Divorce Costs?? - Who pays???

[Twinkie]

Please can you lovely ladies help me again!!

AM finally getting on with divorce - hoorah hoorah and thrice hoorah!! but the shit decided that he is only going to pay x amount towards the cost of the divorce - £250 measly quid to be exact!! - I can't accept this if things go badly and we end up wrangling in court for god knows how long it means I will be liable for loads of money!!

Anyway we spoke about it and he said he will tell his solicitor that he will pay half and has instructed her to send a letter out to my solicitor to this effect it was 3 weeks ago that he told them this and they still have not got round to it!! FFS!!! - They are crap but 3 weeks to write a letter is rideculous!! - in the meantime my solicitor is writing more letters chasing them and so costing me more money (which I really have not got at the moment!!)

Anyway other than my ranting what I want to ask is who is actually supposed to pay the costs - is it usually half and half or is it the person who is petitioned?? (I have petitioned him - although he did not have time to put that in the post before going on holiday!!) - I just want this all over and done with and him out of my life as much as possible!!

TUIA X

Twinkie. Hard one cos its such a bloody minefield. Firstly I would recommend that you sit down and think long and hard about what you need financially and what is fair, not what your solicitor says is fair but what you think.

Solicitors do this for money and speed is not there thing!

Once you know what you want then I recommend you write a letter to both your solicitor and estranged husband detailing exactly what you want.

Use your solicitor frugally, chasing letters are costly and time consuming. The judge will decide on who pays the costs depending on your financial situations! Sometimes its better and cheaper to move on with your life than wrangle in court.

Its a long drawn out affair with no immediate results. Be patient. Help is here, lots of it.

Thanks Kate - TBH I want half of everything - I have my daughter to think about and want to be able to at least put a lump sum into the property I share with DP at the moment so if things ever go pearshaped between us I still have some security!!

I have been told that I could get more than half but I don't think I am going to go down that route - as he keeps reminding me (whilst not paying child support BTW!!) he needs to be left with something.

I think just asking for half I am being quite nice - after all he has cost me and what he has put me through over the last 2 years I think most people would be glad to see him homeless - he actually threw me out with nothing so everything we accumulated over the marraige/relationship is his!!

If you have petitioned him, there is usually a bit in the petition stating that he is to pay the costs. It rather depends on why you are petitioning, e.g. if it's done on 2 years' separation with consent, it would be a bit unjust for one party to pay all the costs.

I would take issue with goodkate's assertion that solicitors will take their time in order to increase costs. They do not do this. They are able to charge a set amount per letter/phone call/etc. Not sending a letter for 3 weeks or doing it immediately will cost the same amount of money, although different amounts of heartache for the parties concerned.

Twinkie, don't be too generous with your money/assets at this stage. You need to provide for yourself and your daughter, whereas he only has to provide for himself, so your needs are greater than his. Be guided by what your solicitor advises - and, before anyone suggests it, their costs do not increase if they get more money for their client

This sounds terribly familiar. My ex didn't pay any maintenance for a year. When I went to the CSA he quit his very well paid job as a helicopter pilot out of sheer spite.

You say DP, is that your new partner or your ex.?Did you leave your estranged for another man. I'm not being judgemental, cos I did, so I know a little about it.

If you were married, it is not his, its shared.

What are the grounds for the petition? I'm being nosey cos I want to help. You can email me if you wish

Twinkie as you know I'm in the mist of this myself...unlike you me & my ex are still talking quite nicely about things.

When I 1st went to my solicitor he basically told me...because I was petioning him I have to pay the costs its just the way it goes - whoever petions pays -but part of the petition can be that you request the costs back. My ex & I have agreed to pay half each so when my petition was filed it had the normal jargon of: MRS X requests the marriage to be dissolved on the grounds of.... she also requests that the costs be repaid in full, requests a lump sum settlement for herself of: a lump sum settlement for the children X & X and a monthly maintence payment in respect of the children X & X.

its apparently standard wording. He (the repondant) then gets a sort of check list version to which he states AGREES or DISAGREES.
As me & my ex have agreed to pay half the costs he ticked the AGREED bit but wrote next to it 'half only not in full'
he obviously put NOT AGREED to lump sums as i too am only wanting my share of the property & regular maintence not lump sums. but the wording had to be included apparently.

As I have get 'billed' by the solicitor periodically, I pay the cost then my ex gives me half ( I find it easier him paying out as I do rather than leaving it to the end, just my extra way of being safe about it...hopefully you x2b might be persuded to do the same...but i remember things you've said about him before...its just a suggestion...it eases the stress & says both of you getting hefty bill at the end?)