What do you make of this? Advice needed re: playschool

[windypops]

As you might be aware DS is having a few problems at playschool, which Dh and I think is down to them not being firm with him etc etc. Just need advice on a situation, as I walked away at the time as starting to be annoyed, so I could think about it rather than going off on one.

One of there main concerns was that DS was possessive over his best friend and wanted to sit next to him etc etc, on the school holiday we drumbed it into DS that he had to share friend and make new ones etc etc. We there is this other boy who likes to play with his friend as well. Well Monday and Tuesday I have dropped DS off at playschool and when the bell has gone for register DS went to sit down, but his friend sat elsewhere (next to this other boy) DS seemed ok by it and chatted quite happily to child next to him, this other boy was even trying to goad him by saying "I'm sitting next to ......." DS didn't bite.

When I took DS today they were all playing on this indoor slide and the other boy pushed a girl off from the top and she hurt herself, the boys mum was there and it was dealt with. But when the bell went DS went to sit down, and his friend sat down next to him, DS beamed at me as if to say 'look mummy, he wanted to sit next to me', the seat the other side got taken up my a girl who also likes this friend, the other boy came on and said I want to sit there to the girl and tried to move her, she stayed put, so he tried DS and DS shook his head. This boy then flung himself about screaming and crying, when the teachers.helpers asked him why he was crying and he said 'because I wanted to sit next to ......." they got a spare seat moved my son to it so the boy could sit next to his friend.

I am annoyed because my DS did as he was told, and to me the other boy should have been told, look sorry no seats left, sit down here etc etc.

My son needs a firm hand, and if this is what happens, IE you throw a paddy and get what you want, no wonder he does it, although since we have been back he has been greatly improved.

Need honest advice, am I right to be annoyed, or making mountains out of molehills.

Have to say I would be annoyed. But it is one of those "typically" unfair incidents that happen every day in schools and nurseries everywhere. As the nursery are "on your case" about your DS I would perhaps be inclined to mention the incident to them, esp as I don't think that screaming boy should have got his own way.

Think your DS deserves loads of praise for being so good though.

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I think you are right to be annoyed - I certainly would be.

You try and set certain standards at home about making sure kids learn they don't get what they want by making a fuss - and they start pre school or whatever and things seem to be dealt with in the opposite way.

Talk to whoever is in charge - if only to air your concerns - tell them how you feel. I'm afraid it seems thesedays things are dealt with too leniently i think its just the way things are going.

For example, DD1 being "bullied" at school by 3 year old - she's 4.5. Very violent behaviour shown by this child, kicking kids in the back, pushing, snatching hair bobbles out of hair, pulling them off climbing frames - not just your average snatching - this child definitely has a problem. I don't think she actually gets told off for this behaviour - at home or at school - the other kids are just encouraged to be "extra nice" to this child. I personally wouldn't stand for it. What kind of message is that giving to the other kids in the nursery! If you kick other kids, everyone will be even nicer to you!! Its madness.

Sorry could go on for ages, but this really annoys me.

So go ahead and speak to them if I were you.

Did your DS get lots of praise for moving? I think it sounds like the preschool staff didn't see the whole sequence of events, (perhaps they were busy dealing with/talking to other chn/ parents etc),so didn't have the full facts on which to comment and maybe didn't want a "scene" with the other child. Not fair on your DS I know, as it does seem to me that they should have been more aware of Dss feelings, especially due to recent events. Is this a settling in period for him? If so they should have been extra sensitive to his friendship needs. He sholud, in any case, have been praised to the rooftops for being a sensible, caring, good friend for moving . I'd definately mention it to the staff, or perhaps comment loudly to DS within earshot of staff "What a good boy for doing what you were asked and moving your place". I hope you manage to sort it out with them.

Windypops seems really unfair and to give in to the other boy just to give them a easy day. Not on I'm afraid this will no doubt happen again.
The other boy has learn't by throwing a tantrum you get what you want . Play school are at fault here, showing wrong example to all the kids.
Mention it to them. If you explain in a nice way to them. I think they will take your point and it won't happen again.
BTW I would be annoyed too. larsxx