My friend's dd has become really nasty to my dd!

[lars]

My dd came home from school yesterday really upset, more to the point really moody.
It appears she is having a difficult time at school no real friend as such. She plays with my friend's dd who is in the same class. There is also another girl who plays with them, so it's like the saying goes 'two company, three a crowd'. Anyway appears the two girls have been ganging up on her and being a bit nasty with their comments. They said she was adopted, totally untrue of course but dd questioned it anyway. My friend's dd has being really nasty saying that she gets more money for her birthday then my dd. Also my friend's dd makes rather strange comments about how well off her family are and that they can afford a £26,000 caravan and my dd said that's alot of money not for my family it's not she replied. I t's all starting to get on my dd's nerves not surprising. My dd feels totally out of it and not included in the time out after school.
Anyway, I phoned my friend told her about her dd not all of it I may add but she said she would have a word with her. But i'm starting to think is her dd getting this attitude from home. They live in a big house and yes they do earn more money. But they are no better then us and come from a working class background just like us. But were lucky in their careers with no formal qualifications. I wish them good luck but I just shocked to think their dd is a spolit brat that looks down her nose at our family( sorry big rant I know!)
What do you think, should I be annoyed and what about my poor old dd and should I tell my friend everthing her dd has said about the money issue ? Larsxx

How old are the girls Lars? I wouldn't tell your friend what has been said, as such, but I would say something about them having a few squabbles atm but in a fairly lighhearted, 'you know what girls are like' kind of way. I would simply keep emphasising to your daughter her great points, making a big deal of how kind she is, how she always cares about others etc. Basically, the stuff that is about her not about how much she has. Her sense of self-worth comes from what a good person she is not from what she owns. Your friend may associate the value of something with its cost and there's not a lot you can do about that. I would simply reiterate with your own daughter that this is not the case.

Sorry this is a bit waffly but that's what I'd do I think.

Thanks tinker for your advice, I'm not sure that dd wants to be friends with my friend's dd now.
Not a problem for me as I think dd needs to move into a different circle of friends and needs to try and find true friends that consider her feelings as I know she would consider theirs. larsxx

Hi Lars
I would actually tell your friend about what her daughter has been saying. She may be so proud of what she has achieved in life, that she may inadvertantly have given her daughter shallow, materialistic values without meaning to. Anybody intelligent doesn't value other people by how much money they have, and if your friend is remotely intelligent, then she may be very upset that her DD is developing these crass attitudes and wish to address it. It will be easier for her to this sooner rather than later, but she won't be able to if she is not aware of the problem. She might not welcome the news (and you'd have to be extremely tactful about how you delivered it), but I for one, would rather be told about things like this than be kept in the dark.

How old is your DD/friends DD Lars

There is a little girl in DD1's class (yr2) who is a bit like that. I know her parents and she does get it from home - they are "working class made good" so to speak and openly admitt "having to keep up with the Jones's".
I have been impressed with hte way DD1 and her peers have handled this....they just say "so?" and change the subject..it maybe because they (ddand peers) have little monitory value, I don't know.
As an eg the little girl was in my car and telling DD and friend that they had just booked their holiday and it had cost £xxx (not WHERE or WHEN they were going note). DD hasn't a clue what a holiday costs it could be £5, £50, £500 or £5k - so it tends just to roll off her back.
Maybe it won't when older though!!

Sonnet,My Dd is 10 along with my friend's dd.
It has really put me off them now. I know where they live people often refer to the road as 'keeping up with the jones close'.
When I think back my dd asked my friend's dd round to our house from school she replied 'no. I don't think so'. The other friend just takes sides against my dd. I've told dd to find other friends as I know i'm not too impress with the attitude of my friend's dd. BTW we are not really close friends and I feel she is 'blind' to her daughter's attitude. To be honest I think i'm a little fed up with the mother's attitude as well, thinking that her daughter is so popular with everyone, not the case fell out with her other friends.I know i'm really ranting on and sound really bitchy but can't help it!!! larsxx