Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Other subjects

Flip

Original poster

suspicious but possibly/probably wrong - wwyd

18 replies

suspiciousmind · 14/09/2006 21:17

changed name cos person knows I come on here.

Lets say I have a friend who has been going through some difficult times and has been constantly on phone to me.

Lets say every time I talk to them a new development occurs - not nice things, but do happen.

Lets say speaking to them the other day they told me a story/anecdote - not particularly important but last time they told it it had happened to them, this time to a friend.

Lets say I have come accross a lot of compulsive liars in my time and this made me suspicious.

Lets say friend has just sent text with new problem in - one that according to their history would be very unlikely but not impossible.

What would you think?

OP posts:

AllieDelOllio · 14/09/2006 21:19

i'm confused

mrs2shoeshassaidsorry · 14/09/2006 21:21

i would be suspicious

Mum2FunkyDude · 14/09/2006 21:23

I'd say you have good instinct and a sharp mind.

Original poster

suspiciousmind · 14/09/2006 21:23

Sorry ADO, I know its not very clear but don't want to give away too much detail.

OP posts:

Original poster

suspiciousmind · 14/09/2006 21:26

I think this person is depressed - ime experience in some (and I mean a small minority) this can lead to creating things - not to hurt, but to gain attention that they desperately need.

In this case I do not want to upset this person. IMO some of the things that don't ring true could be exaggerations of things that have happened.

But just very confused now. Don't want to accuse in case I am wrong or it causes someone who needs help to back away.

OP posts:

Bucketsofdinosaurs · 14/09/2006 21:29

Be suspicious and alert but silently. If there is even a tiny chance the tales are true, it would be awful to falsely accuse someone in real strife. Just keep asking questions but not in an arsey way, just act like a bimbo and make her clarify stuff regularly. If it's all so complicated, it would be fair enough to get a bit lost.

Original poster

suspiciousmind · 14/09/2006 21:36

BucketofDinosaurs - I think I agree with you. Thanks for that

OP posts:

WideWebWitch · 14/09/2006 21:40

Suspicious. I've recently had to deal with a (plausible) fantasist at work, we all believed her for ages.

bran · 14/09/2006 21:42

Could you suggest that she see a professional (eg a counsellor) about her problems? You could phrase it so that it doesn't seem as though you don't believe her. It might be helpful to her see a professional either way, whether the situations are real or made up.

Jimjams2 · 14/09/2006 21:53

knew someone like this- took years to see it, then everything started to unravel and there were so many lies it was ridiculous. I don't think she knew she was doing it.

AllieDelOllio · 14/09/2006 22:10

doesn't take much to confuse me. hope this gets resolved

NotQuiteCockney · 14/09/2006 22:17

I like bran's idea, recommend counselling for all the trouble she's going through, to help her cope.

I've dealt with a few fantasists in my time, and I always believe them while talking to them, and realise it was utter rubbish later. You have my sympathy, for what it's worth.

Original poster

suspiciousmind · 14/09/2006 22:20

I've known a few complusive liars who have really hurt people I have been close to. TBH I find it hard to have much sympathy for them, though I know I should. One of the liars killed themselves eventually .

I want to help my friend, whatever the situation, though I know if they are lying then I will immediately get pissed off and not want to know them.

I will try to talk to her to see exactly what is happening, but I just don't know where it will lead.

OP posts:

NotQuiteCockney · 14/09/2006 22:21

I don't think someone who's not hurting or broken would actually make stuff up like this, tbh. The two compulsive liars I knew before were both definately broken ... but that doesn't mean they were people I wanted to be around!

Bucketsofdinosaurs · 14/09/2006 23:23

They do need to be stopped as they generally lie about other people which can lead to all sorts of havoc so it's not just hurt feelings of the listener at stake. Good luck with your careful treading SM.

essbee · 14/09/2006 23:41

Message withdrawn

Jimjams2 · 15/09/2006 13:52

I tend to believe people. The person I caught out started contradicting herself though, then the big one- went to a talk where the speaker said "x happened to me" (and a very unusual story) then this person was caught "stealing" the speaker's story. Began to compare notes with friends and was left with no idea of what was true and what wasn't.

She seemed very plausable, and I liked her for the first year or so that I knew her- longer probably but I always thought it strange she didn't seem to have any long term friends. IN the end the lies just did my head in so I kept away.

I don't think she could have changed, I don't think she realised what she was doing. Honestly thought it got to the stage where you couldn't believe anything at all that she said.

Twinkie1 · 15/09/2006 13:59

DH has a friend who's girlfriend makes things up all fo the time - he says its part of her depression and she doesn't know she is doing it and it is to gain attention.

I have totally cut the pair of them out of my life as part of her lies have been malicious about me and I just can't deal with an adult behaving like that depression or no depression - what she does is far more attention seeking jealousy type thing than any manifestation of depression I have come across - sort of paraniod delusional thing.

I'm really worried at the moment because she is pregant too and am just waiting till after she has the baby and all that attention transfers off of her onto the baby - what is she going to make up then??????

But anyway I would try and establish if she is telling the truth or lies and if it is lies I would have nothing to do with her - as an adult I don't play playground games and choose my friends careflly and them being honest is a big must.

Flip