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Original poster

Anyone else have a family member or members which they do not associate?

17 replies

LadyDooM · 18/10/2006 11:17

I am going on 2 yrs of having zero contact with my mother a brother and a sister. I started having a problem with them when my dad found he had cancer. Then finally cut the cords when my father died and they acted like they did.(uncaring, greedy, like vultures waiting for prey to die)

OP posts:

PferPferPumpkinEater · 18/10/2006 11:37

Can't choose our family can we, but we can choose whether or not we see them.

The only family members we don't see are on DH's side and that's because they are major, big time criminals and we don't want to have anything to do with them just in case if you know what I mean.

slaughterfalls · 18/10/2006 11:39

I have had no contact with my dad, or anyone on his side of family for 18 years (since I was 12)

Daemara · 18/10/2006 11:40

Ladydoom- I feel sorry for you it sounds very stressful. I hope someone can give you some better advice than i can. the only experience i have of it is being the only child of two black sheep parents who have no contact with thier families, my dad has tried to contact his mother but she won't have anything to do with him. And when my grandmother died on my mom's side my mother was unable to visit as she was undergoing chemo for breast cancer and now has no contact with her sister. Who took the house and everything in it as well as savings and shared nothing with my mother who only wanted sentimental things. I don't think my parents will ever settle things with their families which is really sad.

All i can say is the ball is in your court if you want contact or not. If they are worth the cost of making contact or not. I really hope somone else can help you!

Helennn · 18/10/2006 11:55

Like my mum and dad I have had no contact with my paternal grandparents for about 15 years,grandad died recently and it really didn't bother me. I think when the person dies it can really create problems and bring out the worst in people,my aunty seems to remember her dad as something he patently was not, saying how close he and my nan were etc. etc. which is a load of rubbish, (they couldn't stand each other!!!).

I think this sort of thing is a lot more common than we all realise! However, I cannot imagine how hard it must be not speaking to my mum, brother and sister, (if I had them). I know my dad found it hard when his parents got very old and all the neighbours were criticising him for not visiting them and helping, he eventually caved in and got caught up in the viper's nest that was my grandparent's lives, very emotionally draining. YOu have my sympathies, .

charliebat · 18/10/2006 12:16

One of my sisters. I stopped speaking to her when I was 14.
She turned into a bit of a mad one. Kindly told me that my mum had booked in to have an abortion, and had never wanted me.. and a few other things that you just dont go telling a 14 year old.
And so as she was having a truthfest day i told her that I thought her parenting wasnt up to much and was there any reason for leaving her DS in a rotten nappy for 18 hours?
A few screaming phone calls later and now 13 years have gone past.

NAB3 · 18/10/2006 12:20

I don't see any of my blood relations.

LucyJu · 18/10/2006 12:36

Loads of them. 2 brothers (one not seen for about 8 years, the other for about 20+ years.) A sister (not seen for about 20 years. a half brother who I have never seen - must be about 19 or so now. A step-brother and sister ditto. And never saw my dad for about 6 years before he died (about 15 years ago).
Most people who know me have no idea how many siblings and half-siblings I have - tbh, I feel a bit ashamed about my situation. It all came about because of massive family fallings-out years ago - I was never directly involved in anything. From time to time, I think about tracing my eldest brother - we were quite close as children, despite a 10 year age gap. But I'm put off by the fear of opening a huge can of worms, as it were... I would say that the family I grew up in was right up there in the premier league of dysfunctional families. Thankfully, my family now are a close, boring little nuclear family - the family I used to wish I was part of as a child.
I hope and pray that my two girls grow up to be close sisters.
Apologies if I've gone on a bit, it's just that I rarely talk about any of this to anyone in real life. It's quite nice to have it in the open, even if only in the virtual world.

SCARErenity · 18/10/2006 12:43

My Dad (for about 18 years) and by association, his side of the family.

Original poster

LadyDooM · 18/10/2006 13:25

Well, in my case i think i did the right thing, they only ever made me feel bad about myself. And they harassed my father while he had cancer, even calling him up in the hospital and cussing him over the phone. I only keep in contact with 1 sister. But their are times when I temporarily forget the things they did and start feeling guilty. But then I just remind myself about how they treated us, and how they made us feel. It is hard in someways for me, because I wanted a close family. But I have my husband and 3 kids and my sister and I love them all dearly. Just I sometimes wish things were not the way they are, and that they could have been a bit more caring and not so self obsessed.

OP posts:

Glassofslime · 18/10/2006 13:31

I had an argument with my father 12 years ago and put the phone down on him and we haven't spoken since.

Twinkie1 · 18/10/2006 13:34

I don't have anything to do with my father, stepmonster, 2 half brothers or my sister.

God sound like a right saddo don't I - long story but my life is a damn site better without them in it - if your family behaves in such a way that it affects your everyday life in such a detrimental way it is time to get shot IMO!!

Original poster

LadyDooM · 18/10/2006 13:34

My sister does still talk to all of them except for our other sister, who actually won't have anything to do with her. I just don't understand how they could treat a man who loved us so much the way they did? He didn't drink, smoke, go out, or anything like that. He worked nearly all the time because he had his own business he ran from home.(auto repair) But somewhere along the way they all started hating him. My 1 sister moved back with him to take care of him when he got really bad off. The day he died they told her she had to get a job and pay the bills he left behind. And the very same day they went to his house and packed up all his clothing in garbage bins and took them off to the local dump. anyway... Can you see what kind of people I was dealing with? They also stole my sisters keys and locked her out of my dads office and garage. Then they changed the locks on his house so she couldn't even get her things.

OP posts:

themoon666 · 18/10/2006 13:35

My one and only sister. Not spoken for three years. My mum is now getting old and frail, so I suppose we are gonna have to speak at some point to discuss her care. I must admit, I have thought that if mum dies, I will deal with my sister, the will etc via a solicitor. Would still have to be in the same room as her at the funeral though.

The thing is, since we stopped speaking I've never been happier and more contented.

Original poster

LadyDooM · 18/10/2006 13:45

I know this might sound bad, but it's nice to know that I'm not the only one. I am happier and better off without them, but I still hold a great deal of anger over the treatment of my father, and my sister. And over how they would put me down and talk about each other all the time behind backs. And I guess I still have alot of anger at myself, for not more to them when my dad was still alive( He asked me not to, said it would just make things worse). I did defend him, part of reason my mother turned against me. Once while he was in the hospital and had several visitors , she had tried to ring him and did'nt get an answer. So she called me and I explained about the situation (him being tired and all from visitors, plus his blood was very low) her reply was "well all he does is lie there all day, how tired could he be" One day she might be in that same situation herself, and I wonder which of her greedy self centered kids will run to her rescue?

OP posts:

Hulan · 18/10/2006 14:25

It's going on for nearly three years since the last time I spoke with my Dad. My folks weren't married and he never really had an interest in me. I don't like him

nolastar · 18/10/2006 14:34

My Mums sister threw a cold pint of beer over me and my 2 year old dd who was in my arms in the middle of a VERY busy pub garden in the middle of summer..and left me to help my nan who was mortified home. Am still livid to this day...cannot bring myself to speak to her.

ditzymum · 18/10/2006 15:19

I didn't speak to my dad for over a year before he died (his fault, he was horrible), but when he died I felt terrible for having left it unresolved and him dying thinking I didn't love him.

Also, my brother and I fell out a few years ago because of a row I had with his wife and he took her side. Dad's funeral was the first time we'd spoken in 2 years and now we are all friends again.

My Mum is soooo happy that we are all ok again and she can see us all together for the first time in years.

I think life's too short for feuding.

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