Play dates with drug user dad? Am I being unreasonable no 99999999999

[dontwanttobespotted]

I've changed my name for this as I don't want to be found out IRL.

My child A has just gone into Year 2 and has become very friendly with child B. There have been several playdates at each other's houses and they play a lot together in school.
Neither of B's parents work, and whenever I go over to B's house, the dad is always on his way out or out somewhere. The few times I have met him, I have had suspicions that he is mentally ill (I have some experience in mental illness). I am not saying this as a bad thing, and on its own I would have no problems.
However, I have recently heard from a reliable source that the dad is permanently stoned, and is often to be seen smoking joints in the street or out of the window.
I do not feel that this is a good environment for my child to spend time in (goodness knows, I am no saint, but I think this is going too far). Dh thinks I am overreacting but I am very keen to encourage my child to find other children to play with. I know that I don't have much influence within school time, but certainly I will try and arrange play daters with different children.
So, am I being unreasonable?

No you're not being unreasonable. I'd try to encourage my child to play with other kids. I'd not stop the other child from coming to my house but NO WAY would I let dd go somewhere where there were drugs

No - perfectly fine - what's wrong with saying you don't want you kids at a drug takers house.

To be honest, don'twanttobespotted, I'd pobably not be keen to send any of my dds to a house where they smoked ordinary fags, let alone joints (exsmoker, so very militant about it!).

can't the child come to your house?

Avoid playdates altogether and see if they can't sign up for some (free) activity together like sport or scouts so they see each other outside of school with minimal contact to friends' parents/home?

don't think scouts is free actually but you know what I mean , something friends' parents needn't pay for since they're both unemployed

The child does come to my house, but naturally wants to reciprocate. It would be a bit odd if it was all one-way traffic and I kept making up excuses why my child couldn't go over.
The child's mother is at home, but I'm not convinced that she is particularly stable.
A friend of mine has seen B's dad smoking joints and has told me, now that she knows that my child is often at his house.

i would ask him not to do it when your child is there if he refused then I wouldn't let them go again

I've had kids round from one family that I wouldn't want my kids to go round to their house. They never minded the one way invites & never actually invited my dds round. The parents might be aware of your concerns & just let their kid play at yours.

it is quite a hard one, my son was friends with a boy whose dad was quite a drinker. he actually took my son to a pub! (nearly ended up with my dp punching him) not fun

You're definitely not being unreasonable, he's only little. So long as you're friendly to the friend and his parents when you see them, do as you like I think. Personally I wouldn't discuss with them whether they take drugs but of course you could do that if you wanted to. If in doubt, don't send ds there.

This is a hard one - I feel a bit sorry for Child B but would never let my children go to a house where drugs were probably being taken - and yes, isn't cannabis these days incredibly strong compared to the sad little joints we had?
It's such a shame there is no easy way to keep B coming to your place without letting your child go on reciprocal playdates , but you could see if Milward's experience holds good - that there is an unspoken agreement that B only comes to you.

My mum and dad and their friends smoked joints in front of me as a child. They wouldn't have done it if I had playmates over.
I turned out v normal and not a drug addict!

Difficult, but there is no way I would want my child going there by himself. Of course have their child around to play and arrange outside playdates, e.g. at the park with both you and the other mum there. It is embarrasing to have to say - if necessary - you would rather playdates were just at your house, but I would rather suffer a little embarrasment than the risk / worry.

no i don't think you're being unreasonable at all. agree with marina that it's sad for child b, but i think unless the visiting remains in your home you should stop the playdates. poor little b

Would he be smoking in front of the children though, he may just smoke at night or whatever when B is in bed?

Could you go with him for the first playdate?

What age is Year 2?

You could just ask them not to smoke in front of your child-- say that he/she has asthma maybe?
Is the mother a sensible non -stoner?
If she was I reckon it'd be fine.
But then as I mentioned earlier both my parents smoked in front of me and am very straight and well-balanced!