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Is DH being weird or am I being weird? (sorry - LONG)

25 replies

lazymummy · 05/10/2006 16:42

DH is really angry with me because I am going out on Saturday afternoon/evening without him. He?s been giving me grief about it for days now and it?s beginning to wear me down. He?s not happy because the event I am going to is a wedding to which he has not been invited and he, backed up by his bloody mother, thinks it is really weird of me to want to go without him.

It is the wedding of a work colleague who I don?t know particularly well, we don?t socialise out of work and she has never met DH. She invited me and another colleague on the same invitation. I do kind of understand why she didn?t invite our partners, it?s her big day, it?s an expensive do and she wants to spend her money on her nearest and dearest rather than people she doesn?t know. I accepted the invitation because I thought it was a kind gesture on her part to ask me, because I like her and because my other colleague wanted to go but not on her own ? we won?t know anyone else at the wedding other than the bride, the groom and each other. I also thought that dh wouldn?t mind me having a night out for once.

I very, very rarely go out at all. To be fair neither does dh. We moved up North from London 2 years ago and we don?t really have much of a social life up here as yet. However, he goes back to London on occasion to stay with friends for the weekend usually if there is a gig on or something and last year he went to Morocco for 3 nights to celebrate a friend?s birthday. I am totally supportive of him going off and doing things on his own but he just can?t seem to extend that same courtesy to me.

He is never horribly possessive although there is a hint of possessiveness in him. It hasn?t reared its ugly head for a long time. The last time was when we first met 7 years ago and I had to go to two evening events that I had organised for clients as part of my job. He could not attend, nobody?s partners could and he made me feel like shit about it. In his eyes I was trying to hurt him and had some hidden agenda or was planning to cheat on him or something. I have no idea. He just wasn?t being rational and quite frankly that?s how he?s behaving now about this wedding. I am feeling so weakened by him that I am beginning to think that I am wrong for accepting the invitation. I am also now no longer looking forward to going because I know I will sit there throughout feeling guilty.

Am I doing the wrong thing? Should I have said no to this wedding invitation? Sorry this is so long and rambly but I am just so confused. It should be so simple, all I want to do is go out for the night.

OP posts:
TwigTwoolett · 05/10/2006 16:43

no he's acting like a spoilt brat .. ignore him

anniediv · 05/10/2006 16:44

And his mum should butt out too.

WigWamBam · 05/10/2006 16:45

Of course you shouldn't have said no. He's being a bit of a prat, and hoping that if he sulks enough you'll stay at home with him instead. You're not wrong to be going, and you have nothing to feel guilty about.

Alibaldi · 05/10/2006 16:46

Second TwigTwoolett, go and have a great time. He's being completely selfish and I bet if it were him going out for the day it would be a completely different issue wouldn't it you wouldn't be making a fuss. We Mum's rarely get any time to ourselves. Have a wonderful time and don't think about him once

Gobbledispook · 05/10/2006 16:48

How odd of your dh - my dh would say 'great, go and have a fab time' (no sarcasm there either!).

It would just be a non-issue in our house.

Tell your dh to get a life.

merrily · 05/10/2006 16:50

There's nothing wrong with you wanting to go to this wedding. He is being ridiculous. Ignore him, go and have a fabulous time.

lulunaticmama · 05/10/2006 16:51

so ,he can got to morrocco or to stay with friends? but you can't go to a colleagues wedding.....okaaaay.....and you say he's not horribly possesive!

go, have a wonderful time and next time he wants to go somewhere without you, gently remind him of this little episode.......

and why is he running to his mum for back up?

Iklboo · 05/10/2006 16:52

Buy him a colouring book and a lucky bag for when you're out.
What a bloody baby!

And get his mum some Pledge for her broomstick

lazymummy · 05/10/2006 16:53

What a relief your responses are. This whole thing has been getting totally out of hand. I have lost all sense of perspective. His mum was round at our place last night pulling faces at the thought of someone inviting a married woman to a wedding on her own. I think that got DH all wound up again. Pair of arses.

OP posts:
littleducks · 05/10/2006 16:53

agree with all other replies

anniediv · 05/10/2006 16:54

It's a wedding reception, not an orgy, what does she think you'll get up to?

QueenEvil · 05/10/2006 16:57

Why do some men do this - tbh I think my dh would be the same to start with then he would come to his senses and be a bit more grown up about something like this.

You should go, not feel guilty at all, and have a bloody great time!

lazymummy · 05/10/2006 17:01

I think the bottom line is that dh doesn't like being on his own. He won't even sit downstairs on his own if I go to bed early and he won't even go to bed on his own if he's tired but I want to stay up! God, he sounds like a nutjob. He's not really. His mum on the other hand is bonkers.

OP posts:
lulunaticmama · 05/10/2006 17:03

LOL at anniediv.....

marymillington · 05/10/2006 17:04

Tell him to ask his mum round to keep him company if he doesn't like being on his own.

DracsTroubleAndStrife · 05/10/2006 17:05

Go have fun dont worry about dh he wants you to feel guiltey so you stay home.

QueenEvil · 05/10/2006 17:07

He's probably a teensy bit jealous ya know. My dh admitted he was because I have a hobby and do lots of sporty stuff - he would like to but for various reasons, doesn't. So he transfers his apathy into jealousy when i do the things he would like to. Does that make sense?

foulmoonfiend · 05/10/2006 17:07

This is the sort of thing I hear abut all the time. Don't like generalising but why do blokes do this?
I went to a music festival without dh (because the kids' tickets sold out very early) 18 months ago and it is still brought up every time he wants a night out (which I'm fine about anyway, so not neccessary to do that ''after all, you went away for 3 whole days without me...) stuff.

Lazymummy, it seems like a perfectably reasonable thing to me, of course you should have accepted the invite. Tell him to grow up, get over it and stop making you feel crappy about one little night out.

suejoneziscalmernow · 05/10/2006 17:18

Sorry but lol at your MIL "pulling faces at the thought of someone inviting a married woman to a wedding on her own". What century does she think this is?! We'll be wanting the vote next

LadyDooM · 05/10/2006 17:31

You go and have fun, and he will just have to accept he does not control or own you. And his mother? Well your not married to her! so she needs to back off and let you 2 sort it out alone. When In-Laws and other family start getting involved, everything just goes straight to hell... trust me on that. And please tell me you didn't marry a momma's boy....

joelallie · 05/10/2006 17:40

He's being weird. You aren't.

wartywarthog · 05/10/2006 19:00

you MUST go as a matter of principle. he's being an idiot.

upandaway · 05/10/2006 19:47

Hmmm I have one of those too. No- you stick to your guns and go. You deserve it I am sure.
Just make sure that you do have a damn fine time when you go !!

redshoes · 05/10/2006 20:49

What, married women shouldn't go out alone? Hilarious! Have you reminded him about Morocco?

Xales · 05/10/2006 21:19

A lot of people think that other people have the same morals/values that they do. So for example if a man goes away and cheats he thinks that his partner will do the same. Or a liar expects everyone else to be lying as well.

I am not saying in any way that your DH has cheated but..........

I would be asking him why he thought that you would do this is that really his opinon of your character/moral fibre. Or is it because he thinks he would?

Either way he needs to accept that you are a person in your own right and that just because you love him doesn't mean you have to spend 100% of your spare time with him.

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