following from the how oculd your dcs best rebel thread - what would you LIKE them to do different?

[hatwoman]

ie different from how you did it?

Find a career that they love earlier than I did & not waste time in rubbish jobs trying to decide what to do.

Also be more assertive.I have become stroppy in later life & wish I'd done it years ago.

Not be so concerned about how other people view them.

Not be 'people pleasers'.

Accept that it is OK to not like certain people, or for certain people not to like them.

Not go to university just because their parents want them to - or because they couldn't think of anything else to do.

HC - I echo both of your sentiments entirely.

i really hope they're more emotionally mature than i am, meet the love of their life fairly young, marry him/her and live happily ever after.

talk to other kids before the age of 16

Be happy in her own skin when she's a teenager. Be picky about partners. Value herself and make and keep lots of female friends when young rather than being doormatty with unsuitable types. Understand that she's beautiful.
Work hard at uni and be adventurous.
That's it! Not too much to ask

to live life to the full, travel the world and not think that they have to settle for the first person that seems nice to them.

to know that they are loved no matter what they do and so do what they want not what they think i want them to do.

To avoid all that teenage angst stuff. To travel. To be confident enough not to "settle down" too early. To cultivate friendships rather than waiting for them to happen. To trust themselves not keep comparing themselves with others.

I'd love them to have a plan - be directed and execute it. but I won't mind if they don't. I'd also like them to be self-aware and mature enough to know that they're not self-aware and mature. age 21 I thought I knew myself, I now know I knew k'all.

HumphreyComfrey - i have to smile at yours about accepting it's ok not to like some people and not to be liked by some people - dh asked dd2, age 4, the other night why she didn't play with some kid or other at school. she replied: "well Daddy, you know how everyone's different and not every gets on? well it's just like that really"

To be respectful, polite and friendly. But at the same time the ability to say no when they don't really want to do something. To pursue their dreams and find a partner that will support them emotionally in whatever they do. And most of all I just want my kids to be happy, and live.

I would love for them to find a career that they enjoy that does not involve them sitting in an office all day

Make lots of money and keep their parents in the style to which we wish to become accustomed. We have simple tastes - I want a mansion and DH wants a yacht. Not too much to ask, is it?

Seriously, I would like them to do something different from us just for fun. Their stroppiness levels seem about right, and I don't think we made any truly terrible mistakes.

pooka, you said it exactly.

but how is it done???

To have more confidence and feel that she is a wondeful beautiful strong capable woman who deserves to have people around her that love her.

HC and Pooka said what I think. So, how to get there?

I wouldn't wish for them to do anything differently from me - I don't regret anything I've done or the way I've done it.

If they want to take a different road then it's fine by me.

i would like my sons to do everything differently to the way we did it!

I would want them
Not to ever binge drink
Not to experiment with drugs
Not to smoke
and if they go to Glastonbury to take a tent.

I really really don't know how to do it Hovely & Redshoes. I can't think of anything my dm did "wrong" as such (she was/is brilliant) so it's not as if I can work out how to do things better. The only thing I can thinkof is that my dm was rather anti-social insofar as she and my father didn't have a varied and shared social life - he worked/she was completely turned in on us and the house. So I am really trying to ensure that dd gets to mix as much as possible with lots of friends and also that she gets to see her own mother and father having fun themselves. But I'm not sure whether that'll make her have higher self-esteem - suppose a great deal has to do with all sorts of variables and the only thing you can do is to be as positive as possible.