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Original poster

OK, so tonight I am going to potentially pee off my SIL, help me defend my case please......

22 replies

Northerner · 14/09/2006 18:32

Because I can stand up to most people, but find it hard to say know to her.

Situation is I am having her 2 kids 2 Saturday night's in a row next month whist they are away at weddings, they will come to me early Sat morning, sleepover and be collected early eve on sunday. My dh is working both weekends so it will be just me with her 2 kids and my ds.

She also phoned me to ask if I can have them for a sleepover the Friday before, to which I said yes. Stupidly. Having thought about it and chatted about it to dh, I think it's too much and will say no to the last request.

How should I tell her, and if she is peed off what shall I say?

Just really want to know I am not being unreasonable here.

Thanks

OP posts:
wanderingstar · 14/09/2006 18:40

Oh yes I remember being outraged on your behalf when the issue of their homework came up too.

I speak as someone pathetically grateful occasionally to be going out when I've managed to get a PAID babysitter. We try not to be too late back, etc., pay well, don't ask too often blah blah blah.

I think you're doing sil a massive favour already. Just say no, sorry, thinking about it you've realised the extra Friday is too much and she'll have to make other arrangements. No further explanation necessary, I'd have thought ! Or get your dh involved by getting him to phone her.

fullmoonfiend · 14/09/2006 18:41

no, you're not being unreasonable. I hate sleepovers (though I do them to help out a couple of single mum friends now nd again) because the kids never go to sleep til really late and it's very full on. Also, I know you don't have transport either, so it's extra hard work. So if the weather forecast is crap...you're really going to struggle! I reckon you're already doing a huge favour and anybody who has kids should realise that.
I would just be honest and say on reflection you think it's too much for you to deal with on your own, without dh's help.

moondog · 14/09/2006 18:43

No,not unreasonable.
It is way out of order for her to ask for another night.

Next time,do as my mother tells me.Don't give an answer straight away.Say 'I'll think aBOUT IT' then get back to her.

Original poster
Northerner · 14/09/2006 18:49

The last request is a bring them in their PJ's and collect them in the morning so I know she'll think I'm being arsey, but it's the principle of 3 weekends in a row......

Sigh. I hate confrontation.

OP posts:
fullmoonfiend · 14/09/2006 18:51

invent an invitation somehwere for you and ds one of the fridays?

cupcakes · 14/09/2006 18:54

Why does she need the Friday as well? Bit of a cheek really. Don't feel bad about standing up for yourself.

Original poster
Northerner · 14/09/2006 18:58

Thanks guys, just needed to know I am right here. Will tell her. Dh supports me too.

OP posts:
Original poster
Northerner · 15/09/2006 09:20

Well I told her, and I could tell she was mightly pissed off. She asked if I was saying no as we had plans, I made it quite clear we had no plans but 3 weekends is too much.

I have made a stand and feel so much better

OP posts:
wartywarthog · 15/09/2006 09:52

you did the right thing. she's asking a bit too much imo! does she ever reciprocate? if not, i'd start calling in the favours, even if it's only a couple of hours on a sat afternoon.

cupcakes · 15/09/2006 10:19

well done. I would probably have bailed out and come up with a lame excuse so well done for being honest with her.
Hope she appreciates how much you are doing for her.

wanderingstar · 15/09/2006 10:29

Well done ! And fancy asking if the "No" was because you had plans ! Some people...

Original poster
Northerner · 15/09/2006 10:54

She does reciprocate yes, but we do not have as many social engagements as them or as many weekends away. They even have a week long holiday every year without kids where we and MIL are expected to pitch in. It's just too much. They are wealthy enough to afford paid help and stop encroaching on our lives.

I feel good for making a stand.

OP posts:
moondog · 15/09/2006 17:37

good girl n

Loshad · 15/09/2006 22:08

well done you northerner, Seems to me she's taking the p** a bit, or a trifle self centred.

fullmoonfiend · 16/09/2006 09:47

Do you feel all strong now . Well done, you did the right thing, otherwise I reckon you'd have carried the building up resentment around and then it would have surfaced at an inappropriate time, IFSWIM.

Original poster
Northerner · 17/09/2006 08:12

Well I thought a line had been drawn under this, but it turns out that SIL has rung MIL to ask her advice on how to deal with me as my comments upset her and she is very hurt that I told her her children weren't welcome at my house. Apparantly she would have preffered that I lie and tell her I was busy.

She has totally missed my point and I am fuming

OP posts:
Freckle · 17/09/2006 08:22

Well how silly is that. If you'd lied, it would still have meant that you didn't want her children at her house and would make you a lier too!

I know it's not a case of you not wanting her children there. Is she your dh's sister? If so, can't he have a word with her and tell her to stop being so selfish as to want you to have her children 3 weekends in a row and so self-centred as to see this as a problem with you?

Freckle · 17/09/2006 08:23

Also, do I assume that MIL passed on this little gem? If so, what was her purpose in doing this? Surely it would have been better for her to persuade your SIL that she was being a twit?

Original poster
Northerner · 17/09/2006 08:30

No she is not dh's sister, my dh and her dh are brothers. Apparantly MIL was trying to calm her down and has suggessted she talks to me baout this when she has calmed down! When she has calmed down?!!

You are right, this was a selfish request, but even more so to bloody react like this. I never said her kids weren't welcom here, FFS they are coming for a sleepover 2 weekends in a row, but because I won't do 3 she acts like this.

OP posts:
Pruni · 17/09/2006 08:41

Message withdrawn

Frizbe · 17/09/2006 08:54

Northerner sorry to hear SIL has gone kaboom over this, families eh....your perfectly right to only want her kids 2 out of 4 weekends (does she ever see them?) agree with Pruni's advice.

ANAconda · 17/09/2006 18:28

if she behaves like this, I think i'd tell her that you won't have her kids at all! what a nasty piece to try and pitch you MIL against you

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