Hes pretending she doesnt exist

[Jennyb851]

Another late night post from the mistress of insomnia. Hmmmm...might change my name to that. Constantly thinking of my ex and his attitude to his baby. As some of you probably know, he took off his shoes (Stilletos?), ran for the hills and never looked back when i was about four months gone. I think the thing that kept me going when i was pregnant was the thought that once baby was here he would at least come and see her once. He didnt. It was a rather large effort to contact him at all through friends as he had changed his number. He said he'd see her but he never spoke to me again. I feel more angry at him each day. Shes so beautiful and he wont even give her a chance, neither will her grandparents. They slammed the phone down on me when i asked if they wanted to see her. (ps ive never argued with them or given them any reason to do that). How long does it take to get over something like this? im hurting bad.

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{Hugs{}}

I also think he may have told the grandparents that your DD isn't his. Send them photos like Twiglett says with a letter saying they are welcome to see their granddaughter whenever they wish. Definitely persue the Ar$e through the CSA!

As for how long it takes to get over it - I don't know I guess that in time you'll come to realise that it's his/their loss and that they are the ones with a problem not you. You have a beautiful DD, they have bitterness and denial.

Take care...

Jenny, I am in a big rush at work so won't be able to chat, but sorry to hear your story, very similar to my own. Ex p visited ds once, in order to sign the birth certificate, after I threatened to get a ct order (this was all a bluff as you generally can't get such an order). I made him hold ds so that I could tell ds, but he has not had any contact since then. I was also terribly hurt at being ignored by his family whom I had known very well. They knew full well about ds but were not interested in knowing him. I don't know how old your dd is, but when you are still nursing and recovering from childbirth, it is a particularly vulnerable time. You will definitely start to feel better later. It is sad to reach that point, but you will reach the point when you realize that your ex and his family are really not very nice people (actually, they are horrible people who ostracise their own flesh and blood) and their presence would not be enriching either your or your dd's life. I was also very hurt at how many supposedly joint friends took my ex p's "side" and supported his decision to ignore ds. But over time I made new friends, who I think are better than that type of false friend who does support you when you really need them, eg pregnancy and postnatal period. It took me a few years to accept that exp was never going to want to know ds and finally go to the csa; if I am honest, I still loved him for many months after our relationship had ended and was unable to consider his behaviour objectively. As soon as you are able, pls apply to the csa, as it can take a long time actually to get the money through the system. As you get to know your dd better and experience the wonderful unselfish love that your children give you, I am sure that you will be able to move forward and your ex will no longer be in your thoughts all the time. When you come out of a relationship, it does take a while to re-establish your own identity, no longer part of a couple, and it is very hard when you are also developing a new identity as a mother. You will get over it, and I know that you have some wonderful happy times in store for you in the future. xxx

Jenny, everything Outofpractice says is true. I have a similar situation, where xp won't bother to see his children, but have been apart from him for nearly 3 years now. You don't stop being angry about it, but you do stop it worrying you all the time. Must re-iterate Outofpractice's advice about building up new support network - if you feel that DD has lots of other friends, supporters and role-models that she can turn to, you won't feel so bad about her not having contact with the other side of her family. And do pursue him through the CSA - it has taken me almost 2 years and 2 compensation claims to get a penny of maintenance for my children. Also sometimes when men are confronted with the CSA and are in the routine of paying, they realise that actually, it is their child and it has the psychological effect of making them grudgingly acknowlege that.

The upside, long-term, of a man who ignores his children, is that at least you won't have a hostile outsider attempting to control your life as so many women have when they split from the fathers of their children. I know that that is not much comfort to you now, but in the future you might find it is the one good thing about all this.

Complete arse, if you can bear to leave it I would... Your beautiful magical angelic daughter will seek him out one day and make him feel like the prize shit he is.
Like me you will find a wonderful man one day (or even if you don;t you will eb better off) and he will adore your baby and you will live hapily ever after and that twit will be nothing more than an OBP (other biological parent)
Have been through this in part... But thankfully cos of OBP's mum, he was brought to the mark...
It worked out ok...
Also agree give his name and everything you know about him to CSA, even if it no reward to you... I take it he is not on the birth cert.
He has no rights, paying for her gives him no rights, but it is a rare man who will pay for something he can't see...
It's ok to be bitter for a while... And angry
Much love xx

and if you ever need to talk.... let me know
xx

hi jenny---- I am sorry that this has happened and it must be very hard to deal with right now, I agree with twiglett and soupdragon... He may have said something untrue to baby's grandparents.
Everyone has said most of what I was gonna say but I will add that I am in the shoes of your baby, my father has nothing to do with me, when I was younger I was really upset and tried to see him when I turned 15/16 behind my mums back.... in all that time it was me that made the effort to see him.... He has fathered many kids (as they do) and sees them and takes them places and their children but has nothing to do with me. I haven't seen him for years he saw ds1 when he was a baby but hasn't even seen ds2.

he didn't bother to contact me when he knew i was gettin married and i didn't invite him... my uncle gave me away.

He knows I have had ds2 but hasn't even seen him or called.

It is his loss and parents like him... (if i can even call them parents...more like sperm donors)(excuse crudeness) dont deserve the beautiful babbies. I know you will give dd so much love and she wont want for anything.

Thanks so much for all your replies, im very touched. i know my own dad but he never bothered with me either and tells lies about me to my mom when she has a go at him like that i beg him for money etc. I dont want my little girl to feel the same as i do or worse, but then you cant make someone love you i surpose. The worthless s**t. i hope our paths never cross again!

Hey jennyb851... just cant believe it reading your thread is like reading an extract from my own lif! I too have a DD now 18 months old, beautiful and her dad did just the same, even at the same point. With regard to the when do you get over it, all i can say is that i havent! I am doing my best to go day to day, new career helps to keep me busy, im training to be a nurse. I am lucky that his parents were in total support during the pregnanc, and since. he hadnt talked to them for nearly two years but has now just started to, and i fear that they will now keep a safe disatnce from DD. Although its hard i know its going to get harder. Hes still in Australia and im the UK. But we go back tolive near the inlaws as soon as i qualify.
so if you want a buddy to moan to or compare notes feel free!

thanks chloe-i no doubt will have another good moan on here again at some point arseholes arnt they?