home and mobile. But I just feel let down, can't help it.

I don't want to ask DH's friends as although I know them all really well (I have been married 9 years) it is just not the same, they are not MY friend IYKWIM. Sure I could ask others who I am friendly with, but I was so looking foward to it, so was she I thought.

Thing is I know I shoud be more worried about her (she has probs with her DH) and I wish she would call me back. But she often does this. SHe is too embarrassed to call so she will ignore my messages for weeks as the longer she leaves it the worse it gets. She never sees to answer her mobile or home, so I end up feeling like a stalker.

I just feel betrayed in a funny kind of way. I just don't understand, I have never had close friends like DH has and I just don't know why I do have loads of 'friends; but no real BEST FRIEND IYKWIM

SC it isn't the money I know that. We talked it through last weekend, I was so excited about it. We decdied to do teh hotel, but we could drive so it isn't that.

I just need to vent about it as I am feeling like billy no mates A feeling I have often felt in my life, but it has hit me hard again

oh crunchie - I am sure it is not a reflection on you. My dh is in the same position as yours and when we had his 40th bday party (14 close friends), I remember thinking exactly the same as you are now. People cultivate friendships differently and he may have just been lucky enough to strike up with a good group of friends right from the start (my dh is an only child and I get the impression that he invested a lot of time in his friendships when he was younger).

btw, as a friend, if I am going through a hard time, I tend to pull back from people because I hate the sympathy vote (iyswim) so maybe she just needs a bit of time?

I see, crunchie. Could someone on here not meet you there? I so wanted to go, and would be if we hadn't come to Oz & I would have offered to meet up, if I could get to the venue...just a thought, instead of you missing out on your night?

thanks sc

That's ok. I did ask DH if I could fly to the UK to see GM, but strangly, he didn't seem keen!

I understand it's not nice. Could you get a babysitter and get dh to go?

I have put these tickets on the for sale on MN see here as I am too upset to want to go tbh

Try and hold out for as long as possible though Crunchie.
Your friends circumstances may change and you might be able to go.