Life "hacks" - ways you secretly stay ahead of the pack?

[tarquinandjocasta]

By this I don't mean those crap Take a Break tips that are going round the internet - use a trouser hanger to hold your recipe book. More like things that you do, that give you a bit of an "edge" no matter how trivial.

I am having a crisis of confidence day - feeling a bit like I'm not good enough.

I'm just wondering if others have secret ways of feeling better about trivial stuff that doesn't really matter in the big scheme of things.

Obviously MN itself is a bit of a secret and a great way of finding stuff out/researching without "letting on" to people in RL….

If I am feeling lazy, I buy plain fairy cakes and ice them myself fancily filling with lemon curd and piling on the buttercream and pass them off - people think I am quite the domestic goddess.
I warm shop bought biscuits in the oven too.

There must be other things that you don't 'fess up to in RL?

I don't believe a word of what people tell me. That way I have nothing to envy.

Here are mine:

• go to 6am yoga classes to be fit and feel virtuous
• read in all your spare time. Mix of novels and history
• never read the paper: all scaremongering and celeb rubbish. Except FT
• read the whole of the Economist or most of it. Likewise best journal in your area of interest
• meal plan with www.plantoeat.com to avoid wasting time on domestic tedium. It makes your shopping list for you. Really cool.
• have a regular social meeting like a book club or something. For some reason these make you feel good - not sure why, but it's better than just hanging out with friends
• Go to work earlier than the other people, you will get better at the job than they are
• focus - use pomodoro timer. Meditation also good. Don't fritter your time away.

I don't do this but think it's a good plan:

To build in more exercise do something while your kids are at their activities, the best example are some people I know who do the same Martial Arts class as their kid. (I opt for tea and cake but then I'm happy with that!)

I make soup a lot and on this evidence my extended family think I am a bit of a devoted cook - I find a lot of stuff easy to do on auto pilot. But I'll never make lasagne as I haven't the patience to make a white sauce. Pies with mash on the top are a complete waste of pans and time. I buy frozen yorkshires. I don't waste time pretending anything, but by doing what I find most rewarding people seem to think I'm a lover of all things domestic, whereas I see I'm a lazy (sensible?) person who chooses to do what I find worthwhile. I'll quite happily never cook once I'm no longer bothered about feeding growing kids or teaching them. And when I have been stressed with other life events cooking was relegated to the category of unimportant.

Continual thorough cleaning is a waste of resources unless you have immune compromised people in the house. And buying too much at Christmas and birthdays just creates clutter. Deciding not to clean stuff as frequently and buying less is simple good sense.

Not doing is often the wisest option.

I subscribe to The Week - it makes me feel like I am at least getting the basics about what is happening in the news. Exercising as often as I can fit it in makes me feel like I am in control of my body to a certain extent, although this is getting harder and harder as 40 approaches!!

Recently I got a part time job and pay for a cleaner to come one morning while I am out - it is amazing the difference it makes, just a few hours a week.

I get someone to come to the house to do haircuts - she's really cheap and I book her in every 4 weeks to do whoever needs it.

Always bulk buy the basics so we don't run out. Meal plan when possible.

Have about 6 pairs of cheap sunglasses so they are always on hand (essential).

I keep the wellies, waterproofs, helmets in the car so they are always on hand. Plus a clear plastic crate of change of clothes, sun cream, hats, woollies in winter, etc (I have a large car).

I'm taking away everything that Betty says. If nothing else, it's brightening my bus journey.

Personally, I always have a scarf to wear so that I looked like I've even slightly made an effort. This works less well in hot summer through - then, decent sunglasses will do.

Romann after the economic crisis I read the Economist for a year and read "popular" economics books. Although during the process I felt I was learning, at the end I realised I was as clueless as ever. I am glad though that I gave it a go!

I just want to point out my packing tips are based on 'Just In Time' - a Japanese manufacturing process - and therefore scientific! You can get bogged down in being too planned and have too much lead time. On simple tasks just leave them to when they need to be done.

Always sit in the front row at meetings, presentations etc and model this to your DC.

Totally agree! And also would add: acquire public speaking skills - they really do make your life easier and help you professionally / personally. Even if your job doesn't require them, you could be asked to give a speech / toast / stand up in front of parents at a fete / pull out raffle tickets at an event.

Better to have one true friend, than half a dozen flakey individuals who just don't care about you.
Absolutely

I agree with all of Romann's list as well. (apart from 6am yoga)

One more thing: I don't watch any TV that isn't 30 minutes an episode. I'm sure those big American TV shows are great but I don't really need to devote days at a time to watching 8 seasons of 25 1 hour episodes. I don't want to spend more time watching Breaking Bad than I spent bringing my two sons into the world.

Oh yes Tondelayo : I gave up on big tv series in my twenties. I'd loved Hill St Blues and LA Law and read about a new show by the same team and made a conscious decision that I was never going to watch it - it was ER so I managed to miss the whole George Clooney thing too!

I don't watch any telly just listen to radio 4 whilst doing other stuff. Not sanctimonious about TV, I just have the attention span of a gnat so no point, I learn tons by osmosis from the radio.

Absolutely agree that too much planning and lead time results in complete paralysis and a certain amount of complacency. I work much better in a panic, really focus the mind!

