Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Other subjects

Flip

Original poster

Following on from the other thread...

14 replies

soapbox · 27/10/2006 21:17

If your DH said he wanted to give up his job to spend more time with the family, how would you react?

If you are a SAHM would you be prepared to go back to work so he could do this?

If you are a WOTH would you be worried at becoming the sole earner in the family?

Would you mind the drop in standard of living it would bring to the family?

Just seeing whether there are double standards at play

OP posts:

ilovecaboose · 27/10/2006 21:20

I'll admit to having double standards here - we were talking about this the other day (he had 2 weeks off work and looked after ds the whole time). I wouldn;t like it cos I'd feel (irrationally) that he was taking my role. If anyone should give up work/study it should be me. Despite the fact that I don't want to.

Stupid I know and yes double standards - but I would be uncomfortable with him staying home and playing 'mum'.

harpsichordcarrion · 27/10/2006 21:22

If your DH said he wanted to give up his job to spend more time with the family, how would you react?

we have talked about it, and we have considered it many times, because I have greater earning potential and his job has been very dodgy for a long time. I would want to know why he changed his mind and how he would seek to allay some of the concerns we previously had, especially re getting back into his career after a break and in particular how he would cope with dds social life... (which he would HATE)

If you are a SAHM would you be prepared to go back to work so he could do this?

yes.

If you are a WOTH would you be worried at becoming the sole earner in the family?

wouldn't care.

Would you mind the drop in standard of living it would bring to the family.

actually it would probably mean income would go up but I would really worry about missing the girls.

oranges · 27/10/2006 21:24

we had htis conversation and decided we needed best by ds. so at the moment, I can breastfeed, and dh has a better, regular job so he should work ft and i should stay home and work part time. BUT, if I get offered a better paying job (like the one I had before) and his career was stalling, he's happily stay home. I think I'd like that, at least for a while

lockets · 27/10/2006 21:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

prettymummified · 27/10/2006 21:32

spoken about it, i'd be more than happy to, dp would love to stay at home and i enjoy working. he can make money from home on ebay and buying and selling cars.

popsycal · 27/10/2006 21:35

DH and I have this conversation regularly.

I reduced my hours earlier this year to 2 days a week, dropping my management responsibilty (I am a teacher). I was in a bad way - sky high blood pressure, distraught at leaving ds2 who never settled with the childminder, stressed to death). We were not much worse of as my mum has the boys when I work (well, just ds2 now that ds1 is at school). She wont accept any money, so factoring out the childcare, we are only arounf 120 pounds a month worse off.

However, DH HATES his job. It is going nowehere fast. But for what he does (he himslef admits he does very little at work (hmm)), he has good hours - 8 til 4 (but occasional weekends) so he can see the boys for a good stretch of time on an evening. he fell into after graduating then travelling for a year, got promoted quickly then never really left. He monas abotu it but never looks for a new job.

I know he resents my situation just a little bit but has also said that he does not have the need that I felt to be at home and would go stir crazy being at home with the boys all day.

I have better earning potential than him. He would love to retrain or do a less well paid job (but doesnt know what...)

We ahve an informal agreement that once ds2 is at school, I will start to look for more full time work (4 days a week maybe...) and he can take some time to retrain/take a pay cut etc. I do have to remind him that childcare/the school run etc would be part of his role......

I think though the key to it for us was that due to my ill health and my emotiona need to be at home, it was our only option despite me earning more pro rata than DH

TheBlonde · 27/10/2006 21:36

I wouldn't want my DH to give up work
I'm a SAHM now
Working I only earnt 1/4 of what he does
We couldn't afford for just me to work

Now if I could make the same $$ as him it would be different

3andnomore · 27/10/2006 21:41

At this time not an option as the drop was to ig and would mean giving the house u and whatever else, and we don't ive in a big way now....but in the future, who knows! Actually we are looking into outr jobs. possible jobs right now, and if we each had regualr but no matter how long hours job we could earn as much together but have more time as he is now, and give it a few year more, I could earn as much or more as him ...so who knows what the future bbrings...and why bot!

Frizombie · 27/10/2006 21:45

Dh tried this the other day I reminded him that as he wanted me to be at home with the kids and not go back to my career that he was being a looney. Yes I am prepared to go back to work, but he doesn't want this.......I am happy to be sole earner, but he wants to be great white hunter, whilst spending more time with the kids.....do you think he's having a mid life crisis??
Our standard of living is already pretty low...

LadyHeatherMillsMcCartney · 27/10/2006 21:50

Whats a woth?

Posey · 27/10/2006 21:57

We couldn't afford for dh to stop working as my earning potential would only be about 1/3 of what he earns and we couldn't survive.
I don't think he would want to be a SAHD. He loves odd days in charge, loves lots of days "en famille" (a favourite phrase at the mo), but think he would seriously struggle to juggle what I do as effortlessly as I do

LadyDooM · 28/10/2006 15:52

I would personally love it...let him deal with the cooking, cleaning,laundry, getting kids lunches packed and walk them to school. LOL A woman can do all of the above and hold a full time job. So it would actually take a load off my schedule and more time to relax.

Smurfgirl · 28/10/2006 16:01

At the moment our grand plan is for df (he will be dh) to stay at home with our children, i have far greater earning potential.

CastsSpellsWitchySpells · 28/10/2006 16:18

I'd love DH to swap for a couple of weeks so that he could see how blummin hard I work being a SAHM!

I really can't see DH wanting to swap ever. As much as he moans from time to time, he does love his job, and he'd go insane if he couldn't stimulate his mind the way that his job does.

I was the sole earner briefly before we had kids (well ok, it turned out to only be for a day before he got a new job, but we didn't know that would be the case at the time ), but despite my handsome earnings potential, DH earns very well, and we would miss the additional income. We could survive fine on just my previous income, but we wouldn't be able to pay off the mortgage early or have lavish holidays, and I think that this would actually stress DH more than me.

I would miss DD terribly if I went back to work full time though. I've not spent more than an hour or so apart from her since she was born! Ah, if only she'd take a bottle occasionally .

Good question Soapbox.

Flip