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Original poster

Guilty mother

16 replies

taramac · 22/04/2004 11:10

I am a SAHM with my younger son aged 2 and have 6yr old at school. Most days we potter @ home together him playing watching tv, me excercising, on the computer, reading, housework, etc. We interact but I very rarely am sitting down actively playing with him with his toys. We cuddle, giggle and talk all the time but I still have this constant guilt that I should be on the floor playing with him for some of the day. I feel that because I don't want to do this this makes me a crap mum. Does anyone else feel like this? Am I being unrealistic or should I be doing this with him? Its hard fitting it all in and my exercise is so important to me as I am desperately trying to lose weight. Please be honest. I don't want placated just want to know what everyone does with their kids in a day. Long one I know but thanks.

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 22/04/2004 11:23

I feel exactly like you. I contantly tell my 3yo "later" but somehow later never comes and I feel terrible about it

Um... that's really not much help is it...?!

iota · 22/04/2004 11:31

Ditto - have been on pc all morning - ds2 is upstairs watching TV, wreaking havoc and doing playstation

Kayleigh · 22/04/2004 11:35

If he is happy playing by himself and isn't asking for you to come and play don't worry about it.

I feel guilty when my little one says "no more computer mummy". Then I have to go and do a puzzle !

ponygirl · 22/04/2004 11:37

Me too. I always promise myself (and ds2) that I will sit on the floor and play, but it rarely happens. This am (ds1 at school and dd at pre-school), we've played while he was eating, and played when we went to do his nappy and I spent about 5 minutes encouraging him to walk (he's 14 mos). Other than that he's trundled around with me playing with toys and stuff while I've made tea/paid a few bills/checked email & mumsnet/ just done stuff. He'll be off to bed in a minute for a long sleep and when he wakes up dd will be home. We've 'chatted' and interacted most of the time but I'm not kidding myself that it's one-to-one play, which it should be. God, I feel terrible now. I'm going to go and play with him for a bit (properly) before his sleep!

But taramac, you're not alone, far from it!

iota · 22/04/2004 11:39

I send ds2 to nursery 3 days a week for his "quality time"

Pennypocket · 22/04/2004 14:05

Thank God Taramac! I am pretty much the same and am always beating myself up about it. I interact with DS all the time pretty much like you but he is always very happy playing by himself and often gets annoyed when I try to join in.

I think as long as DS is happy (and mine is very happy) you have nothing to fee guilty about.

Momp · 22/04/2004 19:37

This is family life if you're a SAHM I'm afraid.

Guilt comes with the territory!

highlander · 22/04/2004 20:34

Taramac,

when I was a kid, my mum and dad NEVER played with me, but I don't think many parents did in those days. Play was very much left up to me and my sisters' imagination. We were very poor and had v.little in the way of toys (educational or otherwise!)

My fondest memories of childhood are my mum and dad taking me for a walk (1-2hrs) every weekend. It was fab - we looked at animals, trees etc, gossiped about what was going on in the village, played hide and seek.

Me and my siblings have all grown up reasonably well adjusted (I think!) and we all did really well at school/college/uni.

You ARE spending lots of time with your kids and with all that cuddling and giggling I bet they go to bed at night thinking, I love my mum.

Personally, I'm very wary of parents who organise their kids activities all day, leaving no time for kids to amuse themselves. Kids need long stretches of the day to learn how to play by themselves.

Sounds like you're doing a great job!

kando · 23/04/2004 11:21

Wow, I was going to start a thread on this topic, but you've beat me to it highlander! I feel exactly the same as you - I have 2 dds, aged 3 and 16 months. DD1 goes to nursery 2.5 days a week, but when she is at home (or when it's just me and dd2) I find myself feeling guilty for not "getting on the floor" and playing with them. Like you, I talk to them, cuddle with them and ever since dd1 got a copy of Elton John's "Are you ready for love", we've been dancing around together too (!) When the weather is good we also try to get out for a walk every day. Most of the time both dds amuse themselves or each other and don't really ask me to come and play with them, unless they want a story. DD1 watches either "Finding Nemo" or "Monsters Inc" on most days. But I still feel guilty about it just the same. I'm glad I'm not the only one feeling like this, and I know this doesn't help you very much, but at least you know you are not the only one who feels like this.

kando · 23/04/2004 11:22

Sorry, that should be taramac, who started the thread, not highlander. Doh!!

harman · 23/04/2004 11:29

Message withdrawn

LIZS · 23/04/2004 11:30

omg This thread could have been started by me. My kids are same ages and with dd our days are often unstructured with her playing somewhere happily, looking at books, watching tv and chatting together. She also goes to a playgroup 3 mornings a week which does assuage my guilt a bit. Both are pretty good about self limiting time on tv and pc too.

Kaz33 · 23/04/2004 11:58

Hey at least you are home not at work, thats a whole other level of guilt !

Original poster

taramac · 23/04/2004 13:14

Thanks so much to everyone who has responded. It is nice to know I am not alone!! Some of your replies have made me laugh out loud and special thanks to Highlander as I do do a lot of walks and talking @ nature etc with them and its good to know that that will hopefully stick in their minds! I think I have realised whilst I may not play with their toys on the floor I do encourage and participate in painting, play do and glue, glitter and macaroni pictures! So whilst its not all good at least some of it is. This has been my first post so I am really pleased to have got any response at all. I will be back!

OP posts:

twiglett · 23/04/2004 13:36

message withdrawn

PokemonStorey · 25/04/2004 12:14

Hi There - new member here - I've just been reading this thread and I was going to start another thread about "how do you get your 18 mth to entertain themselves". I work 3 days (ds is in family daycare those days, but all of the other days it's either dh or I who "looks after" ds - playing and entertaining him the whole time. It's so hard when all he does is pull your hand to lead you onto the 'next' activity. We have no family, nor network to assist us to give us a break and we're finding this absolutely exhausting (all of this playing business). I've actually read that it's the fact that you are there for them when they need you and that is that. They need time to themselves to learn new skills uninterrupted "Let Go, Let Children Grow" by Deborah Jackson. Basically nature will teach them the skills they need, by them stretching their imaginations and exploring, they learn far more in their world than you can teach them about your world. Also as they grow up into adulthood they will be spending most of their time alone. I'm actually jealous of you ladies - you have the freedom I crave. In fact some mornings I wake up cringing about what I'm going to do with my ds that day. I watch the clock to see if it is getting close to his nap time and then his bedtime and when dh gets home to take over - it's exhausting.....but I guess dh and I didn't know any better....In fact I think I will start this off as a separate thread as I'm at my wits end and NEED my space. Thank you for letting me offload on you ladies.....

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