Why am I always expected to drop everything to look after the grandchildren?

[Squirrel3]

Title says it all really, I am getting so p-ed off with dd asking me to have the grandchildren for the weekend at the last min (I also had them last weekend BTW).

She has just asked me to have them this weekend as she has booked a weekend away (didn't think to ask me before she booked). I already have plans; I told her I would talk to dp about changing them. TBH I don't want to change my plans but I know it will cause an argument and she will make life difficult for weeks.

I don't know why she expects me to do it all of the time, I help out as much as I can but surely I am entitled to have a life too! We have argued so many times about this. She tries emotional blackmail anything to get her own way, the last time it was "Well, that?s it, you no longer have grandchildren, you will never see them again".

It took a couple of months to sort it out and I told her then that I was entitled to a life too and that I needed plenty of notice etc. She seemed to understand but I could tell she was getting angry when I told her I had plans and I just know it will all kick off again when I say no.

I'm not sure how to handle it, any suggestions?

Thanks Bozza, I'm just at a loss to know what will get through to her. ~Sigh~

Oh well, I guess I'll just have to hope that she calms down quickly this time, the children grow and change so fast it would break my heart to miss out on them growing up. Also I think that they need to have a continuing relationship with their Nanna not a dis-jointed one iykwim.

It's strange how when people (some people!) deal with members of their family, good manners go out of the window. It's not right that just because you're her mum she can walk all over you....would she do that to a friend? I bet she wouldn't.
My sister says things to me that are so blunt it takes my breath away. She just seems to feel she's entitled. We're sisters, we know each other through and through and I'll always be there for her...so she seems to feel that gives her carte blanche to be as rude or critical as she likes. If she did that to friends she wouldn't have any left! Your situation sounds very similar to me. You're her mum and you'll always love her no matter what, will be how she sees it. We need to be more assertive, you and I.

Just another thought, Squirrel. You don't think she's jealous of your relationship with your dp's children do you, and testing you, in a kind of 'prove how much you love ME' way?

Agreed merlotmama

Its funny how I can be assertive in all other areas of my life but when it comes to dd all reasoning goes out of the window. I do try but she gets so angry/upset and she has this ability to make you feel guilty on every level. She always (somehow) makes you feel like you are in the wrong.

Posts crossed merlotmama, in a way I do think she is jealous of the amount of time that they spend here but I'm sure its only jealousy in as much "The time the step-children spend there could be time you could have grandchildren so I could go out etc". Iykwim

Don't even think about cancelling, Squirrel. She doesn't know how lucky she is. We have no grandparents in the country, which we find very sad. If we did, there's no way we would ever treat them like this.

Ditto Squirrel. If I am blunt with her, she is cut to the quick and goes in the huff.....in fact, she is so touchy it is like walking on eggshells. Last time I 'gave as good as I got' she hung up on me and had the ansaphone permanently on. I had to turn up on her doorstep (she lives 100 miles away) unexpectedly and she was so surprised she let me in. I left it a couple of months first, though!
I find it strangely reassuring that we (always infinitely reasonable people ourselves, of course!) have these problems. I bet there's lots more similar situations out there, too.

i wouldn't dream of expecting my mum to look after my kids in this way. she does very kindly have them for a few hours every couple of months but i am always aware that she is doing me a favour by having them.i can't believe the way your daughter is behaving. genuinely