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I didn't even know her - so why am I so upset????

23 replies

smellymelly · 31/03/2004 12:52

I live in a small town, which is currently full of people wearing black. They have all just left the funeral of a 31 year old mother, who died of cancer.

They found she had breast cancer when she was pregnant, and had to deliver the child early, but it was too late for her, the cancer had spread everywhere.

As far as I know she has left 2 very small children...

I was so touched by the amount of people that had attended, alot of people I know, knew her, she must have been very popular. But I feel so emotional about this, and I didn't know her.

It must have brought home, the realisation that this is a possibility, that any of us could leave our young kids without a mother... and that really scares me.

OP posts:
spacemonkey · 31/03/2004 12:54

I think it's something that haunts us all smellymelly

I lost a friend to lung cancer - she was 36 and had two young children. It was awful - somehow you imagine that it can't and won't happen, then something like this reminds you that it can, and it's terribly sad.

Mo2 · 31/03/2004 12:57

This really is very sad. I sometimes feel like this when I read about very young children losing their mother.

It's also something I worry about - me dying and leaving the kids.

emmatmg · 31/03/2004 12:59

OHHHH, that scares me everyday, I feel so sad hearing stories like this and thet scare me witless.

Lots of love to all the little ones who have lost a mummy or daddy.

CountessDracula · 31/03/2004 13:08

Oh god me too. DH and I both went to the Arsenal V ManU game on Sunday and I started worrying that if Al Quaeda decided to bomb it then dd would be left with no parents.

prettycandles · 31/03/2004 14:28

It's part of the 'joys of parenthood' - not only do we carry extra guilt, but also extra worry. I can't hear stories like this without immediately applying them to myself: 'Oh my god it could be me.' I can't play the 'what would you rescue if the house was on fire' game since we had children. And I know I'll never read Sophie's Choice.

Twinkie · 31/03/2004 14:35

Goodness ths is soo sad - I lived near a terrible RTA a few years back where a mother was killed as well as her 2 sons - her daughter and husband who were all in the car survived as did the baby she was carrying at the time, they were just on their way back from the shops buying things for her hospital bag - the whole town sort of held their breath and the feeling of greif was tangible inthe air for ages - I felt so sad for the little baby that it was born on the day when its families lives were destroted forever.

Theer was also a piece in a newspaper the other day about a lady who worked in Sainsbury's somewhere - she had gone home and killed herself and a woman wrote in to let everyone know what had happened because this lady behind the till was sooo popular people actually ignored empty quese and waited for her to serve others just so they could have a chat and have their day brightened by this woman - sorry got to stop now am crying

Janh · 31/03/2004 14:35

I read Sophie's Choice before having children. I couldn't read it now.

A mother at DS2's school lost her husband a few days ago - he was only 40 - their daughters are 13, 11 and 8. I don't know her that well but bumped into her in town yesterday, I managed to speak to her without actually bawling but was fairly useless, she was really calm and composed - he'd been ill for 3 years and was on the heart transplant list so it was always a possibility and the girls knew that. But still...she said they are being very strong.

Bedtime must be awful.

emmatmg · 31/03/2004 14:49

Twinkie, your story about the RTA has made me cry. How will that baby get on knowing what happened that day.........god that is so sad.

Janh my mum was only 44 when my dad died, I was 13. I hope those young girls have a wonderful life, I have and learned such alot about life from my mum.

misdee · 31/03/2004 20:19

Janh, that is one thing that dh worries about. he is apossible candidate for a heart transplant, and knowing that there is a huge chance he wont see our girls grow up scares him and me terribly.

we went into harlow today, on the A414 coming near church langley is a loads of flowers tied to a tree. a couple of days ago a car went off the rd, a young child was killed. the police are hunting the hit and run driver that caused the car to crash. its so sad.

kiwisbird · 31/03/2004 20:27

That is so very sad
One of my friends was dx'd with breastcancer the week after she finished breastfeeding her 11 mth old daughter
cue surgery, very aggressive chemo and hormones...
It is very frightening
I read the Ruth Picardie book and it just left me so overwhelmed
Bless them

handlemecarefully · 31/03/2004 21:56

Smellymelly,

Your human and empathetic - that's why its upset you. I agree its truly horrible when a mum dies leaving kids behind...kids so need their mothers.

Slinky · 31/03/2004 22:05

It's terribly sad

DH and I went to the funeral of a friend a few weeks back. He wasn't ill - one Sunday morning decided to go and play golf. Walked out the door that morning and never returned. He died on the golf course

Sadly left 2 daughters - the funeral was packed, everyone was standing to make room for others.....so sad

stupidgirl · 31/03/2004 22:08

Heartbreaking. I hate the idea of leaving my children on their own

MrsDoolittle · 31/03/2004 22:24

Janh - I want to read Sophie's Choice! Haven't got round to it yet though.

prettycandles · 31/03/2004 23:11

Mrs Dolittle, do you know what the title refers to?

MrsDoolittle · 01/04/2004 09:02

No not really, prettycandles. I am a philosophy student and it was recommended to me. Apologies if that commnet was inappropriate here!

Janh · 01/04/2004 09:06

Ah - that's the other Sophie book - the philosophy one! Sophie's World (just googled on Sophie and it came up on the first page which was lucky.)

You don't want to read Sophie's Choice, MrsD - it is gutwrenching.

MrsDoolittle · 01/04/2004 10:36

Sorry I have just realised my mistake too! Sophie's World is a novel about philosophy by Jostein Gaarder. I have no idea about Sophie's Choice, apart from the fact it's a classic.
Please excuse my stupidity - should have kept my hands still!!!!

Twinkie · 01/04/2004 10:55

Wasn't Sophie's Choice made in to a film with Meryl Steep in it - where she had to choose which one of her children were gassed in a concentration camp??

prettycandles · 01/04/2004 16:01

No offence taken - I didn't mean to be abrupt.

Yes, she has to choose one child for certain death and one for possible life.

Unthinkable.

champs · 01/04/2004 17:41

am sad... I hate the idea of going before my kids Must be heartwrenching for all those mentioned bellow.

Smellmelly--- it just shows what a caring person you are, even though u did not known her.

Twinkie--- if only the sainsbury's lady knew she was loved by so many people, maybe she wouldn't have killed herself...how sad...

Janh · 01/04/2004 17:57

Knowing it doesn't make any difference, sadly, champs Our next door neighbour killed himself last year. He was a landscape gardener, worked all over the place, at least half the town knew him, everybody liked him, he was a great personality, but he was stricken again with cyclical depression last year (cycles of 5-6 years) and just couldn't see a way ahead any more.

They had over 200 cards and goodness knows how many at the funeral - loads had to stand outside. His elder son (late 20s) was angriest of all with him because there was so much love for him and he could still leave it all behind like that. But it wasn't enough to keep him going.

Champs · 02/04/2004 22:18

how sad,

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