Maternity Nurse - experiences and advice please

[Nimme]

I am 6 weeks pg with no 2. Had a fairly rough time with DD1 when baby and would like a better experience/beginning this time. Has anyone had a maternity nurse or other prof. help? Was it full time and for how long??

Nimme - First of all CONGRATULATIONS! Secondly - What about a Doula? One of the Mumsnetters is a Doula (is it Pupuce??). They usually cost about £12 per hour and can come around and help before, during and after the birth. I would love one, but can't afford it.

Princesspeahead had a Maternity Nurse after her 3rd just recently so she'll be able to let you know all the details.

Sorry I can't be more help..... Good luck with a smooth pregnancy, I'm 24 wks at the mo.

I don't have personal experience of this but a senior director I know well had a night nurse ( will bottle feed during night or bring baby to mother in bed) for his first for 6 weeks and thought it so fantastic that for their second the night nurse is staying with them until the baby sleeps through. He and his wife can't rave about them enough, however he is in a poisition to aford this.

Another senior director had a wet nurse (i.e breast feeds child at night), this I thought a bit bizarre, but each to their own!

Hope someone else has first hand experience

I would prefer a doula, who looks after you and the other child, who will help with shopping and housework as well as help with the baby. Maternity nurses only look after the baby, so in theory you could end up running around after them, making cups of tea and tidying up while she cuddles your baby! On the other hand, doulas don't do the overnight stuff that maternity nurses do. My friend had a doula and just raves and raves about it.

Thanks M2T, pollingfold and aloha.

I have heard of doulas and am wondering whether they might not be better bet. Mat. nurse is very expensive and I would like help for more than a couple of weeks. M2T - who is princesspeahead - can't believe I just typed that name..!?

Any first hand experiences out there??

Princesspeahead is another Mumsnetter..... I'm sure she'll probably do a search on her name and find this thread..... you'll see her around the boards.

Doulas can stay to help for the 1st 4 months (I think). But they are expensive too at £12 per hour or more. I worked it out for 3 hrs a day, 5 days a week.... that was about £750 per month! But well worth it if you can afford it.

Try doula.org.uk to find a doula in your area with no agency fee. I think fees vary - though my friend paid £10 a hour. I also recommend a cleaner - very helpful for sanity preserving when all seems chaotic.

Congratulations on your pregnancy.
I have a toddler and a 6 week old baby and have been using a night nanny a couple of nights a week for the past 3 weeks and I have found it to be an absolute life saver. I really struggled with sleep deprivation first time round so having the night nanny has really helped me. She arrives at about 9pm and goes straight up to bed, sleeps in the room with the baby and either feeds him bottles or brings him to me for his feeds. She then does all the nappy changing, winding and settling down to sleep. She writes a diary of what happened at what time during the night and then leaves at 7am. I found her through an agency called Night Nannies. I'm planning on using her until DS can go from 11pm to 6am without waking or until we run out of money!

M2T and Aloha - thanks again. As soon as I drag myself away from here (it's b.... addictive) I'll go to doula.org.uk. Got the cleaner already cos I'm a lazy spoiled brat.

Fay - how much do you pay the night nurse? How did you find one you liked?

I used a maternity nurse after both births. I had no family to help & dh works long hours & was unable to contribute much. I have mixed feelings about them, and maybe next time aroundif there is a next timeI'd hire a doula, or just get a nanny for the older kids and handle the baby on my own. Maternity nurses are v. expensive and you have to be so careful about who you hire. You can find brilliant, professional ones, or complete nuisances who make your life a misery because they want to be taken to the supermarket every 2 seconds because nothing you have around the house to eat is quite good enough for them (though you have a large assortement of meat, vegetables, grains and snacks in the house already), or they're complaining that their pillows aren't quite comfy enough, even though they have the same pillows you have. As Aloha said, you can feel like you're looking after their needs, more them their looking after yours. I definitely needed some help with the babiesI have a mild heart condition that worsens with fatiguebut haven't yet figured out the perfect scenario. For me, a maternity nurse is not it. But for others--they're fab. You'll need more opinions, I think. I think what you're hearing from us so far is one-sided, when I know for a fact that lots of people LOVE maternity nurses.

No personal experience of this, but I know people who have been VERY happy with their maternity nurse.

Depends whether you want help with the new baby, or whether you would prefer someone to take care of the rest of the household while you lie on the sofa gazing adoringly at your newborn. For myself I would prefer the latter, but others want to be able to spend time with their older child without being tied to the house.

