How do I word this without my dh fobbing it off?

[Chloe55stakesinavampiresheart]

I am a bit concerned about the amount of alcohol my dh drinks. He is 29 and I am 25. Before we had ds (8mths) we would both go out once a week and have quite a few up town/in the pub - he would always end up incomprehensible by the end of the night. We would also share a bottle of wine every night.

Since I fell pg this has obviously stopped.....for me. DH and I will often have a bottle of wine - yet I will have 1/2 a glass and he will finish the rest. He has always been quite a big drinker so doesn't see any abnormality in the amount he drinks.

My main concern is the fact that if we go out/have friends round etc then I never get hammered because I know we have a baby to go home to (on the rare occassions we go partying) yet dh doesn't seem to think about this and will get so stupidly drunk, he always has to be the last to leave and seems to have no idea that he has had enough.

I'll give you an example of what it is like at the moment. I am porrly so went to bed early on Friday, dh was a bit upset (being the weekend and all!) so whilst I was in bed he drank a bottle of wine and 1/2 a bottle of gin - Then on Sat we had a friend's leaving party - I ended up getting a taxi home without him because he didn't want to stop drinking (it was 3am). On Sunday we cooked for his mum and dad - again he got sloshed and fell asleep at 7.30pm and yesterday he went out for a drink with said friend who is leaving, said he would be an hour and was out for 4 hours. He did ring me to tell me he would be late but even so. The last straw was when he tried to pee in our drawers in the night because he said he didn't want to wake me by using the bathroom When I told him this morning he accused me of making things up

I know he will fob all this off when I try to speak to him about it tonight saying that it is what all our friends are like (we do have a few friends who don't seem to have grown out of their university years) but I worry about him. I don't mind him having a few drinks but how do I get him to realise when he needs to stop?

He is fantastic with ds btw and doesn't get plastered around him.

Thanks for reading if you got this far!!

Can you word it by saying that you are concerned that if anything happens and you needed to go to hospital he would not be capable of driving you (or even accompanying you, it sounds like!), or if you left him at home he wouldn't be in a fit state to look after your ds.

TBH I think I would just bite the bullet and tell him how you feel.

HTH. Good luck.

TBH I don't really see how he can be fantastic with DS the morning after being so blotto. Or is it just me that find the kids a struggle the morning after a heavy night? Although my last heavy night was ....July and I stayed at a friends. Still felt rough that afternoon though. But your DH has had 4 mights like this in the last weekend which definitely does seem excessive - he can't be much help at night or in the early mornings.

I would definitely tell him that he is not being fair to you or your DS. He is leaving the responsibility to you.

The funny thing is Bozza he is a real morning person and never seems to suffer with a bloody hangover! If he did then maybe he might not drink as much as he does.

I sent him an email earlier telling him we had to talk tonight about the situation. And surprise, surprise he rang straight away to tell me I was over-reacting. When I explained that I didn't think I was for such and such a reason he almost laughed it off I can see tonight being hard work.

Yes sounds like it might be a bit of an uphilltask. He is very lucky isn't he? Since having kids I feel hungover after a night out even if I haven't been drinking! Just heavy food and a late night do it to me.

Well, good luck.

I have tried to have this conversation with my DH with not much success either. The last time was a couple of weeks ago, he went out after work for a "couple" drinks, and arrived home at 2.30am. The frightening thing was that he had no idea how he got home, and when i looked outside in the morning he had driven home. That really pushed me over the edge, the fact that he could have killed himself or any one else was too much. I had also read something in my local paper about a girl that drank a bottle of vodka at home one night with friends, and it killed her. Having a few drinks, a good night out and a bit if a fuzzy head is one thing, drinking yourself into an early grave is another. The only thing that seemed to hit home with DH is that i didn't want our DS growing up without his dad. My brother died 5 years ago, and the knock on the door from the the police will never leave me (his wasn't drinking related), i never want another knock on the door telling me that DH has killed himself. It does seem that drinking very large amounts has become quite normal with a lot of people, and without wanting to sound like a complete killjoy, it really will end up doing serious damage to your health. I am just hoping that my DH is going to make a serious effort to change his behaviour, but i am not holding my breath. All of his friends seem to do the same thing, so in effect he has to stop socialising with people he has known for years, in fact he is a light drinker compared to them.... sorry this has been no use to you has it? But i know exactly how you feel..

Sorry you are in the same boat Zachary. It's hard isn't it because, like you say, if those you socialise with also play the same game then how do you explain that it really isn't ok? Most of our friends are still childless so only have themselves to think about (not saying this is wrong, I was the same before I fell pg) but then your life changes, I just wish dh would appreciate how I feel about things. I really am scared that one day he will just drink too much and never come round or as you said, hurt someone else. I used to work in a disability home and a lady resident there drank a litre of vodka and now she can't function at all, she has a fedding tube and severe brain damage , that was all from a night out. Luckily dh would never drink and drive as he scorns any of our friends who do so I know his views on that but that doesn't stop him walking out into the middle of the road and getting hit or being mugged or something along those lines. It's worrying that he has no idea about the previous nights events - like your dh he often forgets how he got home.

Well, I will see how tonight goes and take it from there.

Chloe, you say he'd never drink and drive, but does he get up and go to work the day after one of his benders? If yes, he is undoubtedly drinking while under the influence still, if he is drinking the amounts you say he does.

Argh, posted too soon! I think you should print off this thread and show it to him.

Yes, you are completely right there Annie.

Good luck tonight with talking to him. I have been trying to find a link to something...recently on here I'm sure there was a post about it being actually illegal to be drunk whilst in charge of kids. Can't find the link though, will keep looking.

How did it go Chloe?

Hmmm, not sure if good or bad tbh. We sat down to watch a movie, the conversation went like this:

"Before we watch this movie we have to talk," I said.

He said, "We don't need to talk."

I said, "Why not, because you don't think it's an issue or because you are gonna do something about it?"

"Because I am going to do something about it, you are right."

And I left it at that. It didn't seem right to go into all my problems with his drinking etc as it seemed he had maybe thought about what I had said earlier yesterday. Fingers crossed and time will tell I guess.

Hope he really means it Chloe, my DH has been on best behaviour since our last incident 2 weeks ago, but i will be more relaxed when its been a year! Will be holding my breath for this weekend ... hope yours yours is less stressful too.

Well a bit of wait and see then I guess. Does sound as though he has been mulling it over though.