Another MIL rant! (Long)

[tallulah]

DS1 has just started uni at Strathclyde. Because it is so far far away from Kent we decided to make a bit of a holiday about it and take a week to drive up there and back. DS2 & 3 were obviously back at school so unable to come but the ILs said they'd have them (they are 10 mins drive up the road)

This was all arranged. First MIL rang and said they were going on holiday tomorrow (Mon) so they couldn't have them over the weekend because they needed the time to get ready (there are 2 of them and they are going by coach........). We rang DD (20) and arranged for her to come over on Sat until today when we were due back.

Then about 3 days before we were due to leave MIL rings again. She'd forgotten they were going out (last) Sunday so they'd pick the boys up for school Monday morning..... we were leaving Sunday afternoon, with hotels booked all the way up country. Rang DD, she rearranged her schedule (she's working fulltime 20 miles away & living there) and would come over for the Sunday night.

Rang the boys from Glasgow on Saturday and it turned out the ILs had brought them home Friday night, and not Saturday morning as arranged. So after all our last minute sorting out they were still here alone all night. It was DS2's 17th birthday on that Friday, and DS3 is 15 next week. DS2 has ADHD and we never leave him alone, even during the daytime.

I am absolutely steaming, but DH just says it "doesn't matter". It does bl**dy matter when you think your children are being looked after and they aren't. I did explain to DH that if anything had happened to DS3 we are legally responsible but he still doesn't get it. He seems to think they are old enough to be left. If DS2 were NT then I might have agreed but it doesn't alter the fact that he isn't, and that DS3 is still only 14 years old.

Are DH and the ILs right and I'm making a fuss for nothing?

Not sure how legal leaving a 14 yo overnight without an adult is? I wouldn't be happy with that without including ds2s adhd.

I would be livid. Apart from any of the ADHD issues, which I don't know enough about to comment on, I would be livid simply because they didn't tell you. If someone has agreed to look after your children, even teenagers, they HAVE to tell you before leaving them home alone at night if that wasn't what was agreed.

I agree with Drusilla. It is only luck, not judgement, which meant that nothing untoward happened.

Even if DS3 was NT, not everyone would relish 2 young teenage boys alone overnight and if I was ever even thinking of doing so, I would have wanted to read them the riot act beforehand (ooops - I mean lay down some ground rules and impress the importance of security etc. upon them).

The issue isn't that "nothing happened". What happened was that you were lied to (leaving aside the fact that your older daughter was inconvenienced too). Whether or not ILs themselves "thought" this was an okay thing to do is completely besides the point. You went away confident in the knowledge that suitable care had been arranged for your kids, when in fact it hadn't been.

I actually think what they did was not only irresponsible (it's not their judgement call) but also quite contemptuous - like your opinions don't matter.

Have you, or will you confront the ILs about this ? I know it's done, but personally, if something like this had happened to me, I know that it would fester away making me feel very resentful. I would want to leave them in no doubt at all how rude and irresponsible they'd been myself.

Thanks for your responses. I'm so glad I'm not over-reacting, as DH seems to think. I doubt we'll tackle the ILs TBH. By the time they get back from their holiday they'll probably have forgotten all about it, and I know DH won't back me up on it. I shall just make a point never to ask them again, since they are so unreliable. If they really didn't want to have them I wish they'd just have said no so we could have made alternative arrangements.