Not sure what / if anyone can do anything about this, but I just need to "talk" to someone about what's going on in my life at the moment.
Firstly, my manager left last week, which has left myself and my colleague, who comprised her team, very vulnerable. We work for a company which takes the shortest possible view - if you're not making money for the company, you're of no interest to them. We were running the training department, and my manager left because she was getting sick and tired of not being allowed to run a proper training and competence programme, being constantly undermined, and having to second-guess all the time. We (the remaining 2) have been told today that she is not being replaced (dur! do you think we hadn't worked that one out), and we are going to be "absorbed" into another team, and will carry on for the foreseeable future, picking up her work as well. The company I work for sells itself to all clients on its brilliance, its well-trained staff and its ability to respond to the many and varied needs of the clients. It started as a small company, moving with the market, now employs over 300 people, but still tries to operate like that small company - recently getting rid of all qualified HR staff, facilities manager, learning and development manager etc etc. So I am feeling very vulnerable, and very demotivated. Trouble is that there is nowhere else within a 50 mile radius that pays as well as where I am now - anywhere else working 30 hours a week, I would be lucky to get 50% of what I earn now. Even if I worked full time, I would find it hard to earn significantly more.
Normally, this would not be a big issue, I have got to the point where I would have been willing to take a paycut to get away but last week, dh received a final written warning from his work, for consistently failing to meet the required standard in audits. The letter implied that if he got another bad result, that would be it. We were on holiday the week before lasSt (when the letter arrived), and while he was away from work, there was a spot H&S audit, and the required standard was not met. He has had to go tonight to regional HQ to see the regional manager, to discuss what happens next. We should have some idea by 10ish tomorrow what is likely to happen.
I am beside myself with worry. If he loses his job, we are up the creek without a paddle. We remortgaged last year, and paid all our debts, and were just about getting on an even keel - not spending more than was coming in (which was one of our real failings before), some months even managing to save - but there is no way that we could make ends meet on my salary alone (the mortgage would take 70% of it). Jobs in this area that pay the sort of wage he was on (not really that much) are few and far between, and he's worked for the same company for the past 12 years, so although he has plenty of transferable skills, he hasn't had to do interviews or sell himself since he left university.
I don't want my dh to know how worried I am - he feels so awful about "letting us all down" (and I feel a bit like that, too, although I wouldn't put that burden on him). I don't really have any friends that I can turn to - they all think my life is wonderful. My family all live miles away, and dh is away until Wednesday evening. I'm sitting at home trying not to take it out on the dd's and wondering how I'm going to sleep tonight.
I'm so demotivated at work anyway, but just when I should be showing them that they still need to employ me, so that at least one of us still has a job, I feel all I want to do is stay at home with the covers over my head.
Sorry this has been so long, congratulations if you've got this far, and thanks for listening.