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Original poster

oh my god.....

26 replies

KoshkaTheFIENDLYGhost · 14/10/2006 16:56

Hey i cant be arsed to change my name, as most of you dont know you anyway and i really dont have then energy to work out how to do it again.

Me and my p split up about 3/4 weeks ago and yesterday i found out im PG!

OH MY GOD....the stupid thing is i dont even remember sleeping with him, it must have been the night i got stupidly drunk, as i have no memory of then. We are always careful, i only got PG with my baby i have now cos i was on antibiotics and the condom split.

I have no idea what to do. i do not think i can keep it. i cant afford it and i cannot stand the thought of what people think.

i barely even love my 3 month old son and i dont know if i could cope.

I know im stupid, and i know im sooo thick and irresponsible. Have told XP.
Cannot tell my mum.
I'm on here because i have noone else to tell, and i need to vent.

I know if i get any replies some will be scathing that im thinking of an abortion, so i will expect it.

Im nothing like HM, or anything like that i just need some advice.
Thanks for reading.

OP posts:
lulumama · 14/10/2006 17:00

hi koshka - i don;t 'know' you - i won't be judgmental or scathing or rude or anything.

abortion - you have to decide..you will prbably get a lot of

how could you destroy a life

or

i had one and it was fine and the best thing under the circs

none of which will help you decide

realistically - you have a 3 month old, no partner , you made a stupid mistake- doesn;t sound like you are ready for another baby....

i'm so sorry cannot tell you what to do or what to think - but my heart goes out to you

NotQuiteCockney · 14/10/2006 17:02

I don't think there's anything wrong with having an abortion - you're in a difficult circumstance, my heart goes out to you.

danceswithmonkeys · 14/10/2006 17:05

No judgement here either. What a terrible situation to find yourself in. Hope you find some support here and in RL.

Original poster
KoshkaTheFIENDLYGhost · 14/10/2006 17:05

thanks. i really think it is the best option, it still makes me feel juilty. ive had miscarriages years ago and i remember how sad that was.

but i think it is. i have GP appt on tuesday

OP posts:
mumandlovingit · 14/10/2006 17:05

what as your ex said?

is it a permanent split or could things be worked out between you?

have you got post natal depression? you say you barely love the child you have got.if you think you have then i would see the doctor and get some help for that and also help deciding what to do regarding this baby.

depression cna make you think differently and you dont want to make the wrong decision and regret it later.

if you do decide that an abortion is for the best then there are tablets you can get from the doctor/hospital once its been arranged, as long as you are at an early stage.

if you decide to keep the baby then you will need to get help regarding the bonding properly with your child and help throughout the pregnancy so that you bond well and cope with this baby too.

it is such a shock to you so soon after your other childs birth.there are only 13 months between my two children.my first was only 3 1/2 months old when i fell pregnant with my second.i have coped and you will cope with help if that is what you decide.

are you young? there are groups in different areas to help young women who are pregnant and have babies.they give advice and support through everything.

can you not talk to your mum or family member in confidence?

i really think you need to have a serious talk with the father and someone close and decide which option is best for you.dont be pressured and make sure you make the right decision for you.

CreepyCrawlyCarmenere · 14/10/2006 17:06

You poor thing, fwiw you don't sound to me like you are in a good place to have another baby either, but then you just never know....And that's the thing, you won't know so it is a bloody hard decision. What does exp say?

puddytats · 14/10/2006 17:06

No judgement here, what is right for one is wrong for another. Whatever you decide you are the one that lives with that decision. My thoughts are with you xxx

lulumama · 14/10/2006 17:09

good point about PND - but if it is PND, might not be ideal to have another baby as needs to concentrate on her own health and baby she has...when i had PND, my absolute worst nightmare would have been falling pg ,,,i would not have been able to keep it. even with DH and family around me as I would not have been able to cope...and you are the one who has to be pregnant and give birth and then nurture that baby...but i agree with mumandlovingit on talking to partner and family and getting PND diagnosed anywaty..

Spagblog · 14/10/2006 17:13

I would say you've made your decision, you just need moral support and people to tell you that you are doing the right thing.

I think you need to see the Dr, if you have pnd you may have difficulties bonding with your baby. You need to concentrate on you, and your son.

I hope you find some peace of mind soon.

MacabreMe23 · 14/10/2006 17:27

Hi koshka,
I'm sorry to here this.
You sound like you know what you want. Don't worry about what othe rpeople think They're not living your life.
I have been ina similar situation a few monthsago. I'm here if you want to chaT XX

wakeupandsmellthecoffee · 14/10/2006 17:45

Only you can decide what is the best option for you . best of luck on whatever you decide. FWIW looking from the outside in and given your circumstances with no emotional stuff on top I think you have made the right decision .

Original poster
KoshkaTheFIENDLYGhost · 14/10/2006 20:11

thanks for your messages...i know its the only decision for me.
i was having really awful nightmares and was given sleeping pills so god know what happened to this poor bub.

trying not to think of it till tuesday, there isnt anything i can do about it till then. had a three week wait for the good doctor as it is!

OP posts:
Original poster
KoshkaTheFIENDLYGhost · 14/10/2006 20:23

the appointment i was supposed to have on tuesday was about me having PND, but i was having dreams so she didnt want to give me some other pills..
urgh...does the guilt go away?

OP posts:
tribpot · 14/10/2006 20:25

Bloody hell, koshka. No advice, just lots of sympathy, and support in whatever decision you make.

Wallace · 14/10/2006 20:30

Oh koshka, poor you. Whatever you decide people here will support you. If you do have an abortion, you will get over it. And I think you are right that you need to concentrate on your wonderful little boy you already have xxxxxxx

Original poster
KoshkaTheFIENDLYGhost · 14/10/2006 20:32

its like one drama after another at the moment. just want to go back to my boring nonlife i had before.
well, no i dont but im not made to cope with stress

OP posts:
hauntymandy · 15/10/2006 06:39

Morning. Hopefully your GP will be able to give you some sound advice. Its difficult to talk to people close to you about such a thing.
Never been in this situation I cant offer advice,just warm wishes.
Whichever path you take will be difficult at first, but you will come through the other side.
much love xx

Original poster
KoshkaTheFIENDLYGhost · 16/10/2006 09:16

im just scared what the GP is going to say. i dont even know how pregnant i am, i cant remember when i had sex.

thanks for your messages.

OP posts:
tribpot · 17/10/2006 13:35

koshka - lots of people don't know how pregnant they are when they go to the GP, obviously you don't have to explain why you don't know.

All the best to you.

Wallace · 17/10/2006 19:56

How did you get on today koshka? xxxxx

Original poster
KoshkaTheFIENDLYGhost · 18/10/2006 19:21

Well, my mum knows now. she's not thst happy but i think she understands.

I have got to go to Leeds, to the marie stopes and make my own appt, as they cant get me into where i live.

it struck me now really hard now i told my mum.

OP posts:
Original poster
KoshkaTheFIENDLYGhost · 18/10/2006 19:23

Wallace - i dont want to post on the postnatal thread i dont want to upset anyone.
thanks for your messages wallace and tribpot

OP posts:
Wallace · 19/10/2006 09:08

Thinking about you koshka. You will get through all this xxxx

Mell2tingPotofGooooooo · 19/10/2006 09:31

Sending you lots of good wishes. Do go back to GP about PND. Hope you get lots of support from your family xxxxxxxx

usandbump · 20/10/2006 12:36

Koshka I'm sending you lots of big {{{{{hug}}}}}

Don't think about anyone else or worry about what people think just do what is best for you and your little boy. You have had so much to cope with recently my heart goes out to you.

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