Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Other subjects

awful incident with neighbour, still not really coping with it.

34 replies

stillnobetter · 18/09/2006 12:19

I just wanted to get opinions on here as an't get my head roud what happened, have changed my name for a bit..

We live on a family estate in Wiltshire, lots of young chldren out and about playing on our driveway (whch we share with 3 other families)and also across the road on other families driveays.

Everyone seems more or less happy about the situaton and even though it is often quite a lot of hard work for me and my neighbour (always giving out drinks, sympathy, plasters, making our loo and phone available, picking up litter, sorting out arguments and returning abandoned bikes, footballs and coats home to various houses each evening)but I really wouldn't have it any other ay as I want my children to be out there socialising and playing with other kids - it's a priority for us.

Anyway, across the road from us is another family, they have a little boy who is the same age as my ds (7 years old. They often keep themselves to themselves, and until all the problems started I only really knew them well enough to say hello too, but nothing more.

Their son comes and plays on our driveway quite a bit and my son sometimes went to play on theirs.

the problem started during the summer holidays, a great big grop of children were playing Knock Down Ginger, it seemed ok though as they were all only knocking on their own doors (hopefully not being too muh of a disturbance) Myself and DH were dealing with it in a good natured sort of way (even though we were busy)and my neighbours were laughing about it too, as there children were doing it to them

This little boy that lives across the road decided that he wanted to knock on his door and run away and my ds bravely said that he would accompany him!

So they did, only this little boy then panicked (his mum in particular seems to have a reputation for having an awful temper)and when they came to the door he blamed my ds for it.

By this point, my ds was back across the road.

The first thing that I became aware of was when my dd came running into the house. I will never ever forget what happened, she was as white as a sheet and could barely speak and said ' Mummy, Ewan's been taken'

I obviously assumed the worst (man in a white van type scenario - my absolute my horrific fear)and went running out the house calling out to my husband.

When I got outside onto the driveway, i was frantically looking around for him and became aware of lots of shouting across the road. I ran across and there was my ds (thank god though!) standing at the end of their path (of his friends house) and his mother was absolutely going hell for leather at him (verbally), he was crying and shaking and I absolutely hit the roof.

I have never been so frightened and angry in my life and we all just stood there and screamed at one another (me, my dh and his parents - both boys were stood there crying)

Things got quite unpleasant and she said my son was a bad influence on hers (she never, ever comes out or makes any effort to play with the children around here, dosen't know half the time what her own son is getting up to)

Anyway, I retaliated by saying 'fine then' and told her ds to stay on his side of the road and that my children would stay on our side of the road.

When we got back to the house however, a few more things came to light which explained why my son was standing there being screamed at at the end of her ath and why my dd came in in such a panick.

Apparently, this boys dad came out of the house when he heard what had happened and came across the road onto our driveway where my son was standing. He asked him to come back across the rod with him (and was obviously angry according to people who witnessed it), my son, quite rightly said 'no' but this man got very angry with him and insisted, so even though he was frightened, he went because I guess he felt scared and intimidated.

What happened after that is sketchy, but according to my son, he was taken into their house (only just inside the doorway)and was given a good telling off, by the time we got there though, he was standing at he end of the path and this time it was the mother that was screaming at him (this was he bit we witnessed). They however deny that they took my son into their house!

I was even more angry and upset at this point, my son had wet himself and was shaking and I decided that I wanted to report it to the police. I don't know why I wanted to do that but this is not the first time she has errupted (apparentley) and I had a feeling that it wouldn't be the last. I also couldn't believe that they had taken my son and dealt with him themselves for a very minor misdemeanor which in the end he hadn't even done!

Anyway, we reported it but asked the police not to go round there, we just wanted the incident logged so that we could refer to it if something happened again (although not to our children as they are not allowed over there anymore).

This women is now making her rounds around the neighbourhood, telling all and sundry a very one-sided view of things and maing out that we are deliberatley isolating her son (a very lonely, nervous, only-child, she is also hysterical that her job is now at risk becuase we reproted her to the police (she works in a school).

I just wonder whether I have over reacted with any of this. I feel very sorry for her child as this is not his fault, but Its not worth the risk letting my children play with him if they are going to face these types of consequences every time.

