BF and Ex under same roof - is this wrong?

[Zayna99]

Sorry, I'm new and don't really know where to post this. I'm not familiar with your acronyms either so please forgive me..

My partner of 2 years - we live together - lives some distance from his ex and child. 400 miles away. He travels all the way there once a month and stays in a hotel, takes his child for days out and things.

This weekend, ex met him half way with their daughter. They rented a chalet together, though it had separate bedrooms. They do not get along as a couple which is why they split, but seem to think it is ok to meet up and share accommodationg. What upsets me is that their child is probably hoping they will get back together. Though my partner has taken his daughter out alone while his ex has been doing other things, last night she was begging her mother to go with them on today's outing.

I think they are wrong to be staying under the same roof. Does anyone have any advice please or any opinions?

They have never really sat the child down and had the conversation about dad leaving, he just left, at first they said he was working away but as time has gone on, presumed that their child knows what has happened. The mother will not allow me into the childs life, although we did meet once earlier this year, and though the little girl was fine with it, the mother freaked out and said never again.

I really don't know what to do, I can tell him I am upset by him sharing accommodation with his ex and he has promised he won't do it again, but I also think they are messing with their child's mind and that what they are doing is totally wrong.

Please, if anyone has any comments or suggestions, I'd be very grateful.

i think that first things firs they need to discuss the long term future with their daughter. she thought he was working away and is now supposed to just "know" that they have seperated?? how selfish. they need to sit her down and explain that they couldnt get along and so they have seperated, daddy now has a new girlfreind etc etc.

under these circumstances i think that it would be very confusing for his daughter to see mummy and daddy sharing accomodation.

i then think that the three of you, you him and the ex need to sit and chat. maybe you could all meet in a restaurant half way?

if you and your BF are intending to have a happy future together then she will need to acknowledge you are part of his life and therefore his daughters.
whether she likes it or not.

then you will need to discuss alternative arrangments for contact. how old is the daughter? could she not spend half terms with you and your partner? they are every 6 weeks instead of 4 but he would see her for longer?

I would happily have a meeting with his ex. She knows me already, has done for years. But she will have nothing to do with me and says she doesn't want another woman in her child's life. Incidentally, I did not break their relationship up, they were separated when we met.

My partner feels he has to go along with whatever his ex says or she will stop him seeing his daugher, who is 9.

I'm not sure if my partner is saying one thing to me - that he wants his child in our lives but it's the ex forbidding it - or if it is him who doesn't want to admit to his child that we are a couple in case he 'breaks her heart'.

I just want a normal life. My previous partner had children and though he and his ex were bitter, the children were included in our relationship, the ex got used to it and everything was fine.