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Original poster

Brother on drugs, Help!!

18 replies

lilymolly · 02/10/2006 11:50

Please help.

My brother is 27 lives at home with mam and dad. I found out last year via an aunt that he has/had a serious cocaine problem and had stolen £300 from the house and my mam and dads shop to fund his habit, and eventually my mam and dad had to pay £3000 to pay off his debt to dealers. I was furious with him, but could say nothing as aunt swore me to secrecy.
I have just had phone call from dad this morning asking me to go to their home tonight to help them with my brother, apparantly he is back on durgs. He had phoned the police on Saturady night to report a burglery in the house as he was seeing people, my mam and dad where awoken to the poice banging on the door to investigate this allleged burglery, which of course was non existant and was obviously my brother having dillusions/hallucinations.
Having my dad crying to me on the phone was awful, and I am so angry with my brother. They are just about to retire, and can do without all this. My brother has a job working away every 2 weeeks on ships in Dover, so can hold down a job, but this means he has money to buy the crap with.
Does anyone have any advice before I go to see them tonight, or has this happened to anyone else?
Please I just want to know there is light at the end of the tunnel

OP posts:

moloko · 02/10/2006 12:07

My brother took a shot of heroin once long time ago thank to god or luck he did not like it but two of his best friends died 3 years ago. I know its very different drug but in my opinion addiction is the same. All i can say is try to convince him to get help. Freinds and family unlikly to help they can support but help should be from someone professional. good luck

CreepyCrawlyCarmenere · 02/10/2006 12:09

Doesn't sound like coke to me tbh. Not sure what to advise though.Sorry someone else will be able to.

dinosaur · 02/10/2006 12:11

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Original poster

lilymolly · 02/10/2006 12:18

DP thinks that ecstacy causes hallucinations,but not cocaine?? Have rang Frank! and they have given me some local centres who have been helpful, but I am dreading going to parents tonight......

OP posts:

curlysmum · 02/10/2006 12:23

I had a friend who was in a similar situation he was about 32 and started on coke after he split with his girlfriend and got himself into such a state , he lived with his mum who did everything to try and talk him round make him eat etc, he just went completely down hill.
His mum and older brother tried everything short of locking him in the room to make him stop then he got onto harder drugs , it was very hard to see him in such a state, he was bloated and looked like a different person , but there is little you can do for someone they have to want to get help for themselves , sorry to say he died of a heart atttack at home a few months ago and his mum is of course devastated and wonders what she could have done but really there was nothing as he was a grown man and you just can't force someone to get help unless they want to . We thought afterwards that maybe if he had been forced out of the house by her it may have shook him into getting help if he had no where to live which is obviously easier said than done but while he was living at home he was able to save more money to buy drugs.
It was so sad and such a complete waste of a life, it is very hard for the family's , we have tried to seach for support for his mother but there is not alot out there it seems.

Callisto · 02/10/2006 12:25

It depends whether he has been mixing it with alcohol or cannabis but cocaine alone (decent stuff) shouldn't cause hallucinations. It could have been cut with something nasty though. I think that unless your brother admits he has a problem and gets help your parents need to give him an ultimatum on moving out. Harsh, I know but it can get so much worse than phoning the cops because he is seeing things.

Original poster

lilymolly · 02/10/2006 12:27

sometimes I think it would be better for all if he disappeared but then I think better of it. I say kick him out but will he end up on the streets mugging people and stealing? probably yes he will. I just hope you wants some help and will go for it.

OP posts:

Callisto · 02/10/2006 12:31

Well, he is holding down a job so he isn't that bad. Also at 27 he should have his own place. I think that you need to sit him down and tell him a few truths about his life ie how drugs will destroy him, how he can stop now and that you will help him, that if he doesn't get help you will try and get your parents to kick him out. Pussy footing around drug addicts doesn't work in my experience. It is hard and I do feel for you though.

Callisto · 02/10/2006 12:34

For more info try here: link it may also help if you can describe exactly the damage he is doing to himself as well as the emotional toll this will take on his family. But be prepared for the fact that addicts are very selfish people.

Original poster

lilymolly · 02/10/2006 15:39

bump.....

OP posts:

noddyholder · 02/10/2006 15:47

My brother was a heroin addict for years amd IME no matter what you do an addict will continue what they are doing until they themselves decide to do something about it.We rang every helpline and visited endless rehabs etc but he never took any real notice He just decided on his own to do it after we had been through years of hell I would suggest your parents ask him to leave so that he has to really face himself and doesn't have the crutch of their home
Offer help if he asks for it and be supportive if he looks like he is serious about stopping but until then you really do need to take a back seat and let him get on wioth it

Original poster

lilymolly · 04/10/2006 19:43

Thanks for advice girls, we had a chat with him on monday and he says he is going to get help when he returns from work in 2 weeks time (away on ships) he claims it is only cocaine and he spend £2oo per week on the stuff, but can stay off it whilst he is at work on ship,
My mam and dad are so upset, as they are about to retire and want to spend some time away in Yorkshire at their cottage, but do not dare to leave him alone in the house .
I really dont know what to tell them to do, we have suggested taking all his wages, not letting him have use of the car, and literally taking him to the counseller and sitting outside so we know he is at least going to see them. All the trust has gone you see, but is treating him like a child the way to go?? Help....

OP posts:

noddyholder · 05/10/2006 08:48

You don't need to police him because then he will be doing it for you not himself and it won't last He needs to decide for himself to get help and stop There is no easy way you have to be hard ime

mysonsmummy · 05/10/2006 14:00

hi lily - let me have any e-mail address for you and we will talk off the board. maryx

nolastar · 05/10/2006 14:23

Is he doing this when he's out with friends? Could you talk to them at all to see what they make of it all?..perhaps they don't realise the state he is getting in at the end of the night when he is on his own and how serious it is..

Original poster

lilymolly · 05/10/2006 16:59

hey, email is [email protected]

He is not taking it with friend, he has none, he is taking it in his room on a night by himself, which to be honest is more sad imo.
He has no friends really, everyone is arsehole, according to him anyway! he is obviousley depressed (is in family, I have it and mam has it) but he will not take happy tablets, but will snort cocaine

OP posts:

hermykne · 05/10/2006 17:16

dont let your mom and dad mollycolly him he needs hard facts and some of the cushioning you and they give him is helping him NOT to catch on, so slowly withdraw the help/support and less secretiveness he can hide behind that too.
a little bit if humility might help him to.
and get him to the counselling/ helpline service asap.

curlysmum · 05/10/2006 17:51

My ex partners friends all took this and it started off as a very social drug thing and slowly as it crept up on them they all become very withdrawn, depressed and irritable. Most of them that had girlfriend or wife's ended up splitting up with them.
Its become so easy to get hold of these days but has such terrible side effects, my ex boss used to take it as well and used to dissapear through out the day and then sometimes would just bugger off home, he lost his job through it and then his wife and kids left him . Its so frustating the way its almost made glamourous by the media etc.
I think the good thing is that if he can stay away from it for a good month or two it will be out of his system and the side effects are out of your body quite quickly too, but he needs big will power to never touch it again as it seems to be offered around like cigerettes in so many pubs and clubs these days.

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