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Original poster

Lesbian couple want to have a baby.... advice sought

20 replies

stace · 07/04/2004 19:08

Very good friends of dp and mine are really getting desparate to have a baby. Does anyone have any advice or experience to share, (or sperm!!) they would be very grateful to hear from anyone .....

OP posts:
jmg1 · 07/04/2004 19:41

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squirmyworm · 07/04/2004 19:49

I have two gay friends (a couple) who are looking to meet a lesbian couple and father a child. They'd want involvement in upbringing though not just 'donate and run' - would that work for your friends? they are fabulous blokes and if you were interested you could contact me through 'contact another talker' and I could try to put you in touch

Original poster
stace · 07/04/2004 21:24

JMG1 thanks for the reply my friends are with me now. Basically they need someone who is fairly close by and or able to offer the commitment to get to them regularily and fairly quickly (for freshness all round ) for 2-3 days per month till the job is done. The are fairly relaxed about on going involvement and see benefits to involvement and to not having any. Generally they really want to make an informed judgement on the character of the individual having met them and knowing a little about their history. Let me know and if you are interested i'll put you in touch.

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dot1 · 07/04/2004 21:50

Hi - I'm one half of a lesbian couple and currently in labour, and we have a 2 year old ds who dp had, so here's what we did in a nutshell..!

I'd join Pink Parents it's an excellent organisation - lots of information and they run really good workshops where you can get more info and also meet potential donors. They've got a website and run adverts in the lesbian press - Diva magazine.

Dp and I used a friend of ours as a donor. We've also got friends who've used a sperm bank. I think your friends really need to think through all the options and what's best for them - tons of questions need going over re: what kind/level of involvement they'd want from any donor. Once our friend had agreed, we all spent a year thinking it through and writing down our agreements etc. - you need to be really clear about all this before you start.

Then it's just a question of practicalities...if they go the sperm bank route it's all done for them - insemination etc., but it can be expensive. If they choose a friend then it's the old syringe + yoghurt pot trick..! Our donor was 200 + miles away from us, so we had to time our visits very carefully - we did 2 inseminations each month, so lots of temperature taking etc. to work out the right days and lots of luck were required for it to work - only took 3 goes the first time, but about 15 months for me to get pregnant so you never know...

Anyway, I'll stop wittering - good luck to your friends and if you want any more info. let me know!

SEXGODDESS · 07/04/2004 21:56

Wow Dot you're in labour - hope it goes well for you.

Will your donor be at the birth? and is he excited for you?

What names have you chosen?

aloha · 07/04/2004 22:02

Wow Dot!! Wondered where you were...in labour...how exciting! Do keep us posted. Hope it goes well.

JJ · 07/04/2004 22:03

Good luck stace and oh how exciting Dot! Good luck to you too! All the best to both of you.

sobernow · 07/04/2004 22:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CounteggDracula · 07/04/2004 22:04

Dot how exciting is that? Can we have hourly updates pls!!!

jmg1 · 07/04/2004 22:05

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dot1 · 08/04/2004 01:07

Definitely not a home birth! Going in for the drugs as soon as the pain's too much - although at the moment I'm feeling quite pleased with myself - contractions every 10 minutes and I'm doing OK..!

We're now living much nearer our donor - although this wasn't the reason we moved - but we only tend to see him every couple/few months or so - the agreement was that he'd be named on the birth certificate, so that our ds (+ soon to be baby!) would always know who their Dad is - and we talk about him very openly to ds - all our family and friends know etc. We never wanted any 'secrecy' about who the donor was/how we'd done it, as we felt that might create extra problems as our children were growing up. But the negative side to this approach is that you run the risk of the donor wanting either more or less involvement than you want them to have.

I have to say we've been incredibly lucky - it's all worked out fantastically well - donor didn't want much involvement and we didn't want him to have too much - as ds is getting older he might see him a bit more - probably take him to the football! - but at the moment we're all really happy with how it's going!

Original poster
stace · 08/04/2004 07:14

Thanks for the information and advice dot and wishing you the best of luck for a wonderful birth!!!!!

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Original poster
stace · 08/04/2004 07:15

JMG1 Thanks for the message, How are you doing generally? I will speak to my friends soon and keep you up to date on this one!!

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jmg1 · 08/04/2004 08:08

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motherinferior · 08/04/2004 08:53

Stace, there are other lesbian posters on MN as well, and I know quite a few non-posters.

Good luck.

Bron · 08/04/2004 09:36

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Tinker · 08/04/2004 09:39

How exciting dot. It's my daughter's birthday today - good date

Original poster
stace · 08/04/2004 13:27

JMG1 Have you thought about renting in or around the same area so that its not a total change but a moving on in some respects? Or what about a holiday right now?

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jmg1 · 08/04/2004 13:35

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Original poster
stace · 08/04/2004 14:32

what would you prefer? maybe both? have emailed you through CAT?

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