Back @ work after mat leave, MIL woes, keep arguing with dh, just moved house

[RanToTheHills]

..think that's about it! baby been waking at night so been existing on 2 hrs or so past few nights, really done in, esp as recently gone bk to work, surrounded by boxes post-move. To cap it all, MIL is here to "help" but hints all the time about going out; she;s also been busy cooking dh a huge roast. Meanwhile, washing up building up, boxes still for him to move upstairs, 6 yr old needs his tea. But they've gone out again, leaving me again to clear up, deal with the baby etc. DH wonders why I'm peed off! The house is no more sorted than when MIL arrived but she's had a complete tour of the county, or so it seems. Sorry, complete "pity party" (nabbed that from someone else's post and liked it) Just wanted to moan.

oh right, so i'm just a moaning minny. feeling paranoid now, think it's lack of sleep talking.

Why tf are your dh and mil OUT leaving you alone with 2 children? Why doesn't dh get upin the night? Why is washing up YOUR job? Sorry, I'd be pissed off too.

I'm with the Witch.

he works f/t, i work p/t and since having had the 2nd child, he's pushing for an old-fashioned division of duties, only w/o talking about it! I'm about it, we're having endless battles about it, how i feel takne advantage of but he thinks i'm being petty.
To be fair, I'm still bfing which is why i was up in the night, they have also taken eldest out with them (but w/o his tea).

how the hell do i get him to see my POV? GO on strike and live in a complete pig-sty? Let rip in front of his mum (acutally, already done that several times this w/e ).
I'm not sure what to do.

if i was you i'd have a temper tantrum like that woman on the advert! cry, shout and storm out for a drive not coming back until had coffee in nice coffee shop and read paper all by myself. let them stew - v grown up suggestion i know!!

problem is, i'm outnumbered. I can tell MIL thinks I'm being completely unreasonable and should just get on with it and appreciate how much more help dh gives me than his father gave her. I haven't been v grown up about it and have just been the idiot left indoors 3x today wd you believe while dh left feeling righteous and wronged by his evil wife. Hell, divorce courts looming? I can';t take this, I hadn't thought having a 2nd wd have such an effect on the gender balnace in our rel.

I think the best way to ensure equal division of tasks at home is to work full time so your career is as important as his. This is the root of sexism in so many marriages this p/t and f/t distinction. I don't know why so many women choose it. It seems the worst of all worlds to me.

well, i certainly can't get my head round it and it does seem to be the excuse dh uses. I cdn't leave our baby on a f/t basis though, wd hate to do so for boht our sakes.

I work four days a week and as far as I'm concerned my career is every bit as important as that of DP, who works five days a week.

am wondering if i should just give up work so that i at least have more time to do these things and therefore hopefully more quality time too. Anyone else found that? Am worried tho that this wd be seen as a sign that i've become a stepford housewife!

s o MI, how does the diviosn of duties work in yr household?

To be honest, I have felt rather that I'm picking up the slack over the past year or so - especially as I have, so far, worked based from home (I'm a journalist); I have forgone a number of evening things I could have gone to (although I've not fully discussed them with DP, so it's not completely fair of me to assume I couldn't do them). I did get infuriated with his mother's sentimental assertions that we were 'the ideal modern couple' in the way we shared things, and my decision to work on a staff job two days a week is partly in order to force DP to pick up the kids from childminder/after-school club two days a week and give them their tea and so on. (To be fair, he's been completely behind this decision, all the way. The reality of two knackered Inferiorettes at 5pm is yet to hit him .)

In terms of household stuff and so on, though, we share and/or outsource them. We pay a cleaner who does our ironing - in between cleaners, we share the housework, and DP frequently ends up ironing his shirts that she's not had time to do. We both do the cooking. We wrangle endlessly about who gets a bit of time off.

But our careers are equally important.

I think that's a really good idea...and then get her out of your hair.

I also think this isn't the time to make far-reaching decisions about work or anything else, really!

sounds as sorted as it's possible to be, MI! We need a reg cleaner esp as recently moved, i feel also that i have to "force" dh into helping (why it doesn't come naturally, I don't know) by picking up the kids - though again he rarely prepares food for them, I have to do it in advance. I honestly don't know how it got to this point, has all crept up on me in those mad first baby months and got entrenched before i cd do anything about it

Second babies are a killer that way, I reckon. They really force you against the wall, don't they.

I've found that making quite formal arrangements over some things helps - the 'my turn'/'your turn' thing (with us it's birthday parties the girls are invited to). Otherwise one goes insane.

thanks, yes, sd look to do that. MIL off soon and not a frequent visitor (esp now maybe!) so at least we'll be able to talk. Had been planning to draft a list of moans/must dos each to discuss calmy & quietly over a glass of wine. That was some days ago now though and never had enough sleep to have got round to doing it. I realise I sound rather pathetic and inept. I do need sleep!

You sound like a woman who's had two hours' sleep for the past few nights, and is therefore going bananananananas. Bugger the house.

Can I suggest throwing a complete wobbly so that your partner realises just how close to the end of your tether you are? He can do the washing up. And he can get up and bring the baby to you tonight even if you're the one who actually has to breastfeed.

I know it's not as easy as that, but I'm really angry at the thought of you being left with someone else's washing up!

think you should throw a tantyrum

lol at 'can I suggest you throw a complete wobbly' - I think going out and leaving MIL with the children while you tell him how awful you feel is a very good idea. Lack of sleep is just vile, vile, vile.

thanks everyone! we've had words (all of us) so hopefully air has cleared a bit.