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Original poster

Toddler groups - a good thing?

19 replies

GooseyLoosey · 06/11/2006 11:52

I came back last week from my local toddler group vowing never to go again. Once again someone had given me unsolicited comments on my parenting - this time to the effect that I should send my son to play group as he was clearly bored with me and keeping him with me (the 2 days a week I'm not at work) was selfish.

This is not the first time I have left fuming and have also spent much of the time feeling excluded by cliquey mums who seem to live in each other's pockets.

On the other hand I have made a small number of friends without whom life would be a great deal less pleasant than it is.

As I have now decided our toddler group career is over, I wondered about what other people's experiences of these things are?

OP posts:
madmarchhare · 06/11/2006 11:54

They are god awful places and I will NEVER go to one again.

tassis · 06/11/2006 11:54

i love the ones i go/have been to

Tutter · 06/11/2006 11:56

isn't that like saying... restaurant, a good thing?

some good ones and some bad ones. some nice mums and some nasty mums.

LadyOfTheFlowers · 06/11/2006 11:58

me and ds1 (16m) went for the first time last week, due to go again tomorrow. everyone there helps each others kids onto the bikes etc and tells each others kids if they are being selfish etc, like taking toys from another child 'give that back to x, x had it first'
they are happy to tell my child off, the youngest there might i add, but not happy to include me iyswim.
they go and stand at the coffee bar together and eave me alone with ds2 who is 2m.
another mum has one the same age but just leaves her baby in a bouncer chair and goes to the bar with the others. (i clocked her with the baby and thought i would have someone to befriend)
i will take him again tomorrow and see how it goes. there are some kids there who are due to start school and are very boistrous (sp?) as they are clearly bored with the baby toys and stories and bikes etc. but as i am new, feel i cant really say anything as i want to fit in.

Original poster
GooseyLoosey · 06/11/2006 12:00

Tutter - I don't know, I know some mothers who have been to several toddler groups and view them all as an experience not to be repeated.

OP posts:
Surfermum · 06/11/2006 12:01

It sounds awful and I would either not go to a group where there were people like that or avoid those people.

I love going to my group. I had to persist in the early days when I went and no-one spoke to me, but I think that's just the way the group is organised, it's quite chaotic with people and children running round all over the place, rather then me....

Anyway, for me it was a case of going and just getting used to seeing people week after week and forming a relationship. It's hard when you're trying to have a conversation and watch that your little one isn't bashing another over the head with a brick. I've made some great friends, and so has dd. But I do keep thinking about how difficult it is for someone who comes new to the group and doesn't know anyone. I'm thinking about suggesting a buddying system.

madmarchhare · 06/11/2006 12:04

Oh no, that would be worse for me

Clary · 06/11/2006 12:04

yes agree with tutter.

You may have to try different ones till one feels right.

I loved our Friday morning toddlers and was thinking just the other day what a shame we don't go any more (DS2 is at nursery school now and anyway at 3.5 was outgrowing it) - I miss chatting to the mums I knew for longer than a quick "hello" in the school playground.

It was a lifeline for me when the dcs were younger.

tassis · 06/11/2006 12:05

I get irritated when people have been to a few and not liked them and assume all are the same.

Or go to one once and make judgements about it.

For some of us they're a samity saver. I've met some lovely people at the ones I've gone to. Ds is going to go right up through school with the wee ones from his toddler group - cute and nice to know some of the mums.

madmarchhare · 06/11/2006 12:06

I havent even been to a few. One was quite enough thank you very much. DS liked it though.

Callisto · 06/11/2006 12:06

I haven't been to one but I feel guilty that I should as dd (18 months) doesn't have any friends living in the same village. I am dreading it tbh, as the nearest one is meant to be v cliquey.

Original poster
GooseyLoosey · 06/11/2006 12:10

Tassis - don't think they are all the same or wouldn't have asked, I am just feeling particularly jaundiced about them now as actually went home and burst into tears after the last one I went to (as also told it was cruel to put children into nursery)! However, as I said, I have made lasting friends through them so even mine is not all bad.

OP posts:
ilovecaboose · 06/11/2006 12:10

For some people they are fantastic and as someone has already said can be a sanity saver.

PErsonally I have never found one I liked out of the several I have been to, but I haven't been to them all.

Some good some bad. SO yes I do think they are a good thing, even though I haven't found one I like yet.

Troutpout · 06/11/2006 12:24

Some god-awful
some bearable

sallyrosie · 06/11/2006 12:33

hmmm...I quite like toddler groups, but of the several that I've been to only one has been actively friendly and welcoming.
My DD loves them though, and whether people speak to me or not I see them as a chance to get out of the house and let her enjoy herself.
I'm quite young for a mum around here, and often quite scruffy looking on most weekday mornings so don't quite fit with the polished boden look that the other mummies seem to maintain which doesn't help integration.

anniebear · 06/11/2006 14:11

The ones I went to were all great

could have been so different as I have twins and one has special needs

Must admit, I did go to one where no one spoke to me!!!

But otherwise fine

My DD's had a great tiome and I got a cup of coffee !!!

nannynick · 06/11/2006 19:58

Last winter I tried out a few of the ones localish to where I work (rougly within 7 miles). When going to a new group, I always tried to go several times, to get an idea of what it was like. Took to some groups better than others, though currently only go to one toddler group, as it was the only one where most people there accepted me (note, not all of them accept me... but hey, that's life).

Groups do vary quite a bit, and while I tend to chat with anyone via e-mail and on forums like mumsnet, I am certainly not as chatty in person. So think perhaps I make it hard for myself to fit in at groups, as I don't overly go out of my way to get to know people. I think I'm actually scared of new people

One group I went to for about a month, before being told that their insurance didn't cover me Yeah right, like I believed that. But I did take it as being a sign that they didn't want me there, so they got their wish... I haven't been since. For those of you who may feel that you get ignored by other parents/carers at toddler group, I know all about that, as I'm often the only male (aged over 4 years old) in the place! Luckly I've found a group that does accept me, well most of them do, so its nice to have an hour or so where the children I care for can socialise with other children in a group environment.

Pruni · 06/11/2006 20:03

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LadyMacbeth · 06/11/2006 20:12

I find them to be a useful way to kill the two or so hours leading up to lunchtime. Gets us all out the house.

They are hell to 'break in to' but you have to go a few times before you become established on other people's radar.

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