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Original poster

I don't have a best friend

11 replies

ooohsopink · 18/04/2015 23:54

Is this weird?

I moved around a lot as a kid and left the area I went to secondary school in, losing touch with the few friends I had.

I have one girlfriend from college, who I lived with for two years, who I'd class as my oldest friend but other than work colleagues, I don't have many friends and not one I would say is my best friend.

As I'm getting older, I am starting to feel like I am missing out on having that person in my life, but I imagine that a best friend has to be someone you have history with, that you grew up with etc.

Am I alone in this situation?

OP posts:

Sparklingbrook · 18/04/2015 23:58

Nope. My oldest friend who I see week in week out I have known for ten years.
I am not in touch with anyone from school or who I grew up with at all. It has it's advantages, nobody to rake up stuff from the past and remind you of things. I was bullied all through High School.

Don't worry too much. x

Almostnever · 19/04/2015 00:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FATEdestiny · 19/04/2015 00:02

If it bothers you, its a problem. If it doesn't bother you, it isn't a problem at all.

I don't have a best friend, not since I was at school.

I have lots of different circles of friends, from different overlapping branches of my life. I don't feel I am missing out on anything. I have friends to socialise with and confide in as needed.

I could say something clichéd and vomit-inducing (but absolutely true) like the fact that my husband is my best friend. But I reckon I might get slated for that.

jaynebxl · 23/04/2015 06:22

I don't know any adults who have a best friend. Or indeed many children. So long as you have enough friends to keep you feeling fine that's all that counts.

jaynebxl · 23/04/2015 06:23

And I'd agree with Fate. If I had to pick a best friend it would be dh and I know he would say I'm his.

LL0015 · 23/04/2015 06:48

I teach DD 8 not to have a best friend. Have lots of friends, have some that are more special but not one who is the best.

If she wasn't the 'best' friend in her class, she may be sad so it's better to be a good friend to everyone.

It makes sense to both of us.

IhavenevermetAnthonyHead · 23/04/2015 07:30

I am the same as you, and honestly I love it this way. It suits me perfectly and I don't feel I am missing out on anything.

I have had a handful of 'best friends,' at different stages of my early life, each for a few years at a time; primary school, secondary school, college, none of whom I am still in touch with now - I'm 49. The last time I had a best friend was from 16 to 30. We were exceptionally close for many years but because of geographical distance, then having children, and our DHs not having that much in common we gradually drifted apart until we ceased contact all together.

I have had lots of very good friends in my life, but apart from two or three (who I must say are very good at bothering to keep in contact with me rather than the other way around) I have drifted out of touch with most of them, usually because I have moved away. I tend to live in the moment where friendships are concerned so thank God for Facebook which is a lifesaver for keeping distance friendships going but requiring zero effort or commitment from me.

I would find it quite smothering and invasive to have a 'best friend' now as I like my own time and space, I am quite private and don't tell people everything anyway, and I don't feel a burning need to keep in daily or even weekly contact with anyone. It helps that I have a very good friend in my DH - he fulfils that need in me and is the only person I want to see more than once a week. I also have several sets of friends who don't cross over, and who are all different and suit different moods and purposes, iyswim.

PlasticCircus · 23/04/2015 07:38

I'm the same. I my DH at school though, so I suppose he is my 'best friend' technically!

However, I have 3/4 really good friends who I have know a long time and I see fairly regularly. It suits me perfectly as I am an introvert so I don't feel the need to see them all the time. They're all from different areas of my life (old school friend, hobbies and ex work colleagues) so it keeps things interesting! I like having lots of different people in my life rather than one all-consuming friendship.

Oodear · 23/04/2015 07:46

I don't have friends for me. I have mummy friends and Uni friends but outside of those contexts I don't see them. Feeling it at the moment when things aren't great with dh & I

IhavenevermetAnthonyHead · 23/04/2015 07:51

I think having a best friend can be problematic for some people. It can become about ownership of another person and it can make it difficult to accept when they have other people in their lives that they value, in much the same way as if you are in a romantic partnership and your partner has an affair or flirts too much with another person - it hurts. Platonic friendships shouldn't need to get that intense - it's not healthy.

Original poster

ooohsopink · 24/04/2015 00:04

Really appreciate all the responses - I guess I see other people who have that bond with their 'bestie' and it makes me wonder what it's like. I do have some lovely friends, but after a marriage break up they are no longer in the same area as me - I tend to keep in touch via FB. My other half is wonderful and we are the best of friends as well as being partners - it's the female side I'm missing out on I think. All your stories helps me understand that it's not just me though - so that's actually made me feel more normal - and that's a gift. Thanks everyone.

OP posts:

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