my fathers will...advice please

[hermykne]

acknowledging he can do with his estate what he wants, he has divorced my mum this year, 15 years after they separated, (long sotry why they didnt earlier)) and now he is changing his will to reflect a new beneficary.
there is me and my sis, and he has always told us we get everything 50/50.
this person is 3 years older than me, is gay, hiv + only in the last 2 years, and a occasional user of cyrstal meth ( is that the one that allows u hours of endless (mindless) sex). but a art lover, has his own apartment and bon viver.

my dad tells me yesterday he is changing his will on wedensday as he thinks X will need money,

as i said i dont really care but i dont want any animousity after his death (enevitable not being blunt). He says we will have to give X a sum upon selling his estate if there arent sufficent monies. I dont know the amount nor did i ask.

my sis has suspected this for a while now but she knows X and has friends who know alt more about him, so shes doing background work!

i am not avaricious at all.
but my father is the worst judge of character ever. he has made so many bad mistakes professionally and personally, he is semi retired in a very esteemed profession.

any one any thoughts.
i sent him an email asking him not to put me r sis in a position where we would be forced by X for one reason or antoher.

he can do what he wants within his will as long as makes it when in sound mind...he can be as capricious as he wants and leave money to whom he chooses. he can stipulate that X be given money in his will.....but i don't know if you can be forced to give X money if not stated in the will x is to get a certain amount.,..

if x is HIV + and a drug user...why not ask the money be stipulated in the will and to be administered by trustees to pay for rehab or care for him if he becomes ill....

ultimately, it is your fathers decision...

trustees - would they be like an executor of a will? or do oyu set that up, i will say that. mind you he'll prob do it to me and sis and drip feed us til we pass on!
i asked him about what the funds would be for and if it was for respite care so it could be held in trust i suppose.
X's apartment doesnt have a mortgage and it's be worht a decent amount.

not like my sis who has to rent cant afford to buy and me who dh pays our mortgage, thats me gripping.

my legal knowledge is a bit sketchy....

exectuors are 'in charge ' of ensuring the will is executed ie monies distributed etc... think they can also be trustees - they look after certain monies and can retain it and give it as a monthly income....or the beneficiary has to apply to the trustees for the money and they can decide if it is going to give the money...

have you sat down with your dad and explained your worries...does he know yours and your sisters financial situations...how sure are you that X's property is not mortgaged

money can rip families apart..it would be a shame for your dad's twilight years to be spent sqaubbling with his family..

if he does not plan to name X as a beneficiary in the will.. i'm not sure how you can be made to give him any thing.

I would go to see your solicitor for advice, or CAB and find out a bit more....

no i havenet sat down with him yet, but will prob in the near future.
wanted to get him to babysit for me next week!

my mums just lost all but one of her siblings over her mothers will. terrible for my mum as she was the eldest and cared for them all so much.

me and my sis wont fall out over money its just how my father uses it to control as he has always done , yet we have both been finanically independent since 20 or so.
oh its a feckin novel.
thanks for listening lulu and commenting.

Presumably he's of sound mind to make a will. My father had to get a doctor's opinion before making his recently.
We had the same issue over his desire to make provision for the person helping him with his care. We thought may be £5k for her. He was thinking over £100k... ugh... So first he was going to give her a lot of money now which we put off so the alternative was 25% to her. Important point which I had written in and made the lawyers who hadn't thought of it - if they're getting a % do not include the personal effects, funriture, possessions in what the stranger gets. Also we had it that if we die first our children inherit our share but if this other person dies first her relatives get nothing. It was done as a % to avoid the problem of there being nothing left because of his care except the stated sum the other person gets so she gets £100k and we get nothing. At least 25% is reasonably fair.

hi xenia, how come you had input lik e that for your dads will. and that your suggestions were taken on baord, was you dad agreeable?
i have one very selfish dad, who would answer my queries with "i dont have to give it to you". alot of bad behaviour there, my mum holds the key re their divorce settlement and shes back from hols tomorrow so that will help. she hasnt told us anything prior to this and any time he attempted to tell me or my sis we just told him to stop.

Dh is a solicotr specialising in this area of the law. I can e-mail him the details to work (to look at at work in next day or two) if you like and see what he says.

hula that would be really helpful, is there enough on the thread for him to get the jist?

Not much to say really, according to DH.

"He can change his will to leave his estate to whom ever he wishes.

They (you) could challenge the will only if they could show undue influence, lack of capacity or if they were financially dependant upon him prior to death."

Sadly not ideal news for you and your sister, but so long as your dad is doing it because of his wishes and not under pressure, there is nothing to prevent him. He could set up a trust for the money if it is to be used for care, etc. I guess but his own solicitor should advice things like that at the time.

Hermykne

maybe pressurising your dad is going to be counter productive....you can;t make him change his will, maybe if you are more accepting and ( even if it goes against your better judgement) you will find him more amenable...

a bit of reverse psychology maybe?

but as Hulababy's DH says...he can do pretty much as he chooses ....

hula thanks very much, my mum informed me of thae same too, when she got back this morning.

so whatever will be will be and asshe says dont expect anything in life from anyone and what you do get is a bonus.

thanks again to your hubbie.

Hope everything sorts itself out.