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Original poster

Is unpunctuality rude?

34 replies

joelallie · 02/10/2006 12:48

Or am I just being really anal and boring? I get so cross when people turn up late - not the ones who are usually on time and sometimes get held up for ten minutes or so, but the ones who say they'll be here at 5 and turn up habitually an hour or more late. To me it says 'my life is so busy and important and yours isn't so it doesn't matter if you hang about for hours twiddling your thumbs with your kids starting to howl for the food you've been cooking all afternoon but which is supposed to be shared with your guests.'

DH thinks it's just charmingly eccentric behaviour which we just have to put up with. I think it's rude.

What is the MN consensus?

OP posts:
frogs · 02/10/2006 12:50

Oh yes, hate it, hate it, hate it!

Having said that, I have some very dear friends who are habitually and invariably late, so I just try to arrange myself accordingly. Actually I hate that I get quite so anal about lateness. But not as much as I hate lateness itself. [puzzled emoticon]

eidsvold · 02/10/2006 12:52

beyond rude - arrogant also - the premise that you need to wait for them... again not those who are sometimes held up by things but the habitual late arrivers - very very rude.

charliebat · 02/10/2006 12:53

I think its rude, for the same reasons you give.

Marina · 02/10/2006 12:54

Yes, The message I get from it is "Your time is not important enough for me to not keep you waiting". On some level the late person is telling they don't care. I hate it too. Ringing to explain a delay, as you say, fine though.
MIL has always been late for everything and never taught her children any different. Dh has had it bashed in by me but SIL is still terrible. I think it is incredibly rude.

HumphreyPETERCUSHINGCushion · 02/10/2006 12:55

Yes!

I find it really annoying and rude.

Hate it when I'm kept waiting for appointments, when theatre performances start late, when DH says he'll be home and he isn't.

My best friend is always late and plays her "I'm so ditsy" card.

DH thinks it's funny; I want to smack her in the face! She is child-free and lives alone - so WHY is she always late?

I get really stressed if I'm running late.

Blimey - I didn't realise it was such a big deal to me.

A bit worried now!

chipkid · 02/10/2006 12:57

absolutely hate it. Will not tolerate it. It is so disrespectful.
Then I had a dad who hated anybody being late (including me when he came to collect me from the school disco!) so guess I have inherited it.

foxtrottingtotransylvania · 02/10/2006 12:58

Rude rude rude, usually inexcusable and often a PIA especially when kids/food are involved.

WishICouldGiveUpWork · 02/10/2006 12:59

Absolutey hate it and yes it is bloody rude.

Almost as rude is arriving early...had nanny interview scheduled in to dovetail nicely with grocery shop,dd's lunch etc and she turned up 25 mins early,no word of an apology and marched in.
We were of course midway through unpacking shop,dd screaming for lunch and it was a mare.

Tinker · 02/10/2006 13:02

Yes, it's very passive aggressive behaviour.

Original poster
joelallie · 02/10/2006 13:02

chipkid - I think I got it from my dad. He used to nearly kill us driving so fast if there was any chance of being late anywhere.

cushion - that's what prompted me to write this - the strength of my reaction to saturday night. Arranged for them to arrive early so their kids could play with our kids and we could feed them first sitting (not room for us all round our table at same time). Had MADE pizza for the kids so was feeling very righteous. DH texted them at 6 and we got a reply that they were running a bit late but were on their way. I beleived them and out the pizzas in the oven only for them to turn up 40 minutes later.....

OP posts:
Tinker · 02/10/2006 13:03

Aargh, hate the "I'm so ditsy" card

MrsFish · 02/10/2006 13:03

I hate it too.

My father was a stickler for punctuality, so I am too. It annoys me that people can not organise themselves enough to be able to arrive at a pre determined time, I can do it with a toddler, so why can't anyone else

and chill

chipkid · 02/10/2006 13:04

lol joelallie
my dad used to take corners on two wheels to get places on time-I am still traumatised!

sandyballs · 02/10/2006 13:05

Yes it is rude, but acceptable under certain conditions.

I remember going to visit DH's auntie with our newborn twins and arriving 20 minutes late (which was a miracle, everywhere else had been hours late at the time) and she sat in stoney silence, really peeved with us

edam · 02/10/2006 13:05

I think turning up an hour late to see friends, especially if they are cooking for you, is VERY rude unless you have a really good excuse and phone ahead to explain.

If they are doing it regularly, that's bad. I'm an habitually late person but I wouldn't turn up an hour late unless there was a real problem and I certainly wouldn't do it regularly to the same person.

Generally, being an unpunctual person is more to do with incompetence than being deliberately rude, honest. We don't think 'oh, my time is more important than theirs'. We do try but somehow get distracted/foiled/fail to allow enough time despite the fact we should know better. But repeadedly turning up an hour late for visits to the same person is just rude. I'd be making a special effort to leave the house early if I'd been late before.

TheBlonde · 02/10/2006 13:12

It's rude

My DH & his family are always late. It makes me very cross

themoon666 · 02/10/2006 13:13

I think it is incredible rude to be late. I refuse to wait for people who can't be arsed to turn up at the pre-arranged time anymore. Now I'm over the age of 40, I don't have time to hang about!

If people are coming over the eat, I tell them 'dinner will be on the table at X time, so turn up half an hour before that for drinks'.

They soon get the message when they turn up and everyone is wiping their chins and about to start coffee.

batters · 02/10/2006 13:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

themoon666 · 02/10/2006 13:16

On the other hand, I invited MiL over for dinner the other week and she turned up 2 hours early, so had to sit and watch me doing housework. In the end I plonked the ironing board in front of her and said 'seeing as you are so early you can either prepare the veg or do the ironing, take your pick'.

aDAdOnMumsnet · 02/10/2006 13:16

It's rude. Being early is just as rude as being late too.

foundintranslation · 02/10/2006 13:16

Yes it is rude. And I am guilty of it myself now and again. I always apologise profusely.

HuwEdwards · 02/10/2006 13:17

It depends on the attitude surely, of the person who is late.

I hate being late, but you know, sometimes shit happens and it's unavoidable.

If the late person is genuinely apologetic and doesn't make a habit of it, then fine.

hulababy · 02/10/2006 13:20

I think, if there isn't a proper, good reason and without some prewarning (most people ave mobiles let's face it) then it is really rude. Gives the wrong message to me. Hate it.

harpsichordcarrier · 02/10/2006 13:21

Agree with Edam. I am pretty habitually late but with immense effort I have managed to turn myself into a Just In Time person.
being very early is also a total PITA though. my inlaws are habitually an hour (or even two) early. they once turned up for lunch on Boxing Day at 9.30am.... and we invited them to join us for the weekend when we were on holiday and they aarrived at 9am on Thursday morning

foundintranslation · 02/10/2006 13:22

ah but I don't have a mobile. partly because I'm stingy, partly because I'm a mobile refusenik.

I am not habitually late, but incompetent (as edam fittingly put it further down) a bit more often than is to my liking. I'm always mortified.