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Original poster

how many nights a week can he stay?

24 replies

nikcola · 01/05/2004 19:39

my recently made ex dp is having probs at home and i am on income support does anyone konw how many nights a week he is alowwed to stay i dont want to get in to trouble p,s he is not giving me any money he ainr got any for his self

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Original poster
nikcola · 01/05/2004 19:45

by the way he is sleeping in dds bed

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Nutcracker · 01/05/2004 19:48

It used to be 3 but i'm sure it recently changed to 2.
Hope someone else can tell you for definate.

motherinferior · 01/05/2004 19:51

Didn't know you'd split! Are you OK?

WideWebWitch · 01/05/2004 19:53

Nikcola, why isn't he giving you any money for your dd? Hmm? OK, nag over! Tinker asked this question last year, I'll see if I can find it.

WideWebWitch · 01/05/2004 19:54

Found it! Not sure if it'll have the answer though.

LadyMuck · 01/05/2004 21:04

Nikcola, there isn't a set rule on this one: your benefits will change if a) you are co-habiting ie lively together as a married couple or b) he is giving you money. There isn't a set test of what comprises co-habiting. However it will be harder to prove that you're not cohabiting as you were together until very recently. I guess that the fact that he is marrying someone else may help your case, but you'll need more than that. Where is he staying when he isn't at yours?

The other thing to consider is how this will play out with the CSA. You can't say that you're not in contact with the father if he is staying with you a couple of nights a week.

Original poster
nikcola · 01/05/2004 22:10

no the csa is all sorted he pays £50 a week direct to me but dss no about that and they are in the prosses of deducting my IS,

OH I DONT NO ILL LET HIM STAY TONIGHT THEN THATS 4 NIGHTS HE HAS STYAED THIS WEEK ,
www. yeh we split up about a month ago there is a thread i think cant do links but i think its called cas income suport i dont understand, yeh im ok thanks for asking a bit confused but ok (used to be shireensmom)

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WideWebWitch · 01/05/2004 22:15

I know you were shireensmom, that's why I asked, I just didn't know what had happened with you recently. Oh, I SEE, you meant he doesn't pay you any money to stay there? Ah, sorry, I misunderstood and thought you meant he didn't contribute towards your dd.

fairyfly · 01/05/2004 22:17

Anyone can stay three nights a week, if you have them over ore you have to claim, personally i'm not going to ring up the council and tell them if i'm getting it or not

LadyMuck · 01/05/2004 22:23

OK, so the CSA is sorted then, that's good. Then as far as him staying, what you need to think about is how would you "prove" that you're not living together as "a couple". So separate rooms is a good starting point. The number of nights alone doesn't mean anything, though the assumption will be that if he is staying at your house the majority of the time he is living with you - it is up to you to prove that you're not "a couple". I guess at the end of the day, the benefits office would need to understand why he was staying at your place.

Original poster
nikcola · 02/05/2004 12:04

www, sorry i dindnt no that you knew it was me , dp finally gave in to his bitch of a mom and is getting married in june, i think i have come to terms with it now but i still think its unfair what she is making him do she wanted to split us up and that is what she has done so she has won,
what i dont understand is how she can live with herslef she is making her sons life hell just so she can be happy i really hate the woman

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hercules · 02/05/2004 12:06

Sorry nikcola but it isnt his mums fault. It is his fault. Of course there is lots of pressure in asian families but he does have a choice.
He has a daughter and responsibilities that he isnt mature enough to accept and unfortunately the sufferers are you and your dd.

hercules · 02/05/2004 12:08

What i mean is it's easy to blame her ad you are entitled to think what you like of her but it is his choice and fault.

WideWebWitch · 02/05/2004 17:19

I agree with hercules nikcola: he should say no to her. I don't think the benefits office are going to think you're a couple once he's married to someone else though so this problem will go away. Although I assume he'll stop this staying with you when he feels like it lark then? Sorry he's still being an arse.

motherinferior · 02/05/2004 18:17

God, I'm so sorry, for some reason I've missed ALL this.

He really is being an arse, honey. Tell me, do you believe him?

Original poster
nikcola · 02/05/2004 20:37

do i belive him what do you mean?

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Original poster
nikcola · 02/05/2004 20:49

bump

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LadyMuck · 02/05/2004 21:04

I think what MI is getting at is "do you believe him, when he says that he has no choice in going along with his arranged marriage"?

Every man has to stand up to his mother at some point in their lives. Yes family loyalty is important, but he has a daughter! Where is his loyalty to her?

Original poster
nikcola · 02/05/2004 21:57

yeh i belive him but also i no that at the end of the day he could just tell her to f**k off and stay with me and dd but he wont because he obviously cares more for his mom than me and dd and that is what hurts the most,
i was the one that was there for him when she kicked him out over money and no he does this to me,

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motherinferior · 03/05/2004 14:32

Sorry, I wasn't back around last night. LM was right.

I'm very angry with him. I reckon everyone else feels the same way.

Original poster
nikcola · 03/05/2004 19:11

im angry with him too the ony prob is i havent told any of my friends (the 2 friends that i still have left) or my mom and dad im scared im going to get the i told you so speach !!!

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motherinferior · 03/05/2004 19:18

Why not start by saying 'Look, please don't say "I told you so"; I really don't need that at the moment'. Head them off first thing.

And can you get back in touch with your mates from before?

Original poster
nikcola · 04/05/2004 00:08

no all of my friends from before are all in to their boyfriends and there posh jobs they dont want to no me anymore, im just feeling sorry for myself its only been 4 weeks since he moved out and im so lonely allready i cry non stop all day im allways shouting at dd she really doenst no whats going on bless her, even though he comes to see her everyday and he stays over i hate being on my ownn things scare me like if something happened to me like i collapesed or something dd would be all on her own i no it sounds stupid,
it just feels like im 20 years old and my life has been a mess since i was 14 i have always been on my own and now im on my own again,
and he will get to get married and have a nice happy life with his poxy family while im left on my own to bring up dd (sorry i just needed a moan it proberly dont make much sence)

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Original poster
nikcola · 04/05/2004 23:39

is anyone up for a chat ?

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