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Original poster

another christmas q - how to you approach pressies for people with more/less money than you?

16 replies

hatwoman · 05/10/2006 19:53

if you're better off than your siblings/parents/in-laws do you spend what you like on them and their kids because you can and you want to be generous or do you spend about what you think they will because to do otherwise would be embarrassing? not a big issue but one I have pondered.

OP posts:

shhhh · 05/10/2006 20:04

DH & I are comfortable with money and tbh do earn more than our friends and family. All family have a limit of £x per gift and friends have a smaller limit.

We don't go ott with what we spend but spend what we feel is reasonable. I don't think "oh they spent more or less on me"...

Sometimes though dh is over generous with his "plans" for gifts and it's left to me to bring him back down to earth. I don't want us to be taken advantage of iykwim..HTH.

eidsvold · 05/10/2006 20:06

usually get them something they like/need but still have a budget in our head and that is it. NO grand plans - not sure how much dbs and sils make.

pointydog · 05/10/2006 20:51

I spend the same amount on every family member - £10-20. My sil has more money and I've noticed she seems to spend more on our presents. But that's up to her. Don't think there's any embarrassment in it unless someone's purposefully trying to embarrass someone else.

How couldpeople take advantage of yoiu shh? Have they asked you for particular presents?

colditz · 05/10/2006 20:54

I spend a perticular amount every year on every person. After 10 years, they probabl have a fair idea of how much I am going to spend, how much they spend is up to them. My adorable lil sis always spends more than she can afford, and my dickhead bro never gets anyone a present.

colditz · 05/10/2006 20:55

particular, particular! sorrry, very tired

shhhh · 05/10/2006 21:03

pointydog, "taking advantage of" maybe doesn't relate as such to presents but a "friend" of mine while on a night out sat back and missed out several of her rounds..her comments were "oh you can afford to buy more than me as your dh is loaded ."
What she didn;t realise is that we had bills and a mortgage to pay and all she had was board to her parents...BTW she was on the same wage as me but obviously didn't have the same outgoings..

I was too shocked to say anything at the time but I found out the true side of her. We still see each other now and then but I am very wary....She's also the one who pretends she's too drunk in taxi's so she doesn't have to pay or says I have your birthday pressie..I will bring it next time I see you...then conviently forgets. Thats what I mean by taking advantage of....Someone who knows you earn more and expects more..

joelallie · 06/10/2006 08:06

I set a budget for everyone and stick to it. Can't afford to be terribly generous TBH. Most gifts apart from immediate family and good friends are token gifts only - but nice ones I hope. I don't know DH's neices well enough to do anything else. Even my kids pressies are subject to a budget so not going to spend loads on anyone else - no matter how wealthy they are.

hockeymum · 06/10/2006 09:33

I have a set budget for BIL/SIL parents PILs etc. My BIL/SIL have the same budget as us so that's easy enough. My sister though is absolutely minted! I earn minimum wage part time whereas she is in the mid 6 figures and single. She is VERY generous and spends a bomb on me, dh and my children. I obviously can't afford to do that but I do spend a bit more on her then on my husbands family, or I'd feel like a real cheapskate when she is so generous. But, it does hit me in the pocket when I blow her budget. This year I'm going to supplement her present with a few home made things for her new house so I don't feel too cheap.

AnguaVonUberwald · 06/10/2006 09:37

There was a time when I was earning lots more than anyone else in my family. I wanted to be generous and spend lots of money on everyone but it was made clear to me that this would be embarassing for all. I therefore spend on my siblings what they can afford to spend, but blow the budget a bit more on my parents.

jessicaandrebeccasmummy · 06/10/2006 09:40

I only spend between £10 and £20 per family member too.

my brother has cost me £6 this year - a DVDhe wants that i managed to get on amazon a hell of a lot cheaper than anywhere else.

My sil wants a DVD that has cost me £12

My dad a DVD £14

its what they want and it doesnt cost the earth.

I cant afford to go silly. I will send my nieces £10 each for their mum to buy them something.

jessicaandrebeccasmummy · 06/10/2006 09:41

I only spend between £10 and £20 per family member too.

my brother has cost me £6 this year - a DVDhe wants that i managed to get on amazon a hell of a lot cheaper than anywhere else.

My sil wants a DVD that has cost me £12

My dad a DVD £14

its what they want and it doesnt cost the earth.

I cant afford to go silly. I will send my nieces £10 each for their mum to buy them something.

Gobbledispook · 06/10/2006 09:49

I just spend what I want to spend regardless.

Anyway, SIL/BIL don't earn anywhere near what we do but they always spend more on presents - it's just the way they are.

I just don't go daft on gifts - in fact we are the ones that have said we should only buy for the children now. They would buy for adults too but we don't so they follow suit.

This year we are doing Xmas dinner adn I will only be buying table presents for the adults. The children will get a pile as usual! I'll buy for my neices but that's it.

Gobbledispook · 06/10/2006 09:53

Oh, I know what SIL/BIL earn as they told me last week . They have no idea of our income I don't think, they know it's more than theirs but we haven't told them.

To me, gifts are about 'here you are, I've bought you a little something that I thought you would really like to celebrate Christmas' rather than 'I've spent all this money on you cos I'm minted' or 'Sorry it's crap but I'm skint'. The money is really irrelevant to me.

LucyJones · 06/10/2006 10:00

I'm the youngest of four and buying for my siblings, their partners and their children was getting a bit much so we decided to just buy for the kids. We decided on £10 per child so we know where we're at. With 3 for 2 offers in Boots etc it makes it a bit cheaper.

lizziemun · 06/10/2006 20:50

We (i do just tell dh what i've got) do £10 to £20 per person, although we just buy for the children and not parents. This is something that we have always done as we have quite a large family. I don't think wether your have more of less money matters. it should be more important to get something that you know they like or need.

ParanoidAndroid · 06/10/2006 21:06

Last year we just gave each family or couple an Oxfam Unwrapped gift - if I remember correctly, it was something like a £15 donation towards chickens for a family in Africa or something like that. My parents agreed with us that our children (ie their grandchildren) could choose something from the same catalogue for up to £15 each (DS chose a mosquito net and DD a school pack for example) and they each got a tiny present (no more than £3 worth) actually on the day.

We weren't particularly strapped for cash that year (we are this year though ) but just were fed up with the vast amount of toys and general stuff that gets carted around from one family to another. There's not a vast amount that makes a big difference to our lives - most of it we could live without.

I'm aware that this makes me sound incredibly smug, and I don't mean to be. It's just an idea so that everybody gets/gives the same regardless of wealth. And somebody does get something which makes a huge difference to their lives - just that it's not us.

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