My son is fairly relucatnt to talk about what happened now although he did talk a lot at the begiining. I felt very guilty about the fact that he saw us all shouting and I asked him what had upset him the most (thinking it would have been her screaming at him or possibly the four of us shouting at each other) but he said that the most frightening thing was when the man came to take him away because he 'didn't know what was going to happen to him' I am so sad and angry at that, we have spoken to all of the children about stranger danger (though this man wasn'r exactly a stranger) but he was definately intimidated into doing something that made him feel scraedc and uncomfortable by an adult and I just can't get over it.

This happened 8 weeks ago and my ds has been weting the bed since then and having nightmares quite a lot. I can't stop crying and shaking and just don't know what to do.

Sorry this is so bloody long, just letting off a bit of steam,

OP posts:
katierocket · 18/09/2006 16:17

But Blu's advice is good and if you do want to resolve it then I think you should follow her advice. It's not just going to resolve itself.

stillnobetter · 18/09/2006 17:44

Hi Katie, it was my initial intention to approach her and see if we could draw a line under things, mainly for her ds's sake and it would be good for my ds to see that things have been resolved in a way (although I would never want him to think that we are saying what they did was acceptable)

I will just need to wait until i have calmed down a bit, stil feel very emotinal and wouldn't want to give her the satisfaction of seeing me blub.

OP posts:
jellyhead · 18/09/2006 17:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

stillnobetter · 18/09/2006 18:00

he took my son against his will jellyhead, he said he didn't want to go, but they took no notice.

the police were glad that we reported it, didn't think it was minor at all, but agreed to monitor things only, if that was what we wanted.

OP posts:
stillnobetter · 18/09/2006 18:01

wasn't an easy decision though

OP posts:
tallulah · 18/09/2006 18:24

What a horrible situation. We were plagued with kids banging on our door and running away, at one time, and as our lounge is on the first floor it was a real pain to have to go downstairs and no-one there. We sat by the window and watched, and lo and behold it was the boy next door and some other kids. I just went straight round to next door, asked to speak to him (knowing he wasn't there) and told his mother quite calmly what he'd been up to. He never did it again Your neighbour certainly over-reacted.

WestCountryLass · 18/09/2006 21:22

Awwww, your poor son (((hugs)))

I am not sure there is anyting you can do, what has been doen has been done.

I would not let my child socialise with the other little boy because of his parents behaviour though. I know it is not his fault but equally, considering how upset your son is, it is not worth the risk of a repeat performance.

As for what this woman tells the neighbourhood, hold your head up high and just say "there are two sides to every story" and keep your dignity.

LucyLemon · 19/09/2006 20:52

This all sounds awful.
I think you did the right thing and it sounds as though you know that you did the right thing.

A letter may not be the way forward though as they seem to be in some denial about the events which took place. A letter isn't going to change that.

Have you some good friends at the school that can pass around your side of the story? I would feel just as you do and it's so difficult to rise above her games. She obviously isn't a very nice person at all, the tension must be horrendous for you.Try to keep it all in perspective and think how lucky you are to be who you are and that she must have an awful life being such a cow.

I can't think how you can help your ds through this. All you can offer is love and cuddles (if he'll take them!) with constant reassurance. Maybe just trying to drop the subject is the best thing to do for now. Although ranting to your dh when ds is out of earshot is definitely allowed.

Bugger - it's clear I have no more idea of what to do than anyone else but just wanted to offer my support.

hovely · 20/09/2006 17:21

came to this a bit late but really wanted to make this suggestion;
This is exactly the kind of situation where neighbour mediation can get an excellent result.
If you have not come across it before, mediation is - kind of - sitting round a table and talking about it, BUT with a mediator running the discussion and setting the rules so no abuse, no shouting, no interrupting, and so on.
it can be absolutely outstanding at working out a basis for you all to get along with each other in the future.
The reason why I think it could be ideal in this situation is because of what you say, that the mother may not even realise that you thought your ds had been abducted. Having the chance to explain how it seemed to you - and to hear what it seemed like to her - is crucial to mediation. Also what is crucial is that it is confidential, so what you say may not be used against you afterwards.
I would really, strongly recommend that you investigate whether there is a neighbour mediation scheme in your area.
there is some more general info here
mediation

New posts on this thread. Refresh page