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What should i do? Possible trigger. Very sensitive.

10 replies

BotoxBitch · 30/03/2015 18:46

Gosh I cant even believe I am writing this here goes...

I am 31yr old mother of two gorgeous babies, getting married in 8 weeks. Life couldnt really be much better.

My mum calls me today (very bad relationship with her, shes an alcoholic and has nothing but caused me and my siblings harm). She is ringing me to say that the police have contacted her regarding her ex of 15 years ago, Pete. Pete sexually abused me for around 4 years (8yr-12yr) whilst my mum was with him, started off quite mild but turned serious. It was stopped when he was arrested as he had done it to another girl and she had spoke out. The police picked me up from school I was interviewed and told them everything. He was put away and in them first few weeks, whilst he was awaiting a charge/sentencing whatever he tried to commit suicide. To cut a long story short my mum said I should lie to the police and tell them i made it up. The reason she told me at the time was that his 3 children had lost their mum (to cancer 2 years previous) and how dreadful it would be to loose their dad too. So I lied and told them I was lying. Unfortuately that wasnt the end my mum then proceeded to take him back. At the time I thought she hadnt believed me, now I know she did she just didnt care. I went to live with my dad then and everything for me got alot better. My dad brought me up so well, i had a good childhood, was given morals, education went to university and I am the person I am due to him. I was 12 when i was placed with him. My mum eventually left Pete because he beat her one day.

The police want to interview her and have asked for my details, she rang me to ask if she can give them to him. I instantly said yes and its noones but our fault that this has now happened. I meant hers.

I want to do this, but the timing couldnt be worse. I am not this mans victim and never have been but in my weaker red wine moments I do get upset that he got away with it. Im shaking and teary now writing this, my dp isnt here and I dont think im ready to ring my dad.

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MinesAPintOfTea · 30/03/2015 18:58

You don't have to do anything, and certainly not tonight. Have a bath, listento some music or go for a run and give yourself some time to process this and speak to your DP.

Once you've had a chance, then its still your decision. It might help someone else if you give a statement, but also think about whether it would help you or not.

Finally, none of this is your fault. Neither the abuse nor your dm advising you to retract your original statement.Flowers

BotoxBitch · 30/03/2015 20:22

Thanks. Had a long bath n oh is home. I know what i need to do. Specifics are so grainy. Does it matter? It happened for years but u can probably only remember 5/6 specific events Sad

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ImperialBlether · 30/03/2015 20:27

What your mum did is truly shocking.

Why are the police contacting you now? Has he reoffended?

BotoxBitch · 30/03/2015 21:10

I think he must of done, dp thinking they may just be revisiting file but I doubt that. He must be 70 now.

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MinesAPintOfTea · 30/03/2015 22:07

A few specific events which each of is alone criminal could help the police. They would be best placed to know though.

BotoxBitch · 31/03/2015 22:38

Police contacted me today. Gosh it's consuming. They seemed very sympathetic and are coming to interview me this week. Told them the truth about my mum too.

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ImperialBlether · 01/04/2015 17:51

This must be so hard for you, particularly having to talk about your mum's involvement. I was so angry on your behalf that she left him when he hit her, but didn't protect you.

Tell the police everything you can think of - they will be very skilled at talking to people in your position and you may well remember more than you thought you would.

Take care of yourself - it's a very difficult time for you.

BotoxBitch · 01/04/2015 20:46

Thank you Sad they are coming at 10am, been jotting little things down,... Dp wants to be there but I did to do it alone, can't stand him knowing so much detail, me painting a scene for the police and him seeing it Sad

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CrispyFern · 01/04/2015 20:52

Is there someone else you can have there with you? You are very brave doing this.
Also, you have got a lot on at the moment with the wedding coming up, make sure you look after yourself. Can the police offer any counselling? X

BotoxBitch · 01/04/2015 21:28

I've had friends offering to be there but I think I wanna do this alone, I just don't want anyone to know such detail. I'm worried people will see me differently. I'm slightly worried about what disclosing it all will do to me, but it needs to be done doesn't it? This man has never been punished.

I will ask re counselling? I think that would help me x

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