As a Mother, I have mastered the art of................

[LadyDooM]

Sorting arguments while sitting on the toilet.

knowing when my kids are making faces or mocking me behind my back. They are always busted and wonder how I ALWAYS know. They forget I was once a kid myself. :P

..being able to interpret every type of silence.

resignation

swearing (a bit) less

thinking of a million things at once (ok, maybe slight exaggeration )whilst trying to get ready and get out of the house (i'm a wohm )

realising that when dd says new words, whilst i'm eating something she finds interesting but isn't actually old enough to eat herself, that what she's really trying to do is get me to give her some of my interesting food - we do feed her properly btw!

the sixth sense that when dd goes quiet she's doing something that she's not really sposed to do

not giving even one hoot about what people think of my parenting.
or what people think, actually

Cooking sunday lunch one handed with a grizzly baby in the other.

Answering the front door to the postman with baby still attached during a feed, her carrying on feeding, postman remained oblivious, signing for the parcel, opening said parcel, without a break in suction at all (more down to my dd's determination than any skill on my part!)

I have convinced DS1 I have telepathic skills and know when he's lying (its the guilt all over his face that gives it away) He looks at me in awe when I catch him out

Knowing what ds is upto by having a 'mother's ear' when I can't see him.
When friends visit (who don't have kids) they look so worried if he plays in the kitchen for a few minutes as I can't possibly know what he is doing as I can't see him!

Cutting up and eating my meals with one hand (usually the wrong one), while balancing a wriggler on my knee and stopping her intercepting every mouthful and bashing it to the floor/wall/window/her mouth.

Calling my ds and dd by each others names and still getting the attention of the required one in the end - somehow.

picking dropped items up from the floor with my toes whilst holding a small person

Saying "Yeah in a minute" and hoping the pressing NEED for glue/the dog/another change of clothes/sweets/biscuits/CBeebies/one legged, pre - chewed, shit, crappy toy at the bottom of the playbox will pass

ignoring kids

getting out of bed and doing my daily routine, even if I am sick with flu/cold/any virus that would knock a man on his bum. hehe

UN levels of diplomacy (refereeing battles between dss, trying to keep both happy and maintain my temper at the same time).

sleeping in the tiniest of spaces (we have ds1 in our bed and ds2's cot next to it and he sometimes climbs into the bed in the middle of the night at well).

snarling

typing one handed
ignoring fights until there is actual blood
just generally ignoring.
multitasking
naappy changeing
boring conversations.

recognising noises from upstairs to shout appropriate responses!

contraception...lol