Failed adoptions - has anyone had any experience of this?

[LouBeeLou]

Fairly new to MN and have be lurking mostly but need to ask for some advice.

I am the eldest of 5 children - 3 birth children and then my youngest bro & sis are adopted. They came to our family about 7 years ago, aged 4 and 5.

Anyway to cut a long story short - to date my bro (now 11 yo) is now in 'disturbed' foster care as my mum could no longer cope, and my sis (now 12 yo) is on the 'special' list at school and is being constantly suspended for her behaviour.

As the eldest it seems to have fallen to me to keep my parents from cracking up (also have dd aged 6 and full time job) and we all feel failed by social services and local education authorities for lack of help.

One problem I think is that we live in a fairly affluent area and this is the first 'failed adoption' in our town.

Has anyone experienced anything like this or know of any kind of support groups/websites? I have searched on the net but can only find stuff on HOW to adopt and nothing on adoption problems.

Any advice would be gratefully appreciated.

Hi LouBeeLou, and welcome to mumsnet! I don't know of any support groups/websites, but do have some personal relevant experience. I don't want to chat online about it - but if you want to email me, I'd be happy to share experiences with you. (Click on 'contact another talker' at the top).

Thanks, that would be great.

Have sent you my details (I think!) on 'contact another talker'

OK - sometimes takes a day or two to get processed at mumsnet HQ - so don't be offended if I don't reply immediately

No personal experience Loubeelou, although have a family friend who was adopted and experienced problems with attachment, and made his adoptive parents lives hell! There is a charity in London that help families who have experienced problems with adoption. You could always email them and ask them for advice, even if you don't live in the SE, they may be able to help or at least, point you in the right direction. See www.postadoptioncentre.org.uk Good luck

Adoption UK have a message board that I've used. I don't have any relevant experience to help you, but I'm sure there are lots of people on there who have.

Sounds awful but feel a bit relieved that others may have experienced similar, and not just our family.

Thanks bran & littlemiss - will check out those sites.

Loubeelou

I asked my sister about this, she is an adoptive parent and sits on an adoption panel these days. She sent me this reply:-
I went to a talk by Ron Weinstein who runs The Young Options Institute (www.addcentre.co.uk or www.youngoptions.co.uk) who is an expert on ADHD, which I would guess may be the problem of these two adopted youngsters.
This organisation is private so any help they give will cost, but they may be able to offer advice as to what to do next.
Without knowing the whole story the family do appear to have been badly let down and they could even consider threatening legal action over the lack of pre adoption information or post adoption support - it is a growing trend.

Don't know if this helps.