Moving house to new area, advice needed on reducing trauma for dd and ds please..

[granarybeck]

We are moving house next week to a new area (200 miles away). Ds(9) is not doing too bad but dd(8) is v upset about leaving her friends, school, family, the area, just doesn't want to go!

Would really appreciate any advice from anyone who's been through this on how to make it easier them. It's so upsetting to see them so upset and feel I can't really do anything to make it better

we've just moved from west lancashire to leicestershire in july away fom all our family and friends. i think it was easier for us as our dc's are younger, dd is 4.5yrs, ds is 16mths. dd started school in reception 2 weeks ago at a school where she only knew one other child and that was only because she's our new next door neighbour, but it was still a big move for all involved.

one way of tackling it is to get them involved in out of school activities really quickly so they can both get to know other children in your new area, even though you've just moved try and plan a few family days out at the weekends to explore, perhaps plan them now by looking on the internet so they've got something to look forward to. if that doesn't work, try bribery , we've promised dd a trampoline for our new garden. good luck with your move, where are you going to?

Thanks lucykate. We're moving away from lancashire too but to Hertfordshire. Are you glad you moved now?

I am going to try and get them into similar activities to what they are doing now. But its hard as they are having to do the rounds of goodbyes at their clubs and things here. I've already resorted to bribery - the only thing dd will admit is a positive is that I've said we can get a trampoline as have only got a small garden here!

yes we are glad we moved. i was really nervous about it but dh has been working down here since last november so he'd been away monday to friday til the move. the first day we were here we met our new next door neighbours and found out their 2 kids are the same age as ours and since then, i've met quite a few other mums, had a girls only meal out with them all and have another one planned, been on lots of play dates, dd has already been invited to 4 birthday parties and we've only been here for 10 weeks!.

although the house needs alot of work doing and i'm sitting here listening to the kitchen being ripped to pieces , we feel really lucky that we've moved into such a nice little community, everyone has been so friendly. i really hope you find the same with your move. the goodbye side of leaving is the hardest part, that will be really upsetting for your kids, and i can imagine your dd is feeling that she's never going to make new friends, but she will i'm sure. fingers crossed for her and she may even make friends she has more in common with than her old friends.

where abouts in lancashire are you atm?

We're in Oldham at the mo. My dh has already started his job in London so has been away for most of the week too, so will be really nice to all be together again.

I hope we settle in as well as you seem to have. I think like you say, the leaving bit is worst, and hopefully once we get there it'll be easier in some ways. Fingers crossed!

Granarybeck you are very lucky to have the oppotunity to move out of Oldham. We are here and I would love the oppotunity to come along for us to be able to move from the area. I have lived here all my life and would love a change and for my children to grow up in a better environment. So I am very envious of you, but good luck anyhow.

It was a big factor in our decision if i'm honest carnation. i grew up in oldham too, so couldn't turn down chance for my kids to grow up somewhere else but will miss it too. We always talked about wanting to live somewhere nicer and the children to grow up somewhere else but when the chance came it was a biitt of a shock, almost like we wished it hadn't! My dd says as soon as she's big enough to buy her own house she's going to buy one in Oldham because she loves it!

Hi Granarybeck - I remember when you were asking about places/schools etc. You were seriously looking at Harpenden I think. I'm just up the road in St Albans.

When we moved from the south of germany to Berlin the first week we were busy making their room nice and checking out the neighbourhood (made sure we tested all the icecream parlours and nearest cinema too)then I organised a tea party the 2nd week, dd drew invitations addressed to "the children of the house" and we invited all the children we had seen going in and out around here so the kids got to know thier neighbours , it was a great afternoon and they are now best friends with 2 other kids who live in the building.

hi sylvym, yes, we finally decided on harpenden (thanks forall the advice).

That's a really nice idea about the tea party admylin. had lots of tears from dd tonight. It was their last day at school today and i thought they'd been doing pretty well but then the floodgates opened. I know its to be expected, just so tough to see them so upset. Dd said she just can't picture herself ever being happy, she can just picture herself crying.

yeah i am really trying to, dd is just at that inbetween age where she can see through it a bit and just says all she wants is her old friends but she's not quite old enough to properly imagine the benefits, whereas ds seems to be able to a bit more. You are right though I know we just need to keep doing lots of positive, nice things.

Which school did you decide on in the end Granary Beck? Just use initials if you prefer? I think you'll find that thinking about the move is actually worse than doing it, and once you're there your daughter will be happier. My daughter was the centre of attention when she moved to her new school and everyone wanted to be her friend.

In the end a place came up at rw, went to have a look and really liked it. DD and ds start thursday. The Lea seemed okay, but the children just didn't take to it when we looked round, poss as v different to their school.

I think you're right about thinking about being worse. Its feeling better each time we've got a goodbye done. I'm hoping it will be the same as for your dd when they start the new school.

I've heard good things about rw Granary Beck so hopefully your children will get on fine there. Are you going to be in that part of Harpenden? Hope your move goes well - which day is it?

Thanks sylvym, we moved at the weekend but it is the childrens first day today - I can't wait to go and get them! We're renting at the opposite end of town but hoping to buy nearer school so they've more chance of getting in to the same secondary school as their school friends. just need to find a house now!

Glad your move went OK Granary beck. How's the unpacking going? How did the kids get on at school?

Unpacking hasn't gone too bad thanks, probably because most of our stuff is in storage! The children have been surprisingly fine! ds had a bit of a wibble after the first day as he thought hte children were so different to him - which they probably seem as they've grown up in such different places. But since then they just seem to have really enjoyed the new school, the children have all been lovely to them. So touch wood, going well!

Glad it's going well