I have a feeling that a maternity nurse might possibly militate against successful or at least exclusive breastfeeding, since part of the point of having someone to look after the newborn is not being on call yourself the whole time, which is incompatible with b/feeding, really. On the other hand, there may be mat. nurses who feel very strongly about supporting b/feeding.

From what I gather, it's horses for courses, but start asking around, interviewing and booking early, if you do go down the mat. nurse route -- good ones go fast, I believe.

I used a doula and a nanny after the birth of ds2 by c/s. I knew I needed help as I wouldn't be able to pick up ds1.

As it happens the nanny was very flexible and happy to tackle the family ironing, as well as looking after either the baby or toddler as I needed. The doula would come in and immediately empty the dishwasher, put on laundry, and prepare our meals - she would also look after toddler or baby! More usefully she could pop out to shops etc.

The nanny cost £8 p.h. whilst the doula cost £15 p.h. I used a combination of the 2 to keep the costs down, so had the doula twice a week and the nanny for the remaining days. I had their help until ds2 was 8 weeks old, by which time I felt confident in my ability to cope with 2!

hellooo nimme. congratulations on the pregnancy!
I've had three children - first baby no maternity nurse, but had a night nurse intermittently from about 2wks to 6 wks just to help me get through a colicky patch, she was just what I needed then. With No 2, had a young (28) english maternity nurse - originally a NNEB nanny who had done about 3 yrs maternity nursing when I had her. She was great, v supportive, very nice to have around, really good with my elder daughter as well so helped that transition, an extra pair of hands really. She really mucked in with everything. For example, that baby needed to be in hospital quite a bit in the first 2 weeks after birth (congenital disorder) and needed someone to be up, awake, beside him in his cot 24 hours a day. She came into hospital and stayed up all night with him so I could snatch a few hours sleep on the campbed between feeds. Really great.
WIth no 3 (7 months ago) I had a different type of maternity nurse - aged 58, nursed for god knows how many years, a really energetic, amusing, experienced person. She was FANTASTIC. Huge help with the baby, wonderful with the other two, excellent with the other staff (I know, I know, I'm very lucky, but it was important she didn't put anyone elses nose out of joint). Cleaned the house from top to bottom, ironed everything in the laundry room at 3am while I fed, ordered me to bed when necessary, and left me with a fridge FULL of pureed apple from the tree in our garden which the baby then started munching 6 months later! She was a joy. Couldn't recommend her highly enough.
So I think... go for it if you can. They are very good at dealing with the boring bits of babyhood (endless jiggling after feeds, changing pooey nappies at 4am just after you've fed them, ensuring there are enough clean muslins around) which frees you up a bit to spend time with the older ones which I think is very important. Also if you know someone is listening out for the baby it is easier to go to sleep, even if you are feeding and therefore waking when they do - it is easier to sleep if someone elses ear is pricked, not yours.
But you NEED to get the right one - there are some old horrors around as someone said - interview, interview interview, and also pick up ALL references and question closely about how they were, what they thought etc and make sure that that tallies with how you envisage yourself using a maternity nurse. Some people really like the bossy old school nurses that I'd kill, so a good reference about one of them would be no good for me. But the kind that just muck in with everyone, and look after you etc are worth their enormous salaries. They work 24 hour days, 6 days a week - if you are getting one I'd go for 6 weeks if you can afford it.
If you want to know any more, or recommendations of agencies etc, do contact me.

Thank you all for info - am getting a better picture now.

I think I am leaning toward a doula as I like the idea of them being there at birth as well - fancy a better experience and not so much of a shock this time.... Also not sure I could cope with someone living in my house

• unless they are the perfect person I'd worry about them being ok too.

However I am still trying to decide whether I am of the old school brigade or the touchy feely type - I think I am in the middle.

I want to get it right as it's a lot of money whichever option I choose.

Perhaps a doula and a night nurse for a while?? Or is that stupid and should I just go for the mat nurse then???

Princesspeahead - will e-mail you as I would love more info re agencies etc - are you in London?

If there are any more experiences out there please tell all.

have emailed you nimme!

You can always contact me off mumsnet as I know many doulas in your area and have recommended quite a few to mumsnetters too
www.nurturingbirth.co.uk

Doulas in London are already taking bookings for Oct/Nov.... so you are right to look into this matter now.... the best one are fully booked VERY early on! And there is a shortage of doulas in London.