How do you share the christmas break?

[MamaMaiasaura]

I am getting all worried about how to share the christmas break this year. Last year my exp has our ds for 23,24 & 25 and dropped ds round in the afternoon of 26. This year as agreed ds is spending xmas at home with me and dp.

My exp celebrates the winter solstice and his weekend falls on the xmas weekend. I offered him 21, 22, 23 and dropping ds back on the 24. HE isn't happy with this as he wants ds on boxing day as well to open his presents and I can understand that. I did suggest an early xmas but that didnt go down well.

I am sat looking through diary and trying to work a compromise to offer him on sunday and thought of this. exp has ds 21, 22 & 23 drops ds back. THen has ds overnight for the 26th and drops back the 27th. It seems alot of toing and froing tho and ds is only 6.

Also I dont really want to offer a longer period following 26th - like 26, 27, 28 & 29 as ds lives here and feel that he would want to spend some time actually playing with his xmas presents..

Am I being selfish? I want to offer best solution for ds but am already dreading ds being away xmas day next year as he has already told me he likes spending xmas here and doesnt want it at daddys.. his birthday is coming up too and although he spent it with me last year and I know I ought to send im to his dads ds wants to spend it with us. Am already thinking that I will arrange a party at a hall so that his dad and partner and kids can come too.

argghh help please with advice x

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just bumping this for you really . The thought of this is my worst nightmare . Best of luck sorting this out .

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It doesn't sound to me like you're being unreasonable. You seem to be bending over backwards to sort out a compromise.

My step-d comes to us on Boxing Day for a week. Last year "her" weekend fell on the Christmas weekend so her mum agreed for her to be with us Christmas Eve and Christmas Day as well. This year we are back to Boxing Day for a week and as "her" weekend falls on Christmas Eve we've said she needn't come if she doesn't want to so she can be with her mum.

Dsd (11) is really clear that she now wants to alternate spending Christmas with her mum and her dad. That's what she sees as fair. I think he does need to listen to what your ds is asking. A couple of years ago dsd rang to say she didn't want to come on Boxing Day as her mum and family were going to a party with a disco and she wanted to go. While we were disappointed, we were really, really pleased that she felt able to ring up and say what she wanted and there was no way we would have "made" her come. She was about 8 at the time and I really don't blame her for choosing a disco!

Sorry, I've rambled a bit, but the short answer is, I don't think you're being unreasonble.

thank you surfermom for replying, really feeling stressed about this and already worrying about next year too.

I am thinking that I will say to ex-p that I have thought about him wanting dss on boxing day and that instead of having him for xmas eve weekend perhaps he could have him 26, 27 & 28. That way ds get build up to xmas with me and dp, and then spends boxing day and a few days after with his dad.

I was also thinking (this probably sounds really selfish, but it is to stop any more difficulties) to suggest that we do this each year so his dad know he has ds on 26, 27 & 28 and can make sure he has time set aside for ds.

I'm surprised that there aren't more replies to this, so I'll bump it for you!

What you're suggesting is basically what we've said to dsd's mum, she has her for the build up, we'll have her afterwards.

We do the following on alternate years:
SS with us school break up until am boxing day this year, then off to his mums and stepdad's for rest of boxing day upuntil just after NY Day when he comes back down to us for the remainder of his hols.
Next year will be the reverse, school break up until boxing am with his mum and stepdad, then over to us for rest of boxing day and upto just after NY Day when he'll return to his mums again.
Works great as on alternate years we all get a NY free to do something!! (if I can get babysitters for our other two anyway )

That sounds like a really good set up Frizombie.

I spoke to exp tonight when he dropped ds off and suggested he have the 26,27,28 and back 29. He doesnt think he will be able to get time off work although he hasnt had ds over any school holidays or half terms and is entitled to 19 days a year. HE suggested again that he has ds for both the days before xmas, he comes back to me for 25th and then off to his dad for 26th and then back to me. I am not happy with this idea and said it is too much toing and froing and he can either have before or after. Unfair on ds to only have xmas day at home and then be carted all over the place.

Also suggeted that perhaps we arrange that he goes to his dad every yera for 26,27,28 so that it saves any confusion.

Long story but only have had ds with me for 2 xmas's since he has been born so getting really fed up with this