All the housework stuff is depressing, just get on with it (although I take my hat off to those who work full time and manage all the house stuff - wow)

I love TV it was just the commitment of following storylines and characters every week! I stick to half hour comedies.

my tip is a little contraversial.

I dont commit to watching any TV series. ( well, appart from Downton!)

i watch what i want on catchup or on demand. That way... i'm not interupted when im doing interesting stuff... i dont have one eye on the clock, and when i do get time to sit and watch something of my choosing... i dont have to put up with adverts!

its given me loads of time back

Say peoples names in conversation with them.

Ask them questions about themselves.

If you can't think what to ask, ask them what they've been up to today.

You will be universally liked by applying the above.

I don't understand why anyone would lie about home baking something? if someone things less of you because its shop bought, stuff em.

Keep your friends close. This is how the Old Boys Network works, but women rarely prioritise friendship and socialising, so they find themselves excluded from both the protection and the opportunities it offers.

Now and then, hire a babysitter just so you can be seen to be working late in the office. You have to play the game and be seen to play it.

Never, ever skip client entertaining. It's the perfect opportunity to get to know senior people, and for them to get to know you.

Print off every email of praise or thanks you receive from a client or colleague in 14pt type, and pin it above your desk. Your boss and colleagues will always read them, but you won't look like a hack.

Your pay rise should be annual and at least the amount it would cost to replace you.

Never claim to recognise someone else's perfume or aftershave. SO many women do this, because it's the first thing you notice when you lean in to greet someone, but scent is meant to be a mystery. By recognising it, you burst their bubble and make them worry they're wearing too much at the same time. It's a terrible opening gambit.

DH and I have a "Mad Half Hour" every day. This consists of racing each other to carry out household tasks in half an hour. eg: we both list what we think needs doing eg: empty dishwasher, load of washing, hang up clothes from dryer, bleach toilets, wipe sinks and put away clutter. Then its 1,2,3 GO! We race around for 30 mins constantly shouting " Have you nearly finished yet - I have?" and generally goading each other. It gets quite competitive and is usually good fun. DS likes to time us with the egg timer while he is doing his homework and gives us 15 minutes, 10 minutes, 5 minute warnings to add to the excitement. I do realise this makes us sound a bit unhinged.

These have probably all been mentioned, but the things I've tried to work on in the past few years have been:

• Make time for the things that matter to you, and do them well. Either ignore the rest or get someone else to do it (if it really needs doing at all). I don't think I've ironed since 2009.

• Don't watch television (unless of course it's on your list of things that are uber important to you). It's not for me as there are lots of other things I would much rather be doing.

• Learn new skills - I take a course / master a new skill at least once a year, sometimes more often depending on how challenging it is. I always have something I'm working on; could be as random as you like - knife skills, doing a handstand, trigonometry, car maintenance - you choose.

• Make friends that inspire you, or help you grow. Do not surround yourself by negative people who make you question or even dislike things about yourself. Friends should lift you up. Cutting people out may seem difficult now, but look forward to 10 years from now and think how little they'll matter.

• Wake up earlier. Unfortunately I'm failing at this one as it also means going to sleep earlier. I still have too much to fit in on most days, which means I need to do my no.1 tip better! But I accept that I'm a work in progress!

• Be on time. The stress that comes with worrying about being late generally isn't worth it. And being early naturally gives you an advantage.

And there's probably something around learning more about yourself, how you process information, interact with people, manage stress etc, that's hugely important - I haven't quite formed it into a self-imposed 'rule' yet, but it's definitely something I should be thinking about!

1. If you don't want to be on a committee / volunteer / do something, say no and don't feel bad about it or feel you have to make an excuse.

2. If you are already on a committee, and want to stop, then STOP - you've already done more than most people by giving the time you have already, so don't feel guilty. If a club can't get enough people on a committee or volunteering to help, then maybe it's time for it to fold. (I'm assuming that in this situation, if you genuinely want it to exist, you will somehow make the time to help without resenting it)

3. If you are trying to resign from something DON'T GO TO THE NEXT MEETING. Send brief apologies and explain that you can no longer be on the committee/etc etc. If you need to do hand-over, explain in your apologies that you will be available at X time to hand over to your replacement. If you're at the meeting, no-one else will volunteer!

Newrowsees on "cutting people off", this is standard MN advice but it's not great for building social capital, which is essential in life and work.

We all prioritise some friends over others but generally, the more people you know, the better. Excluding people often makes enemies of them for no reason.

morris yes, indeed.

Another good conversational thing is to say 'there's something I'v ebeen meaning to ask you for ages...' it makes people feel super-important.

Disengaging isn't the same as "cutting people off", though.

I do think deliberately excluding someone from your life has the potential to create enmity. No one likes to be disliked. Indifference isn't quite so destructive .

laqueen is right about cutting people out and just stop worrying the to feck and back about they think.

I cut a school gate mum out as she told lies, this I could forgive - people lie for all sorts of reasons. But I could not forgive the manipulation of the group. Another mum realised too and I think another one has finally noticed too.

At the time I felt hurt by her behaviour, like I was going nuts too but then the penny dropped.

Some people just are not good for you and can bring out the worst in you. I agree about knowing lots of people - it has value but it really depends on where you work/live.

Tondelay I think I have a girl crush